Sweet Betsy Update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MrsMcNear46, Aug 13, 2008.

  1. MrsMcNear46

    MrsMcNear46 New Member

    Hi to All-

    Just wanted to post a quick update on my Sweet Betsy and my even Sweeter grandson Lincoln....not good this time.

    Will spare you the horrid details, but Bets and Lincoln moved back in with me a month ago, after living in Chicago for 2 years. difficult child Boyfriend, went off the deep end, again, told Betsy it was over and she could take Lincoln and leave. This after the last 6 months of telling her he would have her arrested if she took Lincoln out of the home. She booked a train ticket and the night before she was leaving, he punched her in the face while she was holding the baby. He did go to jail, she did get an OP, and she came home, 2 black eyes and a busted up nose, thankfully, Lincoln was not hurt.

    I would like to think she would just give up on this loser, but she stated today that she still loves him despite all the horrible things he has done to her....I thought I was going to puke, but just walked away. DCFS was called by Loser boys mother when the incident took place, so they have been to the house the last 3 weeks. She is to begin domestic abuse counseling this week and I only pray to God they can get thru to her. They did make it clear to her that there was NO WAY they would allow her to move Lincoln back in with the creep, so for that I am thankful. I know she won't leave Lincoln and the OP is good until Jan. 2010.

    I am ok with her being home, she has been helpful and respectful, takes wonderful care of the baby, and has no plans on living with me for long. I just wonder how desperate the consequences have to be to really impact her....I just don't understand that part.

    Prayers and bead rattles would be appriciated.....will this ever end.

    Blessings to All,

    Mrs. McNear
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope they can teach Sweet Betsy how to value herself! Glad you are enjoying the GS!
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It is SO hard to watch your daughter stay in an abusive relationship. I went thorugh this with my youngest, and it was heartbreaking. What I did learn was that the more I commented on it, the more she clung to him. I did find a great book called "Why Does He Do It?" which helped me understand the situation a bit more, and I lent it to her.. I think it helped.

    It's a psychological, addictive bond that an abused woman has with her abuser. It is NOT easy to break.

    Hang in there.. hugs..
  4. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I hope she finds her own worth too and is able to break free from her abuser. DCFS will take her baby if she choses to go back to him. I hope that is motivation for her. I'm glad she came home and that all is working out for now.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Wow, it's hard to believe he will be one soon!

    Sending lots of prayers for Betsy to open her eyes.
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Ugh! Abusers should be put in jail cells with the biggest, meanest felons that can be found. It would be so nice for them to get a taste of their own medicine. As to the women, who stay with abusers, they have my deepest sympathies. It is hard to walk away. I think many women think (a) they did something to deserve it and (b) they can ultimately change him. Hopefully, counseling will help her.

    For now, at least she is safe with you and her priority is her son, which means she won't be seeing the abuser all that often, if at all.
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Saying prayers, rattling beads and crossing everything that Betsy gets the help she needs to break free from the abusive boyfriend.

    been there done that. Sometimes a smashed-in face isn't enough of a wake-up call. Lets hope that the OP AND the knowledge that she could lose her baby if she goes back to him is enough to keep her away for good. I also hope that the time and distance away from the creep will let Betsy build up her strength and confidence enough to realize that she deserves so much better than that.

    Glad to hear that you're getting to spend lots of time with little Lincoln.

    Last edited: Aug 13, 2008
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Julie, I hope that Betsy understands how lucky she is to have 2 strong women in her life....loser-boy's Mom who had the courage to report her own son, and you who opened your door to Betsy and Lincoln when they needed you.

    I'm sending very good thoughts to all 3 of you that she gets the message, that Lincoln gets the strong Mom HE deserves, and that you get your gift of love back tenfold.

  9. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I hope that the counseling she receives will open her eyes to the truth of her situation. You can still love someone and not take their abuse!!! As you know, the more you try to make her see it, the more she will defend him. Just agree with her right now and let the professionals handle getting her to see the truth.
  10. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I also pray that the counseling will be of help. Is there any group counseling involved? I suspect this could be of more help than one on one counseling. Prayers for your daughter, grandson and for you as well...I am sorry that this happened.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You might want to contact your local domestic violence shelter and see if they have any group meetings she could attend. They are usually very good.

    Maybe time away from him will help her to see she is worthy of respect and being treated well.

    Glad she is doing well at home and you're able to enjoy Lincoln. Man, they do grow up fast, don't they?

  12. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    When husband and I found out difficult child's boyfriend was abusive, we went to talk to a counselor at the local domestic abuse agency. It was tremendously helpful. We learned when to push and when to just be there for her. We learned on average that women return to their abusers SIX TIMES before they get out for good. The boyfriend is now serving 9-11 years for trying to kill her. She is finally moving on and dealing with the issues that landed her in that horrible situation to begin with. But then, we couldn't get difficult child to go to couseling until after that last time. And I truly believe the only reason she testified against him was because of her baby...she knew him being taken from her was a very real possibility unless she followed through on getting that dirtbag out of their lives. I hope Lincoln motivates Betsy to do the same. I highly recommend you go to a counseling session or two at the same place as she.

    My thoughts and prayers are with all three of you.

  13. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Ditto Suz.

    I hope she finds the help SHE needs so she can help her lovely son.

    Hugs to all of you.

  14. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Ugh! such a heartbreak. I hate bullies. They are so good at being big and bad with someone weaker than themselves.

    Her love for him isn't much consolation to her busted up face but I know there are limits of what we can do to help our children find their own way to a healthy, fulfilling life. It's almost an addiction for some women who go back over and over. They can't seem to stop the old tape over and over in their heads. They go through the same behavior over and over with no evaluation of her part in it and why the consequence is always the same.

    Men who hit women and children should be publicly flogged for their brutish behavior. I'd pay to watch.
  15. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Thoughts and prayers going out to/for all three of you. I hope Betsy sees the light.