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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 695014" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Heather, I have been following along here. </p><p></p><p>I think you are so correct that nobody can understand the He__ we have been through here with our DCs, and the tremendous torment we all suffer through years and years of trying to figure out what to do, and making a mix of good and bad decisions in an impossible situation. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I understand your sister can have the best of intentions and still not get it. At all. It's kind of like people at a funeral who, in their desire to comfort, say EXACTLY the wrong thing over and over again, causing us even more pain. </p><p></p><p>A couple of points: Your sister doesn't get to decide what you do or the timing of doing it. Just because she is now raising this, right now, doesn't mean you need to do anything different, now or ever. </p><p></p><p>You are the only one who can determine what you do. I know that, of course, you desire a relationship with your daughter. But you also have to trust your own experience here. Has anything changed with your daughter? If not, why now? </p><p></p><p>On the other hand, it can be good to re-evaluate things from time to time and perhaps your sister's comments have stimulated that. That doesn't again, mean it's time for a change.</p><p></p><p>If you decide to try again with your daughter, do it, and move forward slowly and carefully, protecting yourself with boundaries. If it goes south, well, you will have tried again.</p><p></p><p>We can't control what other people say or do, but we also don't have to react to any of it. We can determine what we are willing to do and to endure. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We understand here, the agony of loving an adult child who is off the rails. We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 695014, member: 17542"] Hi Heather, I have been following along here. I think you are so correct that nobody can understand the He__ we have been through here with our DCs, and the tremendous torment we all suffer through years and years of trying to figure out what to do, and making a mix of good and bad decisions in an impossible situation. I understand your sister can have the best of intentions and still not get it. At all. It's kind of like people at a funeral who, in their desire to comfort, say EXACTLY the wrong thing over and over again, causing us even more pain. A couple of points: Your sister doesn't get to decide what you do or the timing of doing it. Just because she is now raising this, right now, doesn't mean you need to do anything different, now or ever. You are the only one who can determine what you do. I know that, of course, you desire a relationship with your daughter. But you also have to trust your own experience here. Has anything changed with your daughter? If not, why now? On the other hand, it can be good to re-evaluate things from time to time and perhaps your sister's comments have stimulated that. That doesn't again, mean it's time for a change. If you decide to try again with your daughter, do it, and move forward slowly and carefully, protecting yourself with boundaries. If it goes south, well, you will have tried again. We can't control what other people say or do, but we also don't have to react to any of it. We can determine what we are willing to do and to endure. Hang in there. We understand here, the agony of loving an adult child who is off the rails. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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