Suspended again.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by zachieandameliasmom, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. zachieandameliasmom

    zachieandameliasmom New Member

    AIYA! When will this end??

    Tuesday I get an email from difficult child's homeroom teacher(he's in 5th grade) saying how proud she is of him. He's been great since coming back from Christmas break. ETC...

    No lie, next day get a call from the school to come pick up difficult child. UGHH The counselor is the one who called. She said he was being disruptive in class, so the teacher said to go to the resource room. He refused. Told her no. Said he didn't want to go there with-all the dumb kids. UGHH Details get a bit sketchy here. Guess he got up to go there. Gets in the resource room and refused to sit down. Was pacing back and forth the room. Resource teacher then told him to go to the office. Well, he didn't. He returned to classroom. Then somehow he finally made it to the office. VP talks to him and he wouldn't really talk to her. Was being rude/disrespectful. She gave him some work to do and he proceeded to tear it in half and throw it. Principal wasn't in office at time so VP sends him to counselor. He usually will talk to her. Counsellor said he wouldn't talk and wouldn't even get up to come in her office. She said she was going to call his Dad. He said go ahead I don't care. UGHH Couldn't get Dad on phone, so she calls me at work. Told me to come pick him up. He was smarting off in the background. Not sure what he said. I told her to put him on phone. I told him to stop being disrespectful to adults NOW. Tried to find out what was going on. the standard answer of I don't know. So, I rush to get work done and go out there. It takes 30 min to get there from my work. Get in there and talk to counsellor. She said he calmed down after talking to me and they had a nice talk. ?? Whatever. She said she mentioned how smart he was and didn't need to be acting the way he was. She asked why he wasn't in the PACE program(gifted) and he started to cry. He said he wanted to be in it but they wouldn't let him. He was tested in 2nd grade and they claimed he didn't qualify. I know it's because he has behavior issues and they didn't want to deal with-it. Which maybe, just maybe if the child was challenged at school he wouldn't get bored and act out. But hey what do I know! So, we go home. Took away all priveleges. Told him he'd have to earn them back. He was remourseful and behaved fine at home that night.

    So, yesterday he goes off to school with-no problems. Seemed fine. Said he would have a good day. Well, around 11 am I get another call saying principal says come get him. I was off yesterday and at Target at the time. I check out go to school. Walk in and sp ed teacher was in office with-principal. The principal said he was doing same thing today. he said in his 33 yrs experience he's never had a child like difficult child. He said he's tried every approach and nothing works. He said he worries more about difficult child then any other child. He said he feels like he's failed with-him. He wanted to know about his therapy appointment. Well, it was yesterday and we hadn't gotten there yet. So, he wants therapist to call him and talk to him. He wanted to suspend difficult child for 4 days, but after our talk he reduced it to just today. UGHH The sp ed teacher informed me that the day school they wanted to get him into is full and long waiting list. So no way will he get in this year. She said no alternative schools for elem age kids. She said only other thing would be for him to go 1/2 days or every other day. I said HUH? What good would that do? It would only punish me by having to miss work and possibly lose my job. It wouldn't help difficult child. Principal agreed. She said we'll have a new IEP meeting ASAP. Well, what are we supposed to put in place? I mean they call at the drop of the hat for me to come get him.

    I don't know what to do. The school doesn't know what to do. I can't just quit my job and home school him. Although it kinda looks like that might be forced upon me.

    What are my options???

    Went to his first therapy appointment yesterday right after the school. The guy is really nice and he and difficult child seemed to click. So, maybe he'll be of some help. Only thing is he is booked. Couldn't get another appointment until Feb 4th. And it was only a half session. Then next full session was Feb 17th. So, how is that going to help now?? You know? He sold me a book and work book. It has contracts in there etc...

    Oh and next Thur husband and I are going on a cruise. Now I'm going to be worried sick about what is difficult child doing. My parents are coming over to keep the kids. We will be gone Thur, Fri, Sat, Sun and return Mon am......

    Any thoughts, ideas?? I'd appreciate anything at this point.
  2. artana

    artana New Member


    I'm just beginning to deal with some issues, but my children are younger than most on the boards, so others may have better advice. What I have is based on having a behavior therapist in the school. They have a system where the children get points on a behavior sheet that gets signed by every teacher. At the end of the day, the sped teacher gives him or her 2 "dollars" at the end of the week, the dollars can be spent on a toy or saved for the following week.

