Hi. Been there, done that. Raising 3 granddaughters. difficult child 2 was a spitfire for over 6 years - got her just as she was turning 4. She threw tantrums at home that left us so totally drained. I seriously considered leaving several times. She never displayed her tantrum side at school and the teachers acted as if I made it all up. She was constantly covered with bruises from her throwing herself onto the tile floor, banging her head into the wall, pulling her hair out in clumps. Last year, pulled her long hair out in such large clumps, I had to have it cut into a pixie cut. Threw fits only a couple times getting on the bus in kindergarten. Had to physically carry her off the bus almost as soon as she got on.
She had one screaming fit so bad she burst a blood vessel in her forhead by her eye. She told her kindergarten teacher I threw a bucket at her and they in turn called Child Protective Services on me. We were raising 7 grandkids at the time. The CPS lady that came to our home questioned each one of the kids to see if I was beating or mistreating any of them. She finally decided that difficult child 2 was just making up stories to cover up her tantrums. (I could have gone to jail over this)
At 6 she started a tantrum in the HomeDepot hardware store that was major. I took her outside to calm down. She would calm for a few minutes, then realized she had an audience and rage all over again. I couldn't control her running into the parking lot, so I put her in the baby seat of the shopping cart. She started kicking me so I took her shoes off, then she banged her stockinged feet into the cart and left bruises all over her heels.
One customer told the manager that I was beating her so the manager came out to investigate. After some time he went back into the store, not looking convinced at all. Finally, she calmed enough I could take her back into the store (maybe an hour later) and met up with husband and other difficult children. Of course, new audience, she started up again.
He took her out to the car and started getting her into her booster seat in the car, but by now she was kicking and flailing her arms. husband tried to gently grab her wrists as the therapist instructed, next thing he knows, he is surrounded by more than a dozen people thinking he is beating her senseless. They were on their cell phones trying to call CPS. One was calling the police to arrest my husband.
After I came out of the store from paying for our purchase, I find this growing crowd around the car. It took forever to explain that she just throws tantrums. They finally left after difficult child 1 said "She does this all the time and ruins our outings. I hate her".
We tried never to take her back into a store again. This lasted almost 6 years and I finally gave up and took her with us anyway. I was tired of being house bound.
She is now 10 and in the last 2 months has turned herself around. She is a model child, does her homework without being told, helps cheerfully with the chores and often does other difficult children chores without being told. It was pure hell putting up with her tantrums but we finally have light at the end of the tunnel.
Her therapist had her on a couple different medications, I can't recall which, but they didn't help one bit. Finally just took her off altogether.
Good luck with your difficult child. Maybe she, too, will "outgrow" the need for such behavior. One can only hope and pray.