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Surely his demise can't be far away? Sorry, VERY long!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 655683" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Blackgnat, welcome back to the forum! I am glad to see you. More later, but I just wanted to say, referencing your post above, that I would work to let go of what ex decides to do and how he does it.</p><p></p><p>I know you would feel so much better if ex would just bend on this. I so get that.</p><p></p><p>I have an ex too, and he and I were kind of on the same page with difficult child but still very different in how we went about things. I would wish desperately for him to relax or get tougher or any manner of things...so I didn't have to do it...whatever it was...and so I could feel better.</p><p></p><p>Many times he allowed difficult child to live with him...way after I kicked difficult child out and said no more, when I wished he wouldn't. I felt he enabled difficult child for a long long long time, way longer than I wanted him to.</p><p></p><p>But I had to accept...finally...that it was none of my business the boundaries he set or didn't set with our son. </p><p></p><p>We get it when we get it, and as you know, BG, we go back and forth for so long with our decision-making because this is really really hard stuff.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like your ex told your son what he needs to do to be able to use the RV. And to me, those requirements do not sound unreasonable. </p><p></p><p>If you can, just let that go. Your son knows the rules and knows what he needs to do to get access to the RV. If he chooses not to do those things, then that is what he chooses. </p><p></p><p>At some point, we have to stop bending all the time with our difficult children. It isn't good for us or for them. </p><p></p><p>I used to ask myself this question: Is what I am asking reasonable? That was my go-to litmus test for myself. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like to me that the situation as presented is reasonable. Remember, it's our difficult children that aren't reasonable, 99 percent of the time, not your ex, not you. </p><p></p><p>Let it go, let it go, let it go....that song from Frozen...if you can. I know it's hard when you're scared for him.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 655683, member: 17542"] Blackgnat, welcome back to the forum! I am glad to see you. More later, but I just wanted to say, referencing your post above, that I would work to let go of what ex decides to do and how he does it. I know you would feel so much better if ex would just bend on this. I so get that. I have an ex too, and he and I were kind of on the same page with difficult child but still very different in how we went about things. I would wish desperately for him to relax or get tougher or any manner of things...so I didn't have to do it...whatever it was...and so I could feel better. Many times he allowed difficult child to live with him...way after I kicked difficult child out and said no more, when I wished he wouldn't. I felt he enabled difficult child for a long long long time, way longer than I wanted him to. But I had to accept...finally...that it was none of my business the boundaries he set or didn't set with our son. We get it when we get it, and as you know, BG, we go back and forth for so long with our decision-making because this is really really hard stuff. It sounds like your ex told your son what he needs to do to be able to use the RV. And to me, those requirements do not sound unreasonable. If you can, just let that go. Your son knows the rules and knows what he needs to do to get access to the RV. If he chooses not to do those things, then that is what he chooses. At some point, we have to stop bending all the time with our difficult children. It isn't good for us or for them. I used to ask myself this question: Is what I am asking reasonable? That was my go-to litmus test for myself. It sounds like to me that the situation as presented is reasonable. Remember, it's our difficult children that aren't reasonable, 99 percent of the time, not your ex, not you. Let it go, let it go, let it go....that song from Frozen...if you can. I know it's hard when you're scared for him. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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Surely his demise can't be far away? Sorry, VERY long!
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