Sweet Betsy

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MrsMcNear46, Nov 29, 2007.

  1. MrsMcNear46

    MrsMcNear46 New Member

    Although Sweet Betsy has made so much progress and has matured majorly in the past 2 years, life is not that great for her.

    Her boyfriend is a major difficult child, substance abuse problems, major anger issues, controlling to the hilt. Yet she stays with him because of the baby. Of course he has already threatened that if she leaves he will fight her big time for custody. She can't stand the thought of the possiblility of losing Lincoln, so she sticks around and puts up with the abuse. It's sickening.

    From all of your wonderful advise on detaching, I know what I am suppose to do. As hard as it may be, I've been doing well not letting either of them drag me into their drama. Yet I worry that he will go off the deep end and hurt her.

    I see her self esteem spirialing downward with each passing day and what pride she had in herself disappearing. I hurt for her.
    She is a wonderful mother to Lincoln, who by the way is the sweetest baby, but doesn't deserve the life he has. So very sad.

    No advice needed here, just a vent I guess. I would appriciate prayers, bead rattles etc though. We all need em.



  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    She has made so much progress lately that I will keep my fingers
    crossed that she will reach out for the professional support she
    needs in her situation. I am truly sorry that you have to be
    concerned about her safety. Sending caring thoughts. DDD
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Remind her that courts rarely give custody to a substance abuser. If he's never been arrested for it, pictures speak a 1,000 words. You're right to detach as much as you can. It's good that she'll confide to you. At least you can gently give her advice and she can then decide to do what is right for her.

    I hope she has the lightbulb moment that lets her get out of this situation. Will light a candle for her.
  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I will pray that she can someday realize she deserves so much more.
    You are right. There is nothing more you can do but detatch, though I know that doesn't make it any easier.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm sorry to hear about Sweet Betsy. Hopefully, she will draw on her strength and lessons learned.
    I agree with meowbunny. Just because he says he is going to fight for custody doesn't mean he will get it. In the meantime, she has to keep herself out of difficult child behavior so he has no ammunition.

    If he is dangerous, then she needs to have a plan. You should have a plan also, if she shows up at your door or you get a phone call. From the sounds of it, it's not going to be long.

    She has come far as DDD pointed out and she is being responsible for a child. This is big progress. Now she has to make sure the child has the same chance to grow up as she did when you raised her.

    Very scary stuff.Hugs.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    What Fran said. Get the local hotline numbers and a list of organizations that provide "safe houses" Keep it updated because the time may come that you will need a quick reference. In the meantime I will pray that your daughter comes to her sences. -RM
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I agree about preparing now for the visit or phone call that might come in the future. I am proud of your ability to see the big picture and I'm so sorry for your aching heart.