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Family of Origin
Surviving parent, whom I love, sad that his kids are estranged
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 675642" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Yes. In a very real way this is so. I would add that I believe the father is doing this at the sister's insistent instigation.</p><p></p><p>The father is the sister's victim in this as surely as Serenity is the sister's victim, because she and her father are talking about the sister and what the sister wants and how the sister feels and on and on that one goes.</p><p></p><p>Serenity and her father merit the honor of their relationship without the sister's interference.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>"<em>If you could do so, without risk of harm...."</em></p><p></p><p>I read that the wisest thing for us to do is cut all ties (you were right on that one, Serenity) and even, to cut ties with intermediaries, lest the sibling reach out through them for information with which to disparage us <em>or our children.</em> These people have no scruples.</p><p></p><p>They work behind our backs, turning even extended family against us with innuendo and even, outright lies.</p><p></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Yes. In the brother's defense, I will say he will have been chewed up and spit out by the sister. D H says my brother is the worst of the lot because he is a man and knows better. So, there has been a compromise and, for the sake of the mother, my brother has knowingly left me defenseless after I have done battle for him.</p><p></p><p>I would do it again, in a heartbeat.</p><p></p><p>But that is D H take on the brothers, whom D H says are not real men, because they have neither defended themselves nor protected their females.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>For all we know, the sister is pushing the father, is using him, not only to get to Serenity, but to make herself look like the gentle, forgiving sister to the father.</p><p></p><p>I can be wrong about this part Serenity <em>but the sister has done the same thing once already and you were the one hurt then, too.</em></p><p></p><p>You are always the one who is hurt whenever you have anything to do with that person masquerading as your sister while she tries to suck you dry like the spider at the center of the web.</p><p></p><p>Your sister is like my sister, and like Copa's: Not a sister, at all. There is no relationship to restore.</p><p></p><p>Run, Serenity.</p><p></p><p>That is what they said on the malignant narcissism threads. There is no win, there is no end point; it never stops.</p><p></p><p>Run.</p><p></p><p><em>***</em></p><p></p><p>D H and I were talking the other night about making decisions and taking the consequences without blinking. You made a sound decision to cherish your life and the lives of those you loved over the weird, wickedly hurtful confusion of a lifestyle that included a sister who seems to project her shortcomings onto you. And who works very hard to get everyone around her believing she is your victim when the opposite is true.</p><p></p><p>I think the sister is pushing for this in the background, and is using and hurting the father to do it.</p><p></p><p>Once the father is gone, the sister will have no access to Serenity or her family. Nasty as I am, I think the sister's actual goal has to do with turning the father, and nothing whatsoever to do with re-establishing relationship to Serenity. The sister will never give up.</p><p></p><p>Never.</p><p></p><p><em>While she discusses how she loves and misses Serenity with the father, and stokes him up to risk his own relationship with Serenity for her sake, the sister is also learning all kinds of things about Serenity and her family and her healing from the father, to whom the sister has presented herself ~ one more time ~ as Serenity's innocent, heartbroken victim. The sister is heartlessly manipulating the father, making him feel guilty and responsible when the truth is that he and Serenity were probably the only truly decent human beings in Serenity's family of origin.</em></p><p></p><p>Looks like I know everything again, today. Good. I have missed that about me.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>I have been reading about these kinds of people in the malignant narcissism postings. They never stop. That is what makes them malignant. They are focused somehow on whichever person it is they have targeted, and they never, ever stop. One of the stories I read had to do with a malignant narcissist whose victim died under mysterious circumstances that no one really believed had anything to do with the narcissistic twin sister <em>who then committed suicide one year to the day later.</em></p><p></p><p>To the day. To have that day for her date of death, too. Speculation was that without the sister to focus on and live through, the malignant narcissist had no reason to live. Suspicion that she was in fact her sister's murderer still exists.</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>They do things like that.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>That is where I learned too that we must cut ties even with intermediaries, or the malignant narcissist will call them, out of the blue, pump them for information and tell them some unsavory thing about us to weigh the relationship toward the dark side. Having opened that contact, the malignant narcissist will have access to that person whenever she needs a little information about the person she is obsessively attached to.</p><p></p><p>My sister does these kind of things, you guys.</p><p></p><p>And I know it, but I don't believe it, except that I know it is true. It seems like that cannot really be true. Who would do such things, and for what?</p><p></p><p>And yet, they do.</p><p></p><p>The sister should not be using the father like that. Shame on her for using him this way to insert herself into the relationship between Serenity and her father.</p><p></p><p>That is another benefit to the sister's behavior.