    In addition to that, at home we have instituted another suggestion by the behavior therapist. The children get their age in real dollars on Saturdays. Then, when they misbehave, they get money taken away (.50 cents per incident unless you think it's serious enough to go up to a dollar), if they want to play video games they pay 50 cents, if they want to go to sports they pay 50 cents. You set some long-term goals like if he collects X amount of money you will go to his favorite restaurant or if he collects way more money you will take him to a theme park (for example).

    If they want more money, they can do extra chores or you can enforce behaviors that you really want to enforce by giving them 50 cents for those behaviors (so, if you want him/her to wake up and be ready at a certain time, you give him 50 cents for that, but you do not necessarily take any money away if they can't do it), and you give them money based on the behavior points that they get from school. Therefore, better behavior = more money to play with.

    The other thing the behavior therapist warned us about was that the first 4 weeks on any behavior plan, the child might behave worse before they behave better and that it's perfectly normal. So anything you pick, stick with it for four weeks before you call it a failure.

    So...erm...that's what my advice is. It's been working pretty well. I might have to tweak it a bit, but behavior at school has improved and he is proud that he is saving money.
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2009
  3. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    We just started a similar system with- difficult child at school. She gets credit for being prepared, homework done, and on time to class. At the end of the day she turns in her points for a prize. It works because it's immediate reward. (we've tried other reward systems with-o success)

    If your child has an IEP, can you request to have him retested? maybe they'll allow more challenging work into his cirriculum since it should be individulaized anyway.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Has he had an FBA and does he have a BIP? Were both suspensions due to disrespect? A BIP, when it was followed, really helped my difficult child. When it's followed he does so much better.

    I'm glad your principal didn't suspend for 4 days-that seems way too harsh (I've only seen kids suspended for that long when they've been violent-and then not usually 4 days). I'm also glad he realized it wouldn't help. Suspension, for our difficult children, usually don't help. It never worked once for my difficult child.

    Is their some type of reward he would be willing to work towards while you are on the cruise?

    Gentle hugs.
  5. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

    Sounds like your difficult child and my difficult child may have some things in common. He's also 10 and in 5th grade, ADHD/ODD, on Vyvanse 70mg and 20mg of Prozac. Unfortunately, we are still trying to figure it all out too so I really don't have any advice but to hang in there and don't give up.

    My difficult child's school suspends him whenever he "threatens" someone. (3 times so far this year) Unfortunately, in his world, this happens often when he is frustrated or angry. I agree that suspension does nothing but in my opinion give the teachers a break from him. He spends a lot of time in in-school suspension for the types of behaviors that your son is getting suspended for! I would definitely be checking out the rules & regs on that one. I've expressed to our principal that suspension does is cause a hardship for our family. In this tough economic time we are in, missing work is NOT an acceptable behavior from ME! Many are being layed off as it is! I've tried getting the Daycare to keep him, and they did 1 time, but after that, they were like "we've decided we cannot intervene in these situations" .....

    All I can offer is to wish you the best of luck and let you know you aren't alone!! This board suggests reading "The Explosive Child". I am reading it now and it has been very helpful.

  6. zachieandameliasmom

    zachieandameliasmom New Member

    Is BIP behavior intervention plan? Yes, he has one in place. But, obviously it needs to be modified now. We are having another IEP meeting soon.

    What is FBA?? Not familiar with-that term.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'll just give our experience- this sounds exactly what was going on with my son at school, intermittently, when his medications were making him worse. Right after it got to a point that he went on a 1 1/2 hr crime spree, he was taken off SSRI (prozac), and eventually put on mood stabilizers. We have had no major difficulty at school since and that was about 18 mos ago. Stims can cause similar reactions as SSRI's in some kids, I think.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    A BIP is a behavior intervention plan. An FBA is a Functional Behavior Assessment. They did one with my difficult child before they developed his BIP. They came in and him and then we all sat down and developed the BIP from the FBA.
  9. zachieandameliasmom

    zachieandameliasmom New Member

    At difficult child's last psychiatrist appointment I inquired about mood stablizers. He is so not a medicine doler outer type doctor. You know what I mean. He just doesn't like to do it. That's why he sent difficult child to the therapist. We also talked about bipolar. He said while difficult child exhibits some signs of it he doesn't have others. Such as he has remorse after these incidents. Etc.. So, he wasn't ready to label him BiPolar (BP). I don't know though. difficult child has mood swings like crazy. Like he's in one now. I really think he'd benefit from a mood stablilizer. I might give them a call and see if he'll reconsider. difficult child has taken risperdal in the past. It was rx'd by a different doctor though. This one got him off of it.

