surprise, surprise!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by therese005us, Aug 19, 2009.

  1. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Bio mum (of cherub) rang tonight and said she went to the doctor to get a referral for little cherub 18mos, and was told she might be autistic.
    I should be the doctor, didn't I say that two months ago?
    My concern is that poor little cherub won't get any early intervention therapy, or follow up therapy....

    How I wish DOCHS will make an order... I would love little cherub to get signing therapy so she could at least communicate.

    However, they probably won't until a couple years have passed to prove that bio mum isn't getting help for her... and it could be that long, which means it will be almost too late...

    It's so frustrating. Now we just need her to get the diagnosis on thte little boy (3) who already has symptoms of encopresis, and behavioral problems; speech problems. I'm tipping Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD); with a few other oppositional disorders (environmentally caused)

    I need chocolate - i'm so stressed!
  2. maril

    maril New Member

    I'm sorry to hear about the challenges these kids face and that help might be out of reach for the little girl. At least the kids have your help and support and I bet that makes a difference in their lives.

    Did you ever get any chocolate? Occasionally, when I buy chocolate bars, they disappear quickly! We have several chocolate lovers here in my house. :D
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It's very frustrating.

    We had DOCS called on us for difficult child 3 when he was 2. I'd had him in Family day Care which is monitored by the local council; the council worker dropped in to see how the Family day Care worker was gonig and she commented on difficult child 3's language delay and lack of social skills. I turned up to collect difficult child 3 from Day Care and was told by the worker/mum, "I'm sorry, I did tell her you're a caring parent but tis is procedure. She said it could make it easier for him to get help, it should open doors."

    I was upset and decided to pre-empt any DOCS involvement and I rang them. At first I was treated like dirt, they played the blame card. "Why have you not done anything about his language delay?"
    A - because I asked Community Health, and I've been waiting for them to get back to me.
    "Why didn't you ring them to push the urgency, to get his name up higher on the list?"
    A - I didn't think it was polite, everyone has a need, I thought they did teir own triage.
    "Why didn't you look for a private Speech pathologist?"
    A - I can't affoed it long-term and Community Health said they would permanently dump difficult child 3 if we went private, even for a diagnosis.

    And so on. We were told that maybe difficult child 3 had been emotionally neglected. So I said no, we spend a lot of time talking to him and playing with him, we are a highly verbal family and he is surrounded by speech.
    So they said, "He obviously isn't talking because he can't get a word in edgewise."
    Catch 22.

    Trish, is Little Cherub in any form of childcare? Other than you? If you are the only one, then who do YOU answer to? Because if you can lay the DOCS blame on them ("it's procedure, they just turned up to make a routine inspection") then you can avoid any problems between you and bio-mum.

    I still don't know for sure if Family Day Care mother didn't actually get pro-active herself with difficult child 3. He WAS a handful for her, I know. But in the long run, it was a good ting for us because it made me speed up on getting help, plus it sped up the system for us. difficult child 3 got his hearing checked out (an important step) and Community Health suddenly found a place for us in their Speech Assessment service.

    I hear you on the frustration of parents who don't worry about putting services in place; they figure kids will be kids and every kid will find their own level. difficult child 3's best mate is autistic but has had little or no intervention. He only has a diagnosis because I organised it all and arranged the appointments (coinciding with a re-assessment for difficult child 3), 'sold' them to the mother as an opportunity for us to also have a day out in the city after we'd met the psychologist. I handed her a list of services (including the free ones) and I even sat with her while she made the phone calls (otherwise she wouldn't have bothered). Her son struggles at school without an IEP; he went YEARS after a diagnosis of autism plus ADHD, with NO medications. Then when he was prescribed a short course of medications (so she would go back to the psychiatrist in two months with feedback) she doled out the pills, cut sustained release medications in half, tried them herself to see how it felt to be taking them and finally when they ran out, waited several YEARS before going back to the psychiatrist.

    Meanwhile her son runs wild. He gets bullied, so she goes and bullies the bullies (amazingly, nobody has called the police). Son has a father who is built like Arnie (same reasons) so son has learnt to use his fists to deal with the bullies, and to threaten getting his father to pay a visit.
    They are getting away with it because his autism is milder than difficult child 3, but this kid is heading for trouble in a few years' time when he reaches high school. All because his mother is letting him fend for himself.

    And I can't call anybody on her.

    Can you push bio-mum to access the free services via Community Health? The waiting time is long (a pain) but eventually you get to the top of the list. The big problem is the paperwork that they send out to be filled in now and then, to keep the kid on the list. Maybe if you can talk to her and offer to help, it might work out. Encourage her to bring you any paperwork so you can help her fill it in.

    I can just see how she would react to a Connors' test...

    It's funny, when you are accustomed to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in its various forms, you see it in so many places.

    My kids reckon I see autism under every rock. I say, with good reason. Every person I have said, "I think there is some degree of autism there," I challenge my kids to stay in touch and observe for themselves later on. difficult child 1 has begun to identify others who are on the spectrum. His mother in law, for example. A very annoying, controlling, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) person but underneath it all she is very open, genuine and scrupulously honest. Absolutely no guile. WYSIWYG. And he 'understands' her better than his wife does!

  4. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    I knew you'd eventually have some thoughts Marg. I just had to be patient and wait for them!
    What's a Connors test?

    Little Cherub goes to a daycare centre 3 x a week and to her gran's the other days. Mom has very little to do with her through the day, she's a pain the the xxxx?? I need my space/time. etc.
    I'm looking forward to having them for a little bit in the upcoming September holidays (I think!)

    I suggested to her that she get linked up with the Special Education pre school. They can go before age 4. And that she might benefit from learning some signs. She says she knows some already, 'yes' 'no' and 'thank you'.

    I knew I was wasting my breath.

    She said she doesn't know where the autism has come from in the family, as her partner's doesn't have any...... Oh Marg. I really had to hold my tongue! these people really have no idea!

    have you any idea where I can gt a DVD with some signs on? Or maybe I will contact the special school myself and find out some of the options available. I did have a foster child some years ago that attended, and it was brilliant. They even picked him up in a taxi each time as it was too far for me, when I had 3 under 3. So, there is government assistance for transport as well.

    I will talk to the community visitor about pulling a few more strings to get an order on these kids asap.

    Here's hoping.

    Yes, I got some chocoate tonight, and I have worked out some sneaky hidey holes..... but i bought it to eat, not play hide and seek with!