Tammy Lovemysons, how are you?

[lovemysons]

Susie,

Thank you for your reply. You understand the situation SO well. It's amazing to me how much you remember! But of course, you've met my family live/in person and saw the different personalities in action!

I haven't heard from young difficult child since last week...I did talk to daughter in law yesterday and she found that young difficult child had been on their computer corresponding with other women. She was very upset and I tried to comfort her. I asked her "How many more yrs are you going to keep you and the kids "STUCK" in this relationship...on this rollercoaster that goes around and round but never actually gets you anywhere?" She cried. She will be 28 in November...she is not getting any younger and has put her own life on hold for so so long now while being dependent on young difficult child.

My understanding is that Young difficult child is in Houston now on a job...supposed to be away for the next 12 days. One of the last things he asked me last week was if I was going to STILL disown him if he gave daughter in law and her mother 1/2 of his paycheck...of course he did not give them as much as he stated. He doesn't get it though...I am done. I told him, "Don't ever ask me for another thing...EVER!"

I am trying to get off the rollercoaster with them. I am tired, ya know. I will be 48 this December. husband and I still have dreams and goals. Speaking of husband...he did apologise to me. I think it's just that he has gone through this drudgery for yrs and yrs and yrs and he does it without complaint. He wants me to "stay optomistic and keep moving forward."
I try very hard to keep my days as peaceful as possible. I don't want to slip into psychosis ever again. The last time was almost 8 yrs ago and of course at that time Oldest difficult child was in prison for theft while on Meth. Thank goodness oldest difficult child is a hardworking responsible father and husband today. I guess I have to remember that we never know how things are going to shake out. They are not done. Though with young difficult child approaching 26 yrs old in February, I feel like I have done all I can do for him.

You're right...easy child does deserve our help. I was just angry and feeling so worn out as a parent. I know she will learn from this.

Someday I hope husband and I are sitting in a hot tub again up in the mountains of Colorado, laughing, care-free...and finally finished with all the hard parenting work. Finally enjoying "The good life"...a normal one.

Hugs,
LMS

 

[DammitJanet]

yeah she did make a boo boo didnt she? I wouldnt worry too awful much about the adderal since she does have a script for them however I would have a LONG talk with her about carrying them without them being in the bottle. (Im one to talk...I just take my weekly pill box with me when we go to Jamie's because I refuse to carry my entire arsenal of pill bottles anywhere!)

I dont know what your laws are like in TX about pot. Here anything under an oz is considered personal use and the person is just issued a ticket. I dont know what they would do with 2 oz if the person claimed it was for personal use. Havent had to experience that one.

I edited this to add...oddly enough yesterday in my car accident no one blinked an eye when I told him that I was disabled due to a chronic pain condition and took extended release narcotics at night for it. I didnt have to go get a blood test or anything to see if I was under the influence. It didnt occur to me not to tell because the ambulance was talking about giving me pain medication and I new I couldnt take it.

 

[lovemysons]

Janet,
I'm SO glad you are okay! Does sound like that was a very scary accident.

I went to counceling yesterday and my councelor told me that husband and I have to use the word NO with our children. And that this will either make things better...or worse. But that if husband and I are to ever reach our dreams/goals again we absolutely have to let our children own their adult choices.

The only time I began to cry in counceling yesterday was for husband. He has put up with this crap for soooooo long now and his feet hurt and his knee hurts and his back hurts etc. I wonder sometimes how many yrs we have left...and how long before we are completely disengaged from our children's choices.

I am feeling okay today. We have GOT to look for a rental home soon so that husband and I have a place to live in 7 weeks, lol.

One other thing...I'm beginning to really despise police. I know it's not their faults that oldest stole from husband's company while on meth, that young difficult child spit on police, that easy child had marijuana on her while driving...but still. I wish they would just go after the bad guys! I think about all the things that I got away with as a teenager (granted my children are no longer teenagers).
Zero tolerance has just put law enforcement into "over-achieving mode in my opinion. I think about all the police interaction when the boys were teens...sometimes over stupid stuff like oldest difficult child pulling out a butter knife and threatening young difficult child. That cost us $1000 lawyer fee as they charged him with aggravated assault. Gratefully that charge (between brothers being stupid) was dropped. But still.
I know I shouldn't dislike police now...and I am a very law-abiding citizen and have nothing personally to worry about but they just seem to have their radar up big time on my kids!

I do seem to vascilate between who and what to blame sometimes. It does me no good. Uhg...can the "crazy's" just stop! I'm so tired of it all.

LMS

 

[DammitJanet]

I watch COPS on TV sometimes when nothing else I like is on. I cant believe it has been on so long! That was one of the first song's Cory learned to sing. Should have been a hint huh...lol. "bah boy bah boy washa gonna do ven day come fo you!"

Most of the time on that show they are pulling people over for dumb junk. License plate light out...pull them over. Who checks that? And just how does one know someone has been taking drugs by just looking at them? I understand you can smell booze. You can smell pot. You cant smell cocaine or meth. You cant smell pills.

Obviously its not something that is absolutely recognizable because no one has looked at me and said...omg...you take drugs!

However this thing that happened to your daughter with the adderal has made me rethink how I carry my medications when I go out of town. I refuse to take all my pill bottles with me just in case something happened and I lost them. I will save up the printouts I get from the pharmacy when I get the filled and put them in my purse. If the cops have to identify all 9 of them they will most likely get tired...lol.

 

[lovemysons]

Janet,
That's a really good idea! You just never know do you.
I wish my kids would have listened to me yrs ago when I told them..."Police carry guns...they also carry a badge and will be the first to be believed if it is between you and them."

I honestly did not know that spitting on police (young difficult child's record) was a Felony offense until it happend.
Always better to be safe than sorry now huh.

I am trying to calm down about it all. My problem is that what happens to my children...happens to me! Isn't that the way so many of us feel. I am trying not to own this...but. But I feel like I have to REALLY get through to easy child about this. She keeps telling me that I am repeating myself and treating her like a child. Well for goodness sake then...ACT LIKE A GROWNUP!

I can hardly sleep with all that is going on right now.
easy child moves out next weekend. Still no renter's insurance, change of address in, movers scheduled, etc. NOT READY.
Then husband and I have to find a new place to live and move out of the Apt we're in by October 27th.
I looked at a place today and filled out all the necessary paperwork etc. Hopefully will meet with realtor tomorrow and turn it all in with App fee.

So much to do...so little time.
OH and easy child still hasn't called the lawyer yet...We are already getting Law Firm solicitations in the mail!

Anyway, as husband says "Most of this will be over with by October 27th. But there is so much to do between now and then.
This train is moving...and I don't feel ready for it all!

So anxious!
LMS

 

[DammitJanet]

Yes, I feel that way too...what happens to them happens to me. I always thought I was so alone in that.

I had to laugh at the renter's insurance...I would have never thought about that! I was doing good to just find a place to live.