    Do you have to wean off of zoloft???

    At that appointment I also inquired about a neuropsychologist evaluation. He said they only use those for traumatic brain injuries or stroke patients. ????
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2009
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Please don't make any medication changes based just on what I throw out or without your prescribing dr's approval. I'm not a dr and certainly can't suggest the right medications for anyone- nor do I know his diagnosis. I am under the impression though, that stims and SSRI's (and personlly, I also think allergy/asthmatic medications) can make some kids hyper or manic or aggressive and that doesn't necessarily mean they are bipolar.

    I would suggest discussing it with a psychiatrist or getting a second opinion. Especially if any of these behaviors came about or got worse after the addition of a medication or an increase in dosage. But, the main thing is, if the medication isn't helping your child or is causing problems in some other area (behavior for instance), then it doesn't sound like the right medication. My son has not been on any of the medications you list for your difficult child, but he has had bad reactions to prozac and others. I have heard that sometimes the bad reactions occur even after months of being on a medication that seemingly was effective, but I don't know for sure about how often that occurs or anything.
  11. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Go for the neuropsychologist evaluation. They are not used strictly for trauma patients. A large percentage of us on the board have used a neuropsychologist for evaluations on our difficult child's

    My daughter had a pediatric neuropsychologist evaluate her. He spent 7 hours with her in one day. They provide you with a much more detailed report versus a regular psychologist. The school psychologist was impressed with the testing I had done. ;)

    You just need all the information you can get to get to the root of your difficult child's issues so the therapist and psychiatric dr. can do their jobs to help your child. You can find a neuropsychologist at a university setting. Mine worked with the University of Colorado.

    Talk to psychiatric dr., but yes I believe you need to wean off Zoloft. Good luck.
  12. cadydid

    cadydid New Member

    One suggestion I might make is see if it is possible to include your son in the BIP. I know when the first one up for my son. it was out the window inside of 3 weeks.. nothing they did worked.

    I asked them to re-evaluate it, and this time include son in it.. His case manager was the one to suggest it. While kind of of difficult at first, he finally started to participate. He liked that he had a say in what happened to him when he is not at his best.

    He knew it so well that he corrected the VP at the middle school the last time he got in trouble.. VP thought he was at step 3 when in fact he was at step 2.... He will do anything to avoid step 3.. that's a call to me.

    I don't know how old your son is.. mine is 13, and age will definitely play a part in it.
  13. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Go back to the principle and with the conselor talk about what he does need to put your child in the pace program...
    the fact that the principle has not befor dealt with a child behaving like him or whatever ...surprise! If he is perplexed imagin how difficult for others who have less to go on.
    The supports and the special services to provide your learner an appropriate free education DOES mean that the principle will have to dig into the district resources and either shake out time with a qualificant they have hired now or headhunnt for an appropriate specialist asap. Ask how many other students in the school and district need such a specialist. They are there. It is just nonscence when the principles feel confident throwing kids under the bus rather than bury the doe with the referrals for the services that are needed in his school now.

    CAn your child study on line for any part of his learning at this time? Is the symulation of the others in the classroom distraction from the academics?
    Can the conselor be working more closely with the teacher to achieve a pattern for him which gets him oout of the classroom when it is "to much" rather than the meathod in place now where he is punished and left to feel 'stupid' when he is going through something. Who know what is going on in the class befor these outbursts anyway? CAn the classroom be vedioed for a week to check what it is that is underpinning this?
    In the book hellp my special needs child when the school personel is doing this
    it is called"admiring the problem".
    Essentially what is the principle saying? Is it "I don't know" ? Where is the distrcit psycologist in this matter? Where is the behavior support in the school to give this leaarner the tools to function in school at this time? At your house?
    Can the lack of appropriate preparation to maintain your childs educaational needs for a full day then be turned to plugging the cost to caare for him when they aare electing not to do their part?
    Could you ask do they then mark that the child is returned to parental care and they then do not recievee the pay for his attendance for those hours? The Special Education students are in reality a piece of the income pie. And the one thing aabout the nochild left behind mandaate is that much as they rant and rave they aare not able to discriminate against children who have "issues' and make the daily life of a teaacher a matter of teaching whomever they prefer.