I seriously get so upset at the injustices that happen to Matthew. I mean blood boiling, I am gonna knock someone out angry. When the program he is in does something stupid, unprofessional, or unethical I want to unleash holy fury on them. For the most part this program is amazing, and it is turning his life around - so I should be thankful. A billion times over thankful. However this last 2 weeks some unbelievably stupid stuff has been going on. I will not bore you with the details - but it has been 2 hours now since I found out about something that happened to Matt that was inappropriate ~ and I still cannot think straight. If that counselor that did this was here, in front of me, I would start screaming and cussing him out (no joke - embarrassing but true). Right now I am so mad, I just cry, because I can't think of anything else to do. I know this innate fight response is a residual of being a warrior mom all of these years. Fighting for him and his rights for 18 years - has lead me to be hard wired. Yet, at this juncture in my life - I want to be soft wired. I do not want the surge of adrenaline that comes when I hear my kid is not being treated appropriately - because there is no where for that adrenaline to go anymore. I cannot channel it to change anything. He is 18 and in the best program in the US I could find - so it isn't going to get any better. I have to like it or lump it. Yet - all my rational thinking does not prevent the fur on the back of my neck from raising, my snout from curling, and my haunches from wanting to attack.