Last night, I had to work. Things have been crazy at work the past 3 weeks, and I've had to work a lot of extra evenings and weekends to get a project done on time. We got that project done, and I thought I now had 2 weeks to author a document for my next project. I found out yesterday that the person who publishes the documents is leaving Thursday and won't be back for 2 weeks. My document has to be published before she gets back, and I don't have access to the tool to publish it, so I had to either have it done today so she can publish it before she leaves, or figure out the tool and how to publish it to the entire company. So, I marathon wrote last night. *** After work last night, husband went to "the farm" to set out deer bait and a game camera. Then he came home and fished til 830. Then he watched tv til midnight, started a load of his clothes in the washer, and went to bed. Monday night was wrestling from 6:30 on. I already posted about Sunday. *** I got to bed about 12:45. He was still up and wanted *something* from me. I said no. This is not how I normally operate, but not until he seriously discusses with me the problems we have. He said he's trying. I said "tell me what has changed; give me examples from the past week". After a long delay he said he did the dishes (that was last Wed), cooked supper (Sat night, he cooked the steaks on the grill - I made all the side dishes and dessert and did the dishes - he was in bed by 11:00, I got to bed by 1:00), put iodine on the rain rot pony (don't know when), did laundry (I stopped working last night long enough to do 3 things - one was wash Wee's clothes and left the dumped hamper on the bathroom floor. At midnight, he took his clothes out of the pile and put them in the washer. I also fixed Wee a sandwich at 8:30, and I cooked myself a grilled cheese (I also loaded the dishwasher while waiting on the grilled cheese to cook - when I got to the plate husband had put on the counter from his own supper, which was the last dish, he said "I'll get that" - but i digress)), took the trash out (he changed the bag in the trash can and left the full bag laying on the floor beside the can - but he did change the bag last Fri), caulked the cable box on the camper, finished the roof (that was more than a week ago), and plowed the garden. *** (FWIW, the camper and the pony should have never needed to be done if they'd been cared for properly to begin with - the garden? I'm not putting in a garden this year. Already told him that, I can't/won't do that.) *** Then he asked what I thought and I asked him if he were in my shoes, knowing what my concerns are, would he be happy with it? After a really long delay, he said no. I said "what do you want from me, to work like a dog and give it up on command too?" He said no. Then I said "well thats what I do, and you agree, and I've talked til I'm blue and nothing's changed. Do you really expect me to keep this up? Because I can't anymore and I'm done trying and I've said that". He said no. Then I said "well what's going to change?" He said he's trying. *** I told him when I was in danger of losing my job, I busted my ass and I kept a tally of what I did to say "see? this is everything I do! I add value to your business!" I told him his tally is not exactly butt-busting. He, again, said he's trying. Then I asked him, when he had had his appendix out, and when he had surgery to remove a lymph node, did I pick up his share of the load for the duration? Did he ever have to lift a finger or worry about "his" chores getting done? He said no, not at all. I said "did I have your back?" He said yes. *** I said "when I had sinus surgery, mono, or even this accident, did you have mine?" After some delay, he sad he did do some things but no, not really. Then I told him I feel very disrespected and used and that is something I have told him before. He muttered he didn't know why I felt that way, I shouldn't. So I asked him to explain to me why I shouldn't feel that way (this is all very calm. Emotion, but no yelling) he said he always try to respect me and he does stuff for me, all that stuff he just told me, but it's not enough. *** I said "really, you respect me?" He said an earnest yes. I said "sitting in a chair watching tv while your spouse kicks a laundry basket across the floor with her good foot while using crutches with a broken leg she can't even put on the floor and screwed together wrist that can't lift a crutch in order to get some laundry done so her son doesn't have to go places smelling like **** is about as disrespectful as it gets in my opinion." *** After some time, he quietly agreed. *** Then another 5-7min passed and he got huffy and rolled over to look me in the face and said, very sternly, "but what about this? Sometimes I asked to help you and you said "no, I got it". When you got that rolling stool". I said "yes, there were things I could do for myself then and I'm not looking for charity. But really, I didn't get that stool until almost 6 weeks after, when I was trying to figure out how to get more things done because they weren't getting done, and in the scheme of things, how often did that really happen? Really?" *** He never answered. I waited about half an hour and said I guess the conversation is over again, good night. He just said "night".