Talking to my son is like fingernails on a chalkboard!!!

[Tanya M]

My son called hubby and I last night. I'm glad to hear from him but it's so hard to listen to him.

He monopolizes the conversation and talks so fast it's hard to follow him. He was telling us about how he made a didgeridoo for one of his housemates. He was rambling on about how he read a study in some UK medical journal and how playing this instrument will stop sleep apnea so he made one for this guy. He went on to tell us how having sleep apnea, you "die" several times a night. My husband had bad sleep apnea when he was still smoking cigarettes. We had a sleep study done and were told that you stop breathing many times during the night. I knew better than to try and correct my son on this fact. I know him so well and his arrogance will not allow him to be corrected on anything!!
Not long into the "conversation" he dropped 4 F bombs. This may not bother some people but I do not use that kind of language and do not want to hear it from my son. My husband interrupted him and told him he needed to watch his language. My son asked why and my husband told him that he had dropped 4 F bombs. My son said "I wasn't aware" my husband then said, go on with your story to which my son replied in a sarcastic tone "it's not important, I just wanted to call and say hi" then he said goodbye and hung up.

I really struggle to listen to him. He always rambles and talks fast. He always has that arrogance in his voice and tries to come across like he's an authority on whatever he's talking about. I know from past experience that if you challenge him on what he's saying he will become angry, defensive and argumentative.
I do my best to just let him ramble and get through it. I really don't have much to say to him. I never give much detail about what is going on in my life. I try to be cheerful in my voice and tell him I love him.

UGH!!!!! Why does it have to be so difficult. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Smithmom]

Hear you.

 

[BusynMember]

My son cusses a lot too, the oldest one. I dont. But as long as he doesnt direct it at me, I deal with it and it doesnt really bother me. I think its disrespectful but I dont think he looks at it that way.

 

[RN0441]

Yikes. That sounds tough.

He is old enough to know better and not talk to his mother like she's a guy at a bar or (insert whatever here)! He should be showing you respect. Period.

I think your husband handled it beautifully.

What is a didgeridoo?

 

[Elsi]

Tanya, I’ve been there, and I know exactly what you mean. I’ve given up on monitoring profanity from S and C. I don’t think they are even aware they do it, and I’ve got bigger fish to fry. Sometimes they catch themselves and apologize. I do draw the line at profanity or hostile language directed AT me. That I will cut the conversation for. But sadly I’ve learned to just overlook the daily vulgarity. It’s where they are right now, and reflects the life they’ve chosen to live. I’ve come to think of it as just a slightly different dialect I don’t happen to speak. And I’ve given up thinking that they are aiming for jobs or lives where their language will hold them back. Sigh.

I know what you mean when it comes to dreading calls and conversations, though, and the know it all attitude that emerges. I just say mmmhmm that’s interesting and move on. I’m picking my battles, and doing what I need to do to maintain the connection. It can really wear on a person, though! I get it!

 

[Nature]

I have no words to comfort you but I can relate to your post. I suspect many of us can. My son was like that when he had taken Meth....I couldn't keep up with his conversations which were rambled messes and he too had a sense of importance. Yes, it was like nails on a chalkboard. I feel for you.

You can only continue to tell him you love him and perhaps in his quiet moments he will hear your words.

Hugs to you

 

[Tanya M]

Thanks for the replies. It means so much to me to have you all here for support.

I think part of this for me is I have gone so long without having to have an actual conversation with him that I grew comfortable in it. I will be honest, I enjoyed the "quiet' of it.

But sadly I’ve learned to just overlook the daily vulgarity. It’s where they are right now, and reflects the life they’ve chosen to live. I’ve come to think of it as just a slightly different dialect I don’t happen to speak.

Thanks Elsi. I understand what you are saying. I'm just not sure I can overlook it but I will try. It's just really sad. I hate that he uses that kind of language.

What is a didgeridoo?

It's an Australian instrument that makes a really strange sound.
My son taught himself how to play the guitar. He really is quite smart and talented. Now he has added this instrument to his talents. He thinks it's very spiritual.

 

[newstart]

My son called hubby and I last night. I'm glad to hear from him but it's so hard to listen to him.

He monopolizes the conversation and talks so fast it's hard to follow him. He was telling us about how he made a didgeridoo for one of his housemates. He was rambling on about how he read a study in some UK medical journal and how playing this instrument will stop sleep apnea so he made one for this guy. He went on to tell us how having sleep apnea, you "die" several times a night. My husband had bad sleep apnea when he was still smoking cigarettes. We had a sleep study done and were told that you stop breathing many times during the night. I knew better than to try and correct my son on this fact. I know him so well and his arrogance will not allow him to be corrected on anything!!
Not long into the "conversation" he dropped 4 F bombs. This may not bother some people but I do not use that kind of language and do not want to hear it from my son. My husband interrupted him and told him he needed to watch his language. My son asked why and my husband told him that he had dropped 4 F bombs. My son said "I wasn't aware" my husband then said, go on with your story to which my son replied in a sarcastic tone "it's not important, I just wanted to call and say hi" then he said goodbye and hung up.

I really struggle to listen to him. He always rambles and talks fast. He always has that arrogance in his voice and tries to come across like he's an authority on whatever he's talking about. I know from past experience that if you challenge him on what he's saying he will become angry, defensive and argumentative.
I do my best to just let him ramble and get through it. I really don't have much to say to him. I never give much detail about what is going on in my life. I try to be cheerful in my voice and tell him I love him.

UGH!!!!! Why does it have to be so difficult. Thanks for letting me vent.

Tanya, I have been there many times, the situation you just mentioned, I feel and hear everything you said. When it gets like that with my daughter I tell her I can only text with her. That way I do not hear a bunch of rambling nonsense and I do not have to feel all the weird emotions that go with that, also there is not much room on the text to ramble on hate messages.. Years ago when Facebook let you know when someone logged on, I would check that just to make sure she was still alive without having to put up with her abuse. They changed that feature.

 

[UKMummy]

Oh I so relate. My son does the same. I took him to the dentist last week and among other things says, if that f bus doesn't f move in the next f 3 seconds I'm going to punch him in the f face !!! I sat quietly thinking 'why is this my life'. But I have decided that if he asked again I am going to remind him of that journey and tell him I won't tolerate it again. Why would he think it's ok ?
He also talks at me with arrogance. You can't disagree with him. He would take huge offence. But I worry that if I don't challenge it, he'll think he's right. And believe me, he rarely is !!!!
We have to keep pushing through. Maintaining strict boundaries and protecting ourselves. I enjoy wonderful conversation with my other 2 children and I am soooo grateful for that. Conversations with my Difficult Child are always hard and upsetting. I'm currently trying to limit contact. Not be so available.
Know that you are not alone. Thinking of you and sending love.