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Takes two to fight.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 695018" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Over and over again I have been judged by others with respect to my child and with respect to who I am. Because I am in a profession that diagnoses people. I can be diagnosed, and I am. I had always believed my mother to be circumspect in the sense she seldom gossiped and did not lie. Ever. When she began to fail in her last illness, she would forget that she was talking to me, not my sister. And with respect to my son, my mother said: "She lets him run her." </p><p></p><p>Heather, you cannot change the disrespect and mistreatment by your daughter, towards you and your husband. You can only change yourself, if you choose. Perhaps this is to what your sister is referring. You call her kind and good-hearted. Maybe she wishes that you would let go of your sense of injury and injustice towards your daughter, knowing that such is one more barrier to reconciling. How does stoking those wounds help you or her. It may feel as if that anger protects you--the sense of injustice. Everybody has their own story and if each of us holds to it and insists upon seeing from our own point of view only there will be endless conflict and war. It would mean there would never be any chance for reconciliation or renewed trust, or trust between enemies where there never was before.</p><p></p><p>With your daughter, there was once only love, unity and peace. Can you not envision a time where both of you put down arms and embrace? She had her reasons--even if they are wrong ones. If you insist she give up 100 percent, how is it different that her imposing her own terms 100 percent.</p><p></p><p>Your hurt and anger are yours. But there is the choice to define our relationships by the thousands and thousands of things that bind us together. Or not. And then, recognize that the choice is yours, not hers. You are insisting, it seems, upon terms for her that she cannot accept. Right now. You cannot force her to accept your terms, no matter how right are yours. No matter how much you insist upon them, you cannot force her to accept your vision of things, unless she chooses. Maybe that is what your sister sees. That two wrongs will not make a right.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 695018, member: 18958"] Over and over again I have been judged by others with respect to my child and with respect to who I am. Because I am in a profession that diagnoses people. I can be diagnosed, and I am. I had always believed my mother to be circumspect in the sense she seldom gossiped and did not lie. Ever. When she began to fail in her last illness, she would forget that she was talking to me, not my sister. And with respect to my son, my mother said: "She lets him run her." Heather, you cannot change the disrespect and mistreatment by your daughter, towards you and your husband. You can only change yourself, if you choose. Perhaps this is to what your sister is referring. You call her kind and good-hearted. Maybe she wishes that you would let go of your sense of injury and injustice towards your daughter, knowing that such is one more barrier to reconciling. How does stoking those wounds help you or her. It may feel as if that anger protects you--the sense of injustice. Everybody has their own story and if each of us holds to it and insists upon seeing from our own point of view only there will be endless conflict and war. It would mean there would never be any chance for reconciliation or renewed trust, or trust between enemies where there never was before. With your daughter, there was once only love, unity and peace. Can you not envision a time where both of you put down arms and embrace? She had her reasons--even if they are wrong ones. If you insist she give up 100 percent, how is it different that her imposing her own terms 100 percent. Your hurt and anger are yours. But there is the choice to define our relationships by the thousands and thousands of things that bind us together. Or not. And then, recognize that the choice is yours, not hers. You are insisting, it seems, upon terms for her that she cannot accept. Right now. You cannot force her to accept your terms, no matter how right are yours. No matter how much you insist upon them, you cannot force her to accept your vision of things, unless she chooses. Maybe that is what your sister sees. That two wrongs will not make a right. [/QUOTE]
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