Talk of peer pregnancy - It's sooooo cool, mom
- Thread starter timer lady
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DDD
Well-Known Member
Having been a teen and then consistently raising both PCs and difficult children for 47 years, I agree biology works against us! Each of the generations gets started at an earlier age and statistics
show a shockingly small number graduate from high school in tact.
I know and accept all that. What I can't wrap my head around is
that sexual behaviors are rampant and proud virgins may have been
intimate with twenty or thirty guys while "saving themselves for
marriage". Good Grief! I can't understand how oral sex has become like a hug! DDD
show a shockingly small number graduate from high school in tact.
I know and accept all that. What I can't wrap my head around is
that sexual behaviors are rampant and proud virgins may have been
intimate with twenty or thirty guys while "saving themselves for
marriage". Good Grief! I can't understand how oral sex has become like a hug! DDD
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...I know and accept all that. What I can't wrap my head around isthat sexual behaviors are rampant and proud virgins may have been intimate with twenty or thirty guys while "saving themselves for marriage". Good Grief! I can't understand how oral sex has become like a hug!</div></div>
Speaking as the parent of a 13yo girl, I completely understand the concern. But also, I think that the "oral sex is like a hug" is a byproduct all the conflicting messages teens get. And - hear me out - may not be an entirely bad thing, either.
Personally, unless you live in an Homish community with no TV or other media, I think that girls become hypersexualized starting around 7 or 8. That hurts, because the boys that age are exposed to the same information as the girls, and start seeing girls as sexual objects much earlier as well.
Now, combine that with all of the info girls may get from parents, church, school, or other places about sex ed and birth control. Finally, add to the soup the raging hormones and you get quite a mixed up young person; one who only sees sexualized representations of her age group in every media outlet available, probably has friends (both male and female) who overtly or implicitly expect her to conform to that image, yet is conflicted by an effective information campaign about the bad things that happen when teens have sex.
What do they do? Quick answer - they do what teens (and water) do best: find the path of least resistance. Oral sex allows these poor young girls to "act" in the role they feel compelled to play, yet also comply with the social/parental/church stigma against "sex" and it's consequences. Sex has been equated with pregnancy and STD's; therefore, anything that can't cause preganancy or STD is not "sex" (not exactly true, but they don't know that yet).
In short, it's a compromise, one they can learn to endure, and one that doesn't ask them to completey choose one side (promiscuity and popularity) over the other (abstinence and being left behind).
I know that those aren't the only two options young girls have but often they're the only two options these girls can see. I also know that there are places where young girls can be abstinent and not be ostracized. But those places are few and far between.
And, back to my comment about it not being all bad, the only reason I say that is because I think that the message about underage sex is finally starting to get through. But kids are kids, and will try anything they can to get around a boundary. I wouldn't want my daughter to act in such a manner, but then again, if she did at least she got part of the message.
In the last year, I've learned you have to take hope where you can find it.
Again, just my two pennies.
Mikey
Speaking as the parent of a 13yo girl, I completely understand the concern. But also, I think that the "oral sex is like a hug" is a byproduct all the conflicting messages teens get. And - hear me out - may not be an entirely bad thing, either.
Personally, unless you live in an Homish community with no TV or other media, I think that girls become hypersexualized starting around 7 or 8. That hurts, because the boys that age are exposed to the same information as the girls, and start seeing girls as sexual objects much earlier as well.
Now, combine that with all of the info girls may get from parents, church, school, or other places about sex ed and birth control. Finally, add to the soup the raging hormones and you get quite a mixed up young person; one who only sees sexualized representations of her age group in every media outlet available, probably has friends (both male and female) who overtly or implicitly expect her to conform to that image, yet is conflicted by an effective information campaign about the bad things that happen when teens have sex.
What do they do? Quick answer - they do what teens (and water) do best: find the path of least resistance. Oral sex allows these poor young girls to "act" in the role they feel compelled to play, yet also comply with the social/parental/church stigma against "sex" and it's consequences. Sex has been equated with pregnancy and STD's; therefore, anything that can't cause preganancy or STD is not "sex" (not exactly true, but they don't know that yet).
In short, it's a compromise, one they can learn to endure, and one that doesn't ask them to completey choose one side (promiscuity and popularity) over the other (abstinence and being left behind).
I know that those aren't the only two options young girls have but often they're the only two options these girls can see. I also know that there are places where young girls can be abstinent and not be ostracized. But those places are few and far between.
And, back to my comment about it not being all bad, the only reason I say that is because I think that the message about underage sex is finally starting to get through. But kids are kids, and will try anything they can to get around a boundary. I wouldn't want my daughter to act in such a manner, but then again, if she did at least she got part of the message.
In the last year, I've learned you have to take hope where you can find it.
