Surprise, surprise, surprise...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Things have been moving fairly quickly in the Witzend household since last I wrote. Ever since husband and I started seeing each other 27 years ago when things would go haywire with L, which was every other day for years, I would say "Let's just move. I can't stand it here." You know what has happened the last week or so with L, and of course I spent days in a funk. It took me two days to stop just being catatonic and start bawling, and of course my regret of having let the misery go on this long came out. Not just for me and husband and M - L was always the emergency of the moment for years and I'm not proud to say that I put her first - but they might not have been so cruel to her if they hadn't been so busy triangulating between each other and me with her as the hot potato. It's not the first time in the past couple of years that I've said to husband, "I should have walked away from it years ago." When L was young, husband and my parents would tell me that I couldn't possibly walk away from it, it was my duty to stay no matter how miserable things got for all of us. For the past year or so when I say "I should have walked away" husband says, "I know. I gave you bad advice. We should have moved on."

    Between my parents and siblings excluding me from all family functions since 1998, L excluding me from Christmas & Thanksgiving for about the same, with no contact with me on any holiday including Mother's Day since 2009, there's really no ties to hold us here. So this time when I said it he went online and started looking for work out of state. He's already had two interviews with one company and it looks promising. Some of you Southern Belles may have to help me out with how things work down there. I've had time to think about this, and L knew all along that she didn't want me to be a part of her life, she just was stringing me along when she wanted something. It also occurs to me that Dr. C's own children left home for the East coast about the time that L started excluding me completely from Christmas and Mother's Day.

    She had been with "B" for about 6 years up until last winter. He's the one that told her from the onset that he would never marry her and didn't want kids. It was like a date that she wouldn't go home from. I don't think she ever had a key to the house, just a code to the garage door. He kicked her out 3 or 4 times. They have a dog that they share custody of. He was a nice enough guy, he just didn't love her and understood that she was only in it for the money. When she got her inheritance last year, she moved out and it was over with B. There was a man we met last March whom she said was "the one" and was going to marry, then by April it was over and we met her now fiance N.

    I'm truly ready to walk away from L. I don't feel bad about it. The only thing I feel bad about is that I ignored how wrong it had gone for so long in the stupid hopes that things would ever get better. The more I know about how awful she was about me, the better I will feel about walking away. I talked it over with husband, and I sent B a text today to ask if I could talk to him. They switch off custody of the dog several times a week. He replied that he didn't really know much other than exchanging the dog anymore and asked what was up. I told him that L had asked Dr. C to be her "Mother of the Bride" and me to be a "guest" and I was done with her. That I was done with her and that I would feel better about it if I knew how much of a fool I'd been over the years. He wrote back "She's getting married?" I apologized for breaking it to him that way, and assumed that she had told him.

    A few more exchanges and we're having lunch tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes. Do I need to change my signature line back to

    "Do Not Poke the Bear"?
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sounds like you are getting your spirit back. I hope things work out with relocating.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Me too, Ms. Maybe-a-neighbor.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think I love your husband! He sounds like a good guy and I love him for loving you and being honest about his "mistake" though any of us can look in hindsight and say we should have .....

    I love that his energy went to finding a job and helping you to live the rest of your life. You are still young and have lots of time to do wonderful things and enjoy life with husband. I am so sorry for the sadness and hurt all of those people caused you. It is just terrible. But you are amazing in how you are looking to move on and work through things. I can't wait to hear about your adventures.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Buddy. I feel that way about him, too.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Your husband is awesome. But he would have to be because you are awesome and wouldn't/couldn't share a life with someone who was less than awesome!!

    I think a fresh start might be a great idea!

    Talking with B might be very enlightening. How interesting that she didn't tell him she was engaged. I wonder how many booty calls she has had/attempted with him after she was committed to her fiance. I hope you learn what you need to know to cauterize this wound and allow you to move away to build a new life and new home in a new area.

    Oklahoma is a lovely place to live. Tulsa and Oklahoma City are both great and so very different. So if an opportunity arises in OK, let me know!!!
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I think considering a relocation in the near future is really a healthy idea. If you had done it earlier on you would have been "running from" instead of "running to". Facing a fresh start with husband at your side may provide a whole new perspective on the future. It's awesome that your life partner is supportive and eager for your happiness. Sounds like a plan to me, lol. Hugs DDD
  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    You have a wonderful husband...the world is your oyster, let your future hold of all you and husband's dreams!
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Witz, I am so glad that you are making plans for a wonderful future with your dear hubbie. Sometimes a change of scenery is a very good thing when trying to move away from a hurtful situation. I am wishing both you and your husband all the happiness in the world in a lovely new home and a great new job.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree... a fresh start may be just what's in order here. This was a real turning point, I think.

    Your husband is awesome. But you know that :)
  11. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Can't wait until you get here!!! You can become a part of my nutty family!!! We do holidays and everyone is invited!
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good news!!!
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all. :) husband is indeed a real treasure. He had his second skype interview with this company this morning. It sounds as though it went very well. He had a phone interview Monday, a "technical interview" Wednesday, and they wanted to interview him yesterday but he had an early morning Rotary meeting so they waited until today. I would so love for him to go to this place. It's like a "Google" of "Facebook" type atmosphere, where dogs are allowed on Fridays, most every day is casual day, no cubicles, stand-up desks if you want them, on site gym, and daily nerf gun fights. Mandy could go with him and run the treadmill and maybe husband'd actually get on one too! They're a small company immediately hiring on several hundred because of gvt contracts, and looking to about a thousand. I've been looking at houses and there are some very nice ones. Health Insurance is Blue Cross and they pay 100%.

    For some reason, he was expecting today to be the "real technical" interview, because the Wednesday Skype almost seemed too easy. But when the time came it was the "touchy feely" interview. They seem ok with the idea that we're ready to move on. He's told them that our children are grown and gone - can't get much more truthful than that without sounding insane - and explained about last year's 93 straight days of rain, and summer only lasting from July 27 to August 6th, and the 220 consecutive cloudy days.

    I really like what I see of this company and hope that I haven't gotten my hopes up too high. But, he also has an interview next week for a permanent position in Dallas at very good money - I'm not as thrilled about Dallas - and a call came in from Las Vegas while he was on his Skype interview today. So, we'll see. I think that the Carolinas sound more like the landscape that we're used to than desert-y Dallas or Vegas, but it's early days. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
  14. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    What am awesome sounding company! Keeping fingers crossed.
  15. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Keeping my fingers crossed and wishing u the best Hugs Rabbit
  16. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sending HAPPY, positive energy you and husband's way!!! :)

    Personally - I know how much the sun shining over 75% of the time has impacted my mental life - the NW stinks in that aspect. Perhaps a new move, more sun, a new life away from drama will be the new start on life you have been waiting for! Keeping all body parts crossed!
    (Yes, avoid Dallas if possible. Bleck. Vegas is do-able though. Lots of mountains outside of the city.)
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I hope you're able to relocate. You and husband deserve it.

  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh man - I would love to work at the GooglePlex - sounds so cool! This sounds very exciting! I am so happy for you!
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The googleplex is in NC? man I need to get out more!

    I would love to have you as neighbors! One of my regrets was that you were so far away that I didnt think I would ever get to meet you. You would love NC.
  20. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Oh Witz, I really hope this works out for you! It's BEAUTIFUL in North Carolina and this could be the start of a whole new life for you and your husband!