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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 630424" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh boy Pasajes, what a sucker punch! You responded in the most appropriate way imaginable and now of course, the guilt comes flying in. But you know what? This is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. This is your son's problem. He made this bed and how he has to sleep in it. It is unfortunate about your granddaughter, however, that is her fate as well. </p><p></p><p>If I were in your shoes today, I would run not walk to the nearest CODA meeting or Al Anon or Families Anonymous or wherever you can get TODAY. Just so you can be around folks who can help direct you out of the guilt, out of that mother's sense of responsibility we hold on to with our kids. It is NOT your responsibility. It is sad for all of them, but your son CHOSE to be in relationship with this woman and the consequences are his to bear NOT YOURS.</p><p></p><p>How you can help is to offer him suggestions on local shelters or Social Services. If he got fired from his job then he needs to be moving in the direction of a new job and seeking assistance if he is using drugs or abusing alcohol or whatever his drug of choice is. He needs to be clean and sober in order to move ahead. If he got fired I believe he can seek unemployment, so he should be putting effort in to that. Not putting you in the position of having to deal with him, his daughter and his girlfriend. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry Pasajes, that is a helluva phone call to receive. If he got evicted, this has been going on for awhile, eviction takes time. There is absolutely no reason you should take this on. However, I do understand empathy and compassion for his plight, but from afar. You can be supportive without taking this on yourself. I think the best thing you can do right now is continue with your boundaries and get some support as quickly as you can so you can stay the course and feel better about your choices without suffering from the guilt. </p><p></p><p>Sending you lots of warm wishes for peace of mind and serenity to return.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 630424, member: 13542"] Oh boy Pasajes, what a sucker punch! You responded in the most appropriate way imaginable and now of course, the guilt comes flying in. But you know what? This is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. This is your son's problem. He made this bed and how he has to sleep in it. It is unfortunate about your granddaughter, however, that is her fate as well. If I were in your shoes today, I would run not walk to the nearest CODA meeting or Al Anon or Families Anonymous or wherever you can get TODAY. Just so you can be around folks who can help direct you out of the guilt, out of that mother's sense of responsibility we hold on to with our kids. It is NOT your responsibility. It is sad for all of them, but your son CHOSE to be in relationship with this woman and the consequences are his to bear NOT YOURS. How you can help is to offer him suggestions on local shelters or Social Services. If he got fired from his job then he needs to be moving in the direction of a new job and seeking assistance if he is using drugs or abusing alcohol or whatever his drug of choice is. He needs to be clean and sober in order to move ahead. If he got fired I believe he can seek unemployment, so he should be putting effort in to that. Not putting you in the position of having to deal with him, his daughter and his girlfriend. I'm so sorry Pasajes, that is a helluva phone call to receive. If he got evicted, this has been going on for awhile, eviction takes time. There is absolutely no reason you should take this on. However, I do understand empathy and compassion for his plight, but from afar. You can be supportive without taking this on yourself. I think the best thing you can do right now is continue with your boundaries and get some support as quickly as you can so you can stay the course and feel better about your choices without suffering from the guilt. Sending you lots of warm wishes for peace of mind and serenity to return. [/QUOTE]
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