Tay turned 20!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Yes, she has survived until her 20th without me killing her! I never thought that would happen. LOL

    I found out about 3 weeks ago that she didn't appreciate the party I threw her last year so I put on my stubborn pants and did nothing for this year. I made the Hubby do it all. Lets just say she probably learned her lesson about not appreciating things. I cleaned house up until the party and didn't help with a thing. She wound up having to cook and prep for her own party. Heck her gift wasn't even there since Hubby didn't order it until 2 days earlier. I figure it is about time she learned that birthday parties are work and don't continue being huge productions after you graduate highschool.

    Honestly I felt kind of petty until I started thinking back over it. Her 16th birthday party she got mad at me for ordering room service for her and her friends. Her 17th birthday she got mad at me for trying to plan a surprise party. Her 18th birthday party she was living with the grands and we weren't invited so we took her to dinner later that week. Her 19th birthday party was a cookout that she says we, "threw a cake on top of" and it wasn't a real birthday party. After thinking about all that I realized that all my trying was getting me nowhere. I decided whether I was being petty or not Hubby was perfectly capable of planning one birthday party after all these years. LOL
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  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Reading your post reminds me of how long we keep on, figuring that This Time it will be different.

    Who even complains about a birthday party? Answer: DCs!!!!!

    Unreal isn't it? Good for you, stepping back. Finally, finally, if we are really lucky, we step back.

    And that is a very good day.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Congratulations for both of you!

    And I have to say that you have gone above and beyond on her birthdays before. My kids have not had that type of birthday parties you talked about after they turned ten. Just bunch of relatives for coffee and cake and at most some money for them to take couple best friends to movies and pizza after that. Joy turned 19 last week and he did invite some friends to party it at our cabin and I did help him some with baking and cooking prep. I also made him a cake for home and for extended family. I felt extra helpful because I also made a cake for him to take to his summerjob to share with workmates. In fact I feel I did little too much and I should had made him to make that one himself.

    She is almost all adult now, time for her to learn that her birthday is a day when she arranges other people to celebrate instead of others making her a magical day.
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  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Jumper does not like the fuss of parties. She doesn't even like singing "happy birthday to you." We pretty much don't make her have parties as she truly doesn't like them. We go out to eat as a family (her choice the place) and have quiet barbecues at home.

    After they turn about seventeen I let them direct their lives and Jumper truly hates parties, the fuss, the big deal.

    That's pretty much what kind of parties we have for all the kids now, since they are all grown up. j

    I agree with Suzir. I'd let her make arrangements next time.

    She may not appreciate it because she didn't want all the fuss. Just some thoughts. I certainly don't know your daughter and could be wrong. Maybe she enjoyed helping out. Jumper loves to do the cooking. So does Princess.
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Good for you!!

    She's old enough now that she can plan and pay for her own parties. :wink:
  7. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    She doesn't like big parties so I keep that in mind. I get that part. I guess just dont relate to the not wanting a big party on major birthdays like 16 and 18. I refrained though. The last several have been for close friends and family only. Last year the only people she knew were the three or four families we hang out with so I invited them. She said we were just having a BBQ like we always did and since no one but us got her a gift it wasn't a birthday party. Oh well. My friends had only known her a few weeks at that point.
  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Yep I distinctly remember canceling the plans I had made for the 16th birthday. I wound up getting her and two friends tickets to a concert and staying in the attached conference center hotel for the night. I ordered chocolate cake for room service and Tay had a coniption. Apparently she was mad at one of the girls and since that girl thought the cake was a good idea then the cake was EVIL. I ordered anyway and therefore became the EVIL mother. LOL

    Can you imagine! I loved when my mom used to do things like that with me. Those are my favorite memories.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I personally think you should let her decide at her age. I didn't like big parties either, at any age or for any age and Jumper is not a Difficult Child and doesn't either. If she wants a party, ok. If she doesn't, ok. She is not you. Just because you liked those parties doesn't mean she does. Everyone is different. My husband hates the fuss of all holidays so we chill on them.

    If she wants a party, I'm guessing she'd plan to go with her friends. That's what Jumper does and even then it's very chill. She isn't a big one for high excitement.Your best memories may not be hers. Yes, it's disappointing to us, but it's not about us, right? One way I think I've learned to get along well with my adult kids is to let them do it their way instead of forcing MY way on them. I just accept what they like to do and do it or don't do it and it's made things pretty easy most of the time (except during Bart's custody battle for his son!!!)

    Jumper DOES like the present ;)
  10. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Oh she wanted a party - A party exactly like the one we threw last year that wasn't good enough. (Mind Boggled) On top of that she planned a night with some friends and requested an additional second dinner be made. So basically she got a night with friends, a cookout with us and friends, and a dinner with us and friends. She just only wants things the way she wants them.