Again, just my two pennies.
Mikey
DDD
Well-Known Member
:smile: Did you guys know that the current expression for
that activity is "giving brain"????
:slap: These girls need a slap on their "head"!
I understand your post and think you're probably right BUT.....maybe we need to start advertising self-pleasuring to impact society! :hypnosis: DDD
that activity is "giving brain"????
:slap: These girls need a slap on their "head"!
I understand your post and think you're probably right BUT.....maybe we need to start advertising self-pleasuring to impact society! :hypnosis: DDD
totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
Linda-
I was thinking about this topic today and about my inability to take progesterone. It made me depressed and manic. Little did I know back when I was taking it that it could induce these things if there might be a possibility of a mood disorder! I would tell my doctor everytime and we would change pills or try taking a break, I even had Norplant and that was horrible... they had to go in and rip it out of my arm, but no one ever thought of the possibility of depression or BiPolar (BP). I finally figured out I could not take hormones!!! They put me on the Minipill when I was 13 to help with cramps and was on and off some form of BC until my early 20's and it was horrible!!!
Anyway my point is I was looking through the Bipolar Child and they really caution against, Depo-Provera, because progesterone is known to cause depression or exacerbate a mood disorder. And if it does so, it is present in the bloodstream for at least ninety days.
The minipill- oral progesterone- may be a better option because it can be stopped if it becomes apparent that the progesterone in it is adversely affecting the mood disorder. Mood Stabilizers,Tegratol,Triliptal,Lamictal can also interfere with the contraceptive ability of birth control pills. At least you can be aware of what to look for if you decide to go this route!
Anyway I wasn't sure if you knew about this wonderful bonus!!! They suggest of course condoms,diaphragm,spermacide etc... but realize that is pretty unrealistic for most young BiPolar (BP) girls.
Good luck
I was thinking about this topic today and about my inability to take progesterone. It made me depressed and manic. Little did I know back when I was taking it that it could induce these things if there might be a possibility of a mood disorder! I would tell my doctor everytime and we would change pills or try taking a break, I even had Norplant and that was horrible... they had to go in and rip it out of my arm, but no one ever thought of the possibility of depression or BiPolar (BP). I finally figured out I could not take hormones!!! They put me on the Minipill when I was 13 to help with cramps and was on and off some form of BC until my early 20's and it was horrible!!!
Anyway my point is I was looking through the Bipolar Child and they really caution against, Depo-Provera, because progesterone is known to cause depression or exacerbate a mood disorder. And if it does so, it is present in the bloodstream for at least ninety days.
The minipill- oral progesterone- may be a better option because it can be stopped if it becomes apparent that the progesterone in it is adversely affecting the mood disorder. Mood Stabilizers,Tegratol,Triliptal,Lamictal can also interfere with the contraceptive ability of birth control pills. At least you can be aware of what to look for if you decide to go this route!
Anyway I wasn't sure if you knew about this wonderful bonus!!! They suggest of course condoms,diaphragm,spermacide etc... but realize that is pretty unrealistic for most young BiPolar (BP) girls.
Good luck
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Ok...DDD and Mikey have just sent me running toward Keyanas crib and I am booking her into a convent pronto!
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
totoro,
As an epileptic, I'm pretty aware the effects of anti epileptics / mood stabilizers have on birth control. I've also researched this & would be choosing the pill over a shot. As long as kt is medication compliant, that's the route that is planned.
Mikey & triple D, my eyes are wide opened. I'm aware of the current "attitude" on safe sex & such. kt's fragility & vulnerability; her lack of sense of self & looking for love from anyone & everyone is frightening at best.
Thank you for all the insightful & well thought out responses. It will prove to be a challenge over the next years for little ktbug.
As an epileptic, I'm pretty aware the effects of anti epileptics / mood stabilizers have on birth control. I've also researched this & would be choosing the pill over a shot. As long as kt is medication compliant, that's the route that is planned.
Mikey & triple D, my eyes are wide opened. I'm aware of the current "attitude" on safe sex & such. kt's fragility & vulnerability; her lack of sense of self & looking for love from anyone & everyone is frightening at best.
Thank you for all the insightful & well thought out responses. It will prove to be a challenge over the next years for little ktbug.
Sheila
Moderator
Geez....
Unfortunately kt isn't alone in her "wants." difficult child's middle school is 7th and 8th grades. I was talking to difficult child's principal last week and she said, "you'd be surprised how many of our 14 yr olds are pregnant." :faint:
Then, I was talking to difficult child's day care director and mentioned this, and she say, "Yes, I know. Three of the babies are here." :faint:
Sure hope a male birth controll pill is put on the market soonest!
