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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 695034" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I find it horrible and horrifying that a daughter would say such words to her mother who bore her--that she will punish her--by withholding the baby. I just hate the idea of it. Hate it.</p><p></p><p>But I do not hate her, because you do not. You love her.</p><p></p><p>My sister did this to my mother. It was years and years of agony. The way my mother learned to lessen the agony was to give up control. She took what she could get. Why? Because she had no choice. She wanted my sister and her children in her life. She accepted my sister's terms.</p><p></p><p>I feel enraged writing this, but for what? My sister ended up rejecting completely my mother as she died, would not speak to her or see her. And then my mother died, my sister blamed me for what she herself had done.</p><p></p><p>Wrong things, bad things happen all of the time. My SO is rejected by half of his kids because their mother told them that he abandoned them and never sent money which was completely opposite the truth. The wife took all of the money, investments, property, business and sold them--plus all of the money M sent to her and misused it.</p><p></p><p>For a while he felt hurt by the kids. And angry. And misused. And then he realized that who was being hurt was him--and the kids--that his role as a father was to humble himself. Not grovel. But forgive. And forgive. And forgive some more. Because he is the parent and the only one who is responsible to teach his children, besides their mother, if she indeed is taking this responsibility. And his kids are between 25 and 40. And he is trying to teach me this kind of responsibility. My son is 27.</p><p></p><p>I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I do not judge you. I hurt for you. I know you suffer because your heart is huge. It feels broken but your heart can mend. You can do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 695034, member: 18958"] I find it horrible and horrifying that a daughter would say such words to her mother who bore her--that she will punish her--by withholding the baby. I just hate the idea of it. Hate it. But I do not hate her, because you do not. You love her. My sister did this to my mother. It was years and years of agony. The way my mother learned to lessen the agony was to give up control. She took what she could get. Why? Because she had no choice. She wanted my sister and her children in her life. She accepted my sister's terms. I feel enraged writing this, but for what? My sister ended up rejecting completely my mother as she died, would not speak to her or see her. And then my mother died, my sister blamed me for what she herself had done. Wrong things, bad things happen all of the time. My SO is rejected by half of his kids because their mother told them that he abandoned them and never sent money which was completely opposite the truth. The wife took all of the money, investments, property, business and sold them--plus all of the money M sent to her and misused it. For a while he felt hurt by the kids. And angry. And misused. And then he realized that who was being hurt was him--and the kids--that his role as a father was to humble himself. Not grovel. But forgive. And forgive. And forgive some more. Because he is the parent and the only one who is responsible to teach his children, besides their mother, if she indeed is taking this responsibility. And his kids are between 25 and 40. And he is trying to teach me this kind of responsibility. My son is 27. I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I do not judge you. I hurt for you. I know you suffer because your heart is huge. It feels broken but your heart can mend. You can do this. [/QUOTE]
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