teacher 2 stern, what do I do?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jesshas?s, Oct 14, 2008.

  1. jesshas?s

    jesshas?s Guest

    We have 8 yr old difficult child female diagnosis with Adhd. She repeated 1 st grade. She has struggled all along her school years. She does have an IEP. She has speech and resource as well. She does well with compassionate and caring teachers. This year she was placed in 2nd grade with a very stern and hard 2nd grade teacher. I think she would be great for a student who is on the ball and understands majority of things. She does a great job of preping them for 3rd grade. How in the world do I go in and ask for a more compassionate teacher? They will look at me funny because what if all the other parents came in and said I want a more caring teacher.

    She is a very sensitve child. One of her biggest problems is comprehesion. I am concerned and worried because she is already falling behind and if she doesn't click with the teacher this year, that will put her that much further behind.

    Please respond if you have any suggestions!
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First of all Jessica, welcome to the site.

    Listen, it's not a matter of you going in and saying "I need a nice, more compationate teacher for my baby". It's a matter of fighting for your daughter's right to be educated in an equal manner. If you truly, truly believe that this teacher is not going to be accomodating to your daughter's needs, that your daughter will not respond to her style of teaching, then you do need to address it.

    But, you have to make sure that you have concrete examples as to why this is not a good placement for you daughter. You have to show history of what has been successsful in the past.

    What about accomodations and modifications in the classroom? Are you able to think of things that may help your daughter without removing her from this teacher? Do you know that there is another 2nd grade teacher who will "mesh" better with your daughter?

    Listen, in all honesty, changing teachers at this age can kinda get you in trouble. Unless the teacher is showing an absolute unwillingness to work with your daughter's disabilities, she should stay in that classroom. An IEP can be changed and modified quickly now. It may be a better approach to address why your daughter is being challenged in this classroom and what steps can be taken to make sure she does not fall behind.

    There are always going to be teachers in her life that are more set in their way, a little toughter, a little less understanding - trust me, I've been there. One thing I have found that works is meeting with the teacher one on one. Not approaching the meeting like a mama bear, but rather a partner with the teacher in the child's successful education - sharing some insights into where there have been clear problems or failures in the past, sharing some things that have been of help in the past, sharing your daughter's disability/diagnosis, asking the teacher what she believes will be helpful for your daughter. Share your concern that she is falling behind and you are very concerned that this will set the tone for the year.

    I would always suggest a direct approach first. If this meeting is ended with your feeling that the teacher is unwilling to support your daughter's needs, then call the IEP meeting, or if you have a good relationship and feel the administration is willing to work with you, meet with the principal and share your concerns.

    I hope you are able to resolve this issue with as little change for your daughter. Hopefully the teacher is able to respond to your daughter's needs and she won't have to be moved. However, if it is affecting your daughter's ability to learn and her opinion of yourself, you have no choice but to deal.

    Again, welcome to the board.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome. I have a few ideas.
    First of all, get an IEP for your child. This will require that they test her again. It sounds like she has learning disabilities and may need extra help beyond what she is getting. I have an Learning Disability (LD) 12 year old and, although compassionate teachers are very helpful especially in the younger grades, the only way for these kids to make it as they get older is to get that extra help early on (and often through school) so that they can learn in their own special way and suceed. Many Learning Disability (LD) kids can't learn the conventional way and need somebody outside of the regular teacher to help them. My daughter was in Learning Disability (LD) for reading and math until this year, and still is allowed to get extra help if she needs it. She is doing ok being mainstreamed this year--her only problem spot seems to be math and she can always go before and after school for extra help (and we make her do it when she struggles.)

    Find places where your daughter excels and focus on that so her self-esteem is good. My daughter excels in sports and has a very infectious, winning personality and is very popular. These assets, which we focus on, keep her from crying too many nights about how school work is harder for her than for some kids.

    I would have your daughter tested privately. I'd do it with a neuropsychologist, who I feel tests the most thoroughly and helps the most. He will test your daughter on every level and do a better job than school will, and you will have a much greater understanding of where your child needs help and what you and your school can do about it. I did this for my daughter and it really helped them.

    My daughter has different teachers this year in every subject, some nicer than others. But she has to be able to function well for all of them. When she struggles, she is allowed