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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675574" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My Mother was like this. Only too late. When we were already old. Near 60 or over. It does not work that way. And my mother never acknowledged her part in sowing seeds of division, of favoritism, of comparing, of making one more this or that. </p><p></p><p>She wanted to make it all OK. It was not. She wanted me to forget a lifetime of hurt, betrayal an exclusion. I would not. I told her: I am afraid of (my sister.) I stay away because she hurts me. My mother kept trying. I would say: I will choose for myself. I maintain that right. My mother would not listen. Even after my sister put her in that hospital and threw away the key, without telling me. Even then my mother, after a time, wanted to make nice. Until the end. When my mother saw, what my sister could and would do. And did.</p><p>I do not want to be mean to your father, Serenity, but he chose not to see it. Whether from weakness or fear or convenience, he chose not to see. I give him credit for trying to do what he can do now. But it does not work that way. He is asking you to sacrifice yourself <em>and your family </em>to make nice. So that he feels better. </p><p></p><p>If you could do so, without risk of harm, I would say, think about it. But the very reason you stay away from them is because they hurt you. <em>Your sister tries to hurt you to the core</em>. Still. Your brother seems to put himself above you. Feeling he has the right to hurt you by speaking his own truth. Had he had the guts to talk to you face to face, instead of sending a letter, I might feel differently. You might too. He did not.</p><p> It sounds like it. </p><p></p><p>Let it go, Serenity. Try to let it go. You show your father respect and care and devotion. You cannot make a silk purse from a sow's ear. Not alone. And not at this late date. That is what I think.</p><p></p><p>Your father has relationships with each of his children. That is a lot. It is to his credit. It needs to be enough. It is not in your hands to fix this. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675574, member: 18958"] My Mother was like this. Only too late. When we were already old. Near 60 or over. It does not work that way. And my mother never acknowledged her part in sowing seeds of division, of favoritism, of comparing, of making one more this or that. She wanted to make it all OK. It was not. She wanted me to forget a lifetime of hurt, betrayal an exclusion. I would not. I told her: I am afraid of (my sister.) I stay away because she hurts me. My mother kept trying. I would say: I will choose for myself. I maintain that right. My mother would not listen. Even after my sister put her in that hospital and threw away the key, without telling me. Even then my mother, after a time, wanted to make nice. Until the end. When my mother saw, what my sister could and would do. And did. I do not want to be mean to your father, Serenity, but he chose not to see it. Whether from weakness or fear or convenience, he chose not to see. I give him credit for trying to do what he can do now. But it does not work that way. He is asking you to sacrifice yourself [I]and your family [/I]to make nice. So that he feels better. If you could do so, without risk of harm, I would say, think about it. But the very reason you stay away from them is because they hurt you. [I]Your sister tries to hurt you to the core[/I]. Still. Your brother seems to put himself above you. Feeling he has the right to hurt you by speaking his own truth. Had he had the guts to talk to you face to face, instead of sending a letter, I might feel differently. You might too. He did not. It sounds like it. Let it go, Serenity. Try to let it go. You show your father respect and care and devotion. You cannot make a silk purse from a sow's ear. Not alone. And not at this late date. That is what I think. Your father has relationships with each of his children. That is a lot. It is to his credit. It needs to be enough. It is not in your hands to fix this. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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