Talk me down...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Aug 15, 2010.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I just posted on my other thread that I feel guilty for being glad difficult child ran to DEX after she moved out of the motel. I said I didn't miss the drama, and I don't.

    But the truth is, I miss her.:sad-very:
    I just talked to her on the phone - called her to check in, and I am blindsided by my own reaction.

    When she said she texted DEX and told him she wanted to "go home", it hurt so much.

    I thought this was home.

    He left US. This was always her home. I was good to her and, frankly, we had a lot of fun.

    But now dad is "home". It's just way easier there for her to do what she wants. And I know he's her dad. I get that.

    I know with a difficult child we aren't dealing with normal stuff.

    I know all this and it still hurts.

  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    It stinks to be the Mom, that's for sure.

    You just be good to yourself....and allow yourself to feel sad about the situation....but please do not feel guilty - nor should you beat yourself up.

  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member


    Be grateful that she has opened her eyes to that situation. I am also wondering, if she feels at all threatened by internet dude, maybe she felt safer going to dad's. Internet dude may be less willing to follow her there to get her to come back?

    You did the right thing to not be involved - does that mean internet dude does not know where you live? That can be difficult child's safe haven if this guy decides he doesn't like her to leave and will try to harrass her to come back. Let her know that. Let her know you are so proud that she has seen what an icky life that would be and that you want to help her if internet guy or any other starts making life miserable. Put the bug in her ear that internet dude can not contact her at your home.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry I wasn't around yesterday to respond to this. I'm so sorry, I can imagine how much this hurt you. Try to focus on the fact she DID open her eyes to her situation, this is a real positive... she learned a lesson on her own, and it didn't even take too long to do so. That's pretty darn good, and is progress, in my book :) You've got nothing to feel guilty about there. It's a lesson she might not have learned as quickly, had you not detached yourself from the situation.. she might have felt like she had something to "prove" to you. otherwise.

    Hugs. I hope today is a better day for you.
  5. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thanks for your support. Wish I could say today's better. I went over to pick her up (we'd planned last week to see Eat, Pray, Love today) having pep-talked myself into a state of serene detachment. I arrived, DEX's house was unlocked and she was gone. She later left him a vm claiming her phone wasn't ringing and she was with T (the difficult child boyfriend that preceeded P, the internet dude).

    I'm more angry tnan anything right now. The panic I felt on entering that house at the appointed time and finding her gone is indescribable.

    DEX said he picked her up from work last night and P was waiting on his doorstep. She told P he couldn;t show up unannounced and the DEX lent her his car to drive him back to the motel. (I would have made him walk). She stopped at the ATM and then told DEX P had drained her checking acccount. Who knows if he did or she did, but DEX believed P was now out of the picture. You can only imagine how scared I was to think he might have come over and forced her to leave.

    Who knows if she's with T or P or whoever?

    The good news is - what I was crying about yesterday has turned out to be an advantage. DEX is going to have to deal with this latest incident. I do not plan to call her. She'll need to call me this time.

    Just another episode of "As the World CHURNS".