Sweet Betsy-UGH!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MrsMcNear50, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. MrsMcNear50

    MrsMcNear50 New Member

    Hello Board Buddies-

    Thought I'd give ya all a quick run down of the latest events. Ugly stuff as always.

    A couple months ago, I went to pick SB up to take her to my house for dinner. Had only seen her twice in 3 months and was missing her. She'd been staying with her unsavory friends.

    Barely made it in the door and friend calls and tells her she is not welcome to come back. She was 2 weeks behind on her rent and had no money coming in. I cringed.

    Promises upon promises...If you just let me stay a few weeks mom, I'll get a job, blah, blah blah. Ok. First couple of weeks, she put in applications, no drama. 3rd week, drama starts. Same ole stuff. I'll spare you the details.

    Remember when boyfriend almost beat her to death in Feb? Well, she still LOVES him, insert barf. She was told more than once, If he ever comes into my home, you are out.

    Came home unexpectedly a couple of Saturdays ago. Walk in and the monster is asleep on my couch, head on my pillows. All I could say when I saw him was, HELL NO!!! He sat up, I told him to get the F out of my house and SB to go with him. They left, I packed up her stuff, put it on the pation, locked the place up tighter than Ft. Knox and left for a couple of days.

    Came home, her stuff was gone. No phone calls for a few days, then the I'm homeless mom. Please let me come home. NOT HAPPENING SB.

    All summer, my best friend and I have been talking about me moving in with her. I'd be 5 mins. from work, easy child and my family. Much less rent, and not so much isolation of living alone. And, SB could NOT come home. SOLD!

    She took the news ok, but I could see a look of shock on her face when she realized what that meant. I explained that it was all about me, not her this time, and I was going to make the move. She said she loved me and I haven't talked to her since.

    This is gonna be a great move for me. No more 35 mile drive home from work...only 4 miles now. With winter approaching, it will be wonderful. And, my best friend, since 2nd grade, is a great support and my accountability partner. It's a perfect match.

    So, my life goes on and SB is still stuck in the same place. I did remind her that I will always be there for her when she decides to help herself....

    Blessings to ALL!

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry about SB but I have to say I really admire your fortitude. You are my hero. I am truly going to remember you when I feel weak.
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Julie, I had to say the same thing to Rob...over and over...I hope it clicks with Betsy.

    Great news about your move!

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Your plan sounds exactly like what you need! I hope the move is very smooth and easy and that your home with your bff is filled with laughter, love, support and caring!!

    Hopefully Betsy will know you alway have and always will love her.

    Your strength and grace inspire me, thank you for sharing your life with us.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sorry it's still not clicking with Betsy. But so proud of you for making such a wise and good move for yourself!! You go girl!!

  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Julie, Good for you. I too have had to say this to my difficult child. Have a good move and a good new life. -RM
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Julie, I'm sorry about Sweet Betsy didn't live up to her name. It's a terrible waste of a person.

    Your new life chapter sounds promising. Best of luck to you.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Good for you, Julie! :D
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Ya know what..I think this is actually a good post.
    You mentioned many wonderful things about this move for you! You are happy about it. It is well thought out and many positives for YOU. This is the PE forum. Time for you this go around.
    You have given your difficult child upteenth chances. That part of it all is sad...this is true. But, why concentrate on that? Besides, you are setting such an extraordinarily good role model for he. When (and if) she can see her own self worth in the future, perhaps you can provide her some resources...an idea, a few dollars, a trip or two to the doctor, some clothes for a job interview....but as you know by now...not such a good idea to do any of these things unless our difficult children show real effort on their own. Doesn't sound like she is ready now. What choices do you have? Live your life and kudos for you for moving forward in such a healthy manner. Moments from work....AWESOME! and SMART!
    Job well done my friend. Prayers for your daughter.....applause for you!
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    O.M.G. YOU said the F word? And had to get NEW pillows? (insert gack sound) - rofl I can see you now carrying your pillows out by a thread to the front door and drop kicking them out to the front lawn like a Super Bowl punt! AND you are moving too!? WOW! What a week! (hugs) Maybe without the safety net of a home to come back to SB will get her life together. An Auntie never gives up hope.
  11. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    You are sound fantastic! I too am sorry that SB doesn't seem to be getting it and fixing her life. I also see you setting a great example for her through your actions, your words, by living your own life.

    This move sounds healthy in all areas and sounds like a great way to start living for yourself beyond role of "mom". You will always be her mother, but you are moving forward knowing she is an adult therefore you are no longer her provider. It can only help her in the long run to realize that mommy isn't someone who can pick up her mess any more. I will continue to hope for both of your sakes that she starts making better life choices.