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Surely his demise can't be far away? Sorry, VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 655642" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Blackgnat, Your story sounds very familiar to me because it mirrors so closely to my son, right down to him being in CO.</p><p></p><p>You are not a horrible monster you are simply a mother who's heart has been broken into a million little pieces by her child. You are numb. I have been there. You get to a point that you are just so tired, so drained emotionally that you have nothing left, you are just numb. It's not that you don't love your son you just have been drained.</p><p></p><p>My son has been in and out of jail/prison more times than I care to count. He likes his drugs and alcohol and has no use for authority let alone having a job. He has two beautiful children that he has abandoned. He is homeless / couch surfs. It's been 2 months since I have heard anything from him, which is not unusual. It does however make me wonder if "this is it" is this the time that he died somewhere and I may never know. I have dealt with these types of feelings for closer to 5 years now.</p><p></p><p>I have come to acceptance that I may never hear from my son again, that he could have died and I may never know. This is my truth, this is what I have had to come to accept. It hurts, my heart aches for the child I used to have.</p><p></p><p>Over the years my husband and I have afforded our son so many "second" chances. We have tried to help him in everyway we could but in the end we had to accept that our son did not want our help, he only wanted our money, he only wanted us to keep enabling him.</p><p>He does not want to make the changes that we think he should. He wants to live his life on his terms, he's 33 years old, he's not a child so I have had to accept the choices he makes, the way he wants to live his life, I have to let it go.</p><p></p><p>I really do understand what you are feeling. I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. I'm glad you reached out and shared.</p><p></p><p>Sending you ((HUGS)) and hoping that you will be able to find some peace. You deserve to have some peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 655642, member: 18516"] Blackgnat, Your story sounds very familiar to me because it mirrors so closely to my son, right down to him being in CO. You are not a horrible monster you are simply a mother who's heart has been broken into a million little pieces by her child. You are numb. I have been there. You get to a point that you are just so tired, so drained emotionally that you have nothing left, you are just numb. It's not that you don't love your son you just have been drained. My son has been in and out of jail/prison more times than I care to count. He likes his drugs and alcohol and has no use for authority let alone having a job. He has two beautiful children that he has abandoned. He is homeless / couch surfs. It's been 2 months since I have heard anything from him, which is not unusual. It does however make me wonder if "this is it" is this the time that he died somewhere and I may never know. I have dealt with these types of feelings for closer to 5 years now. I have come to acceptance that I may never hear from my son again, that he could have died and I may never know. This is my truth, this is what I have had to come to accept. It hurts, my heart aches for the child I used to have. Over the years my husband and I have afforded our son so many "second" chances. We have tried to help him in everyway we could but in the end we had to accept that our son did not want our help, he only wanted our money, he only wanted us to keep enabling him. He does not want to make the changes that we think he should. He wants to live his life on his terms, he's 33 years old, he's not a child so I have had to accept the choices he makes, the way he wants to live his life, I have to let it go. I really do understand what you are feeling. I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. I'm glad you reached out and shared. Sending you ((HUGS)) and hoping that you will be able to find some peace. You deserve to have some peace. [/QUOTE]
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Surely his demise can't be far away? Sorry, VERY long!
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