suspended 1 day from school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by luvmyottb, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Things have been pretty quiet in my neck of the woods until this morning. Principal called and is suspending difficult child next Tuesday for stealing.

    She stole a snack out of a classmates backpack. Lied and denied it, but came clean with the principal.

    Principal says she wanted to drive the point home about stealing, hence the suspension. I have no problem with it at all. I want difficult child to feel some embarassment.

    I am undecided how to punish her at home. I've already spoken with her and she's playing quietly in her room. Waiting for husband.

    Any suggestions?
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I think that may be enough, assuming your difficult child feels remorse and has learned a lesson. I'm big into writing 10X or 20X, "I promise not to steal," so that's a thought.

    When I was in 5th grade, a classmate who was actually a nice kid, swiped some candy from my desk ... and replaced it with something he had. One of the items was chocolate cigarettes (of course, I'd remember chocolate). He confessed to me and I was really ticked.

    I tattled on him.

    I feel guilty to this day. I don't recall what happened to him ... nothing huge, probably had to stay after and wash the chalk board ... but I felt put-upon and didn't think I expressed my dismay forcefully enough, and suspected I would continue throughout the yr with-exchanged items I didn't want, so that's one of the reasons I tattled.

    Sheesh, the things you remember.

    Anyway, he turned out all right. He never stole from me again, anyway, and he still liked me after that. We ended up going to the same college.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    by the way, do you know what the snack was? You don't want to reward bad behavior, but at some point, maybe in two wks, you could purchase a larger quantity of the item and actually pack it in her lunch to deter her from stealing it again.
  4. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    She is very remorseful and quiet today. Took away TV and computer, but left her with nintendo DS.

    When I spoke with her, I conveyed disappointment and embarassment, not anger. husband will speak to her on Saturday, he maybe hitting her up for heavy duty chores but usually he allows her to win back some tv or computer time.

    She has been doing so well recently, but I guess we will have to take a few steps back occasionally. IEP meeting coming up on 1/27 so we will find out how she really is doing.

    Terry, she stole pop tarts I think. I will find out and buy some down the road so she doesn't feel tempted. It is amazing what sticks in your memory from childhood. Got a chuckle of your experience!;)
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Truthfully, I probably wouldn't do much -maybe a little chastising, but it looks like the school handled it to me. If it's been an ongoing problem I would look at that differently, but if this is the first instance, I'd just "smack her hand" figuratively, and move on.
  6. cadydid

    cadydid New Member

    I agree with the others.. I wouldn't do too much.. the school handled it. If anything.. I'm a big 10x 20x person myself. to the point my son now expects it as a consequence.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It was STRONGLY recommended to us by a number of tdocs and the dev pediatrician I trusted that if Wiz got suspended then he would spend the entire day doing chores. HARD labor, like raking leaves, scrubbing cabinet doors, etc.... I actually worked up a LIST of things he would have to do if he got suspended! He really didn't like that list, so he works hard to avoid the chores, LOL!

    this is JUST a suggestion, so if it doesn't work for you and your family, that is fine.

    Gentle hugs,

  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    School punishments should stay at school, in my opinion. If she did it at school and is being punished by the school, then that should be it. You can of course express your opinion and discuss it, but I wouldn't add to the punishment.

    However, being off school for a day shouldn't be a reward. Even when one of my kids is sick, I don't reward with time off school in case they get a conditioned response to 'feel sick' to get out of schoolwork. So we have the rule, "school work during school hours". With advance notice I would get schoolwork from school and set her to do it. Any outstanding homework, get that done too. Not as a punishment, but merely to maintain activity.

    I would lay in stocks of spare schoolwork stuff (I bought books with maths and comprehension exercises in them and kept them for emergencies) and when the school's pile of work was done, I let the kid loose on what I had got together.

    Or I would get the child to watch an educational DVD or similar. It needn't be unpleasant in any way, just edifying. I even got my kids (difficult child 3, anyway) to play on some educational computer games (Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? or similar).

    If one of my kids was genuinely sick then chances are, all they would want to do was sleep. That was the only way out of doing schoolwork. That way even when the kids were genuinely sick, they generally continued doing schoolwork with no fuss. It has also meant that when we segued into home schooling, we had already paved the way.