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>I know.</p><p></p><p>Bad Cedar.</p><p></p><p>But they do things like this as a matter of course.</p><p></p><p>It has nothing to do with wanting relationship with Serenity, I don't think. It has to do with hurting the father, making him feel guilty to soften him up for something else the sister wants.</p><p></p><p>What a biatch.</p><p></p><p>I know.</p><p></p><p>Bad Cedar.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 675642, member: 17461"] Yes. In a very real way this is so. I would add that I believe the father is doing this at the sister's insistent instigation. The father is the sister's victim in this as surely as Serenity is the sister's victim, because she and her father are talking about the sister and what the sister wants and how the sister feels and on and on that one goes. Serenity and her father merit the honor of their relationship without the sister's interference. *** "[I]If you could do so, without risk of harm...."[/I] I read that the wisest thing for us to do is cut all ties (you were right on that one, Serenity) and even, to cut ties with intermediaries, lest the sibling reach out through them for information with which to disparage us [I]or our children.[/I] These people have no scruples. They work behind our backs, turning even extended family against us with innuendo and even, outright lies. [I] [/I] Yes. In the brother's defense, I will say he will have been chewed up and spit out by the sister. D H says my brother is the worst of the lot because he is a man and knows better. So, there has been a compromise and, for the sake of the mother, my brother has knowingly left me defenseless after I have done battle for him. I would do it again, in a heartbeat. But that is D H take on the brothers, whom D H says are not real men, because they have neither defended themselves nor protected their females. For all we know, the sister is pushing the father, is using him, not only to get to Serenity, but to make herself look like the gentle, forgiving sister to the father. I can be wrong about this part Serenity [I]but the sister has done the same thing once already and you were the one hurt then, too.[/I] You are always the one who is hurt whenever you have anything to do with that person masquerading as your sister while she tries to suck you dry like the spider at the center of the web. Your sister is like my sister, and like Copa's: Not a sister, at all. There is no relationship to restore. Run, Serenity. That is what they said on the malignant narcissism threads. There is no win, there is no end point; it never stops. Run. [I]***[/I] D H and I were talking the other night about making decisions and taking the consequences without blinking. You made a sound decision to cherish your life and the lives of those you loved over the weird, wickedly hurtful confusion of a lifestyle that included a sister who seems to project her shortcomings onto you. And who works very hard to get everyone around her believing she is your victim when the opposite is true. I think the sister is pushing for this in the background, and is using and hurting the father to do it. Once the father is gone, the sister will have no access to Serenity or her family. Nasty as I am, I think the sister's actual goal has to do with turning the father, and nothing whatsoever to do with re-establishing relationship to Serenity. The sister will never give up. Never. [I]While she discusses how she loves and misses Serenity with the father, and stokes him up to risk his own relationship with Serenity for her sake, the sister is also learning all kinds of things about Serenity and her family and her healing from the father, to whom the sister has presented herself ~ one more time ~ as Serenity's innocent, heartbroken victim. The sister is heartlessly manipulating the father, making him feel guilty and responsible when the truth is that he and Serenity were probably the only truly decent human beings in Serenity's family of origin.[/I] Looks like I know everything again, today. Good. I have missed that about me. :O) *** I have been reading about these kinds of people in the malignant narcissism postings. They never stop. That is what makes them malignant. They are focused somehow on whichever person it is they have targeted, and they never, ever stop. One of the stories I read had to do with a malignant narcissist whose victim died under mysterious circumstances that no one really believed had anything to do with the narcissistic twin sister [I]who then committed suicide one year to the day later.[/I] To the day. To have that day for her date of death, too. Speculation was that without the sister to focus on and live through, the malignant narcissist had no reason to live. Suspicion that she was in fact her sister's murderer still exists. [I] They do things like that. [/I] That is where I learned too that we must cut ties even with intermediaries, or the malignant narcissist will call them, out of the blue, pump them for information and tell them some unsavory thing about us to weigh the relationship toward the dark side. Having opened that contact, the malignant narcissist will have access to that person whenever she needs a little information about the person she is obsessively attached to. My sister does these kind of things, you guys. And I know it, but I don't believe it, except that I know it is true. It seems like that cannot really be true. Who would do such things, and for what? And yet, they do. The sister should not be using the father like that. Shame on her for using him this way to insert herself into the relationship between Serenity and her father. That is another benefit to the sister's behavior. Cedar I know. Bad Cedar. But they do things like this as a matter of course. It has nothing to do with wanting relationship with Serenity, I don't think. It has to do with hurting the father, making him feel guilty to soften him up for something else the sister wants. What a biatch. I know. Bad Cedar. [/QUOTE]
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