Unfortunately kt isn't alone in her "wants." difficult child's middle school is 7th and 8th grades. I was talking to difficult child's principal last week and she said, "you'd be surprised how many of our 14 yr olds are pregnant." :faint:
Then, I was talking to difficult child's day care director and mentioned this, and she say, "Yes, I know. Three of the babies are here." :faint:
Sure hope a male birth controll pill is put on the market soonest!
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
Sheila,
kt was speaking again of "getting pregnant" & how she's ready for a baby last night. I told her that she is 12 going on 13 - still has a great deal of learning & growing up to do. Mentioned bio mom & how young she was; that it didn't work for her.
kt wrote a story last night on how wonderful a new baby would be & if I can't give her a baby sister, she would create her own baby.
Arghhh! I'm done discussing this except in the most clinical of terms. therapist & pediatrician will be taking this "fixation" on.
I know young girls think babies are a very "cool" thing - it's a scary mentality.
kt was speaking again of "getting pregnant" & how she's ready for a baby last night. I told her that she is 12 going on 13 - still has a great deal of learning & growing up to do. Mentioned bio mom & how young she was; that it didn't work for her.
kt wrote a story last night on how wonderful a new baby would be & if I can't give her a baby sister, she would create her own baby.
Arghhh! I'm done discussing this except in the most clinical of terms. therapist & pediatrician will be taking this "fixation" on.
I know young girls think babies are a very "cool" thing - it's a scary mentality.
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Hmmmmm. Linda, maybe I can give you a bit of hope here.
I also came from an abusive background. (not as profound as kt) And all I ever wanted to do was to be a mother asap. I fantacized about getting pregnant as early as 12. If my Mom had actually been paying attention, it should have scared the life out of her.
Luckily my aunt and grandma were paying attention. I didn't get lectured from either. They just creatively found ways to help me see that I needed to be "grown up" before bringing a baby into the world.I recall aunt and grandma praising me for wanting to be a good mother, but they would always add in the practical responsibilities to that role such as financial stability, good home, dependable job, ect. And my older sis stepped in and had me watching neices and nephews with her from birth on up. The sitting for neices and nephews helped curb the baby craving and gave me needed experience for future use.
I wanted a baby to feel that unconditional love between mother and child I didn't get myself. I craved it. I also had a profound need to Prove I could be the loving devoted parent my own mother wasn't. (I didn't "share" the sins of my mother)
My maternal instinct was in super overdrive.
I made it to 18 still a virgin. This is because I didn't want to have sex til I was able to actually Be that responsible, loving parent. I was afraid I'd get pregnant before I was prepared. At 19 I met husband, we married, and I gave birth to easy child 11 months later.
So maybe with some patient positive feedback and guidance kt can be shown that being a good parent also includes practical responsibility as well as being willing to give love and affection.
Once my girls were teens I began to appreciate how much I must have terrified my aunt and grandma.
Perhaps kt could "help out" at the church nursery or something along those lines?
I also came from an abusive background. (not as profound as kt) And all I ever wanted to do was to be a mother asap. I fantacized about getting pregnant as early as 12. If my Mom had actually been paying attention, it should have scared the life out of her.
Luckily my aunt and grandma were paying attention. I didn't get lectured from either. They just creatively found ways to help me see that I needed to be "grown up" before bringing a baby into the world.I recall aunt and grandma praising me for wanting to be a good mother, but they would always add in the practical responsibilities to that role such as financial stability, good home, dependable job, ect. And my older sis stepped in and had me watching neices and nephews with her from birth on up. The sitting for neices and nephews helped curb the baby craving and gave me needed experience for future use.
I wanted a baby to feel that unconditional love between mother and child I didn't get myself. I craved it. I also had a profound need to Prove I could be the loving devoted parent my own mother wasn't. (I didn't "share" the sins of my mother)
My maternal instinct was in super overdrive.
I made it to 18 still a virgin. This is because I didn't want to have sex til I was able to actually Be that responsible, loving parent. I was afraid I'd get pregnant before I was prepared. At 19 I met husband, we married, and I gave birth to easy child 11 months later.
So maybe with some patient positive feedback and guidance kt can be shown that being a good parent also includes practical responsibility as well as being willing to give love and affection.
Once my girls were teens I began to appreciate how much I must have terrified my aunt and grandma.
Perhaps kt could "help out" at the church nursery or something along those lines?
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
Is it possible that kt isn't looking for a baby for the reasons she says she is? I had a friend with a 13yo son who wanted to get his girlfriend pregnant. Why? Because he wanted to be a daddy.....
Luckily, that didn't happen. What my friend found with his son was that his son wasn't "craving" a child because he wanted to be a parent, but he wanted the unconditional love and devotion he thought a child would provide him. IOW, he was trying to provide a locked-in source of love and devotion for himself that he didn't feel he was getting from his family.
Family therapy helped, and last I heard the son was off the "daddy" kick.
Just a thought...
Mikey
Luckily, that didn't happen. What my friend found with his son was that his son wasn't "craving" a child because he wanted to be a parent, but he wanted the unconditional love and devotion he thought a child would provide him. IOW, he was trying to provide a locked-in source of love and devotion for himself that he didn't feel he was getting from his family.
Family therapy helped, and last I heard the son was off the "daddy" kick.
Just a thought...
Mikey
rejectedmom
New Member
Linda, I have not read through the replies here but I wonder if you could talk to her therapist about the possibility of showing her a childbirth movie? Preferably one in which a young teen has to suffer through the ordeal and the aftermath of being a single mom wh looses her youth to the pressures of being a mother. It might be enough to take the fantasy away. I know Kt is delicate emotionally so that is why I suggest talking with her psychiatrist before doing anything.
sometimes reality is the only way fantasys can be brought back into perspective. My youngest bio mom when I was a foster mother was 16 and BMR. Initially she wanted to keeep the baby but then realized what that would mean.She was in labor for 16 hours and the child had a head shaped like a torpedeo when she was finally delivered. it was enough for this young mother to have her tubes tied. she knew she couldn't take care of a child and she knew she was not going to go without sex. She made a good choice but I really do think her ordeal was what cemented it for her. -RM
sometimes reality is the only way fantasys can be brought back into perspective. My youngest bio mom when I was a foster mother was 16 and BMR. Initially she wanted to keeep the baby but then realized what that would mean.She was in labor for 16 hours and the child had a head shaped like a torpedeo when she was finally delivered. it was enough for this young mother to have her tubes tied. she knew she couldn't take care of a child and she knew she was not going to go without sex. She made a good choice but I really do think her ordeal was what cemented it for her. -RM
totoro
Mom? What's a difficult child?
OK this topic makes me want to get my tubes tied!!! When I thought about my inability to take BC it freaked me out thinking about my G'sfg!!! What do you do if they can not take BC and are indeed having sex???
I want to put them on lockdown with chastity belts!!!
I know all Moms go through this but it is too scary to thinkg about with a difficult child!!!
I want to put them on lockdown with chastity belts!!!
I know all Moms go through this but it is too scary to thinkg about with a difficult child!!!
Just keep swimming
New Member
Linda,
YIKES!!!! Scary situation here, to be sure!!!
I am going to take a little different angle on this. And, this might be totally naive, but hey, it might be worth a try.
Do you know anyone who has young children, or a baby? Could kt be a "mother's helper" so that she could get the chance to be around a baby, have fun with it, but also get a huge dose of reality as most babies are alot of work! Just a thought.
I was (actually still am :smile: ) very "into" babies as young as 10 years old. I was the neighborhood babysitter by 12 yo and loved it, but also saw how hard it was to take care of them by myself.
Who knows, maybe a little dose of "reality" might just make her see how fun it can be to "play" with other's babies and not fixate on feeling like she wants her own. Aly loves babies, and they her. But she does get tired of them being around after a while. So I am praying like crazy that she will remember that as she matures!!
Hugs to you and kt!
Vickie
YIKES!!!! Scary situation here, to be sure!!!
I am going to take a little different angle on this. And, this might be totally naive, but hey, it might be worth a try.
Do you know anyone who has young children, or a baby? Could kt be a "mother's helper" so that she could get the chance to be around a baby, have fun with it, but also get a huge dose of reality as most babies are alot of work! Just a thought.
I was (actually still am :smile: ) very "into" babies as young as 10 years old. I was the neighborhood babysitter by 12 yo and loved it, but also saw how hard it was to take care of them by myself.
Who knows, maybe a little dose of "reality" might just make her see how fun it can be to "play" with other's babies and not fixate on feeling like she wants her own. Aly loves babies, and they her. But she does get tired of them being around after a while. So I am praying like crazy that she will remember that as she matures!!
Hugs to you and kt!
Vickie
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
Vickie,
We are debating signing kt up for babysitting classes this summer. It may feed into her obsession or it may teach her the difficulties of being a parent.
I've had to turn my back - kt is practicing breast feeding her babies up in her room. Sans top or bra. Didn't freak just asked her to keep this in the privacy of her room.
While I might find this somewhat cute in other circumstances with kt it's disconcerting at the very least.
We are debating signing kt up for babysitting classes this summer. It may feed into her obsession or it may teach her the difficulties of being a parent.
I've had to turn my back - kt is practicing breast feeding her babies up in her room. Sans top or bra. Didn't freak just asked her to keep this in the privacy of her room.
While I might find this somewhat cute in other circumstances with kt it's disconcerting at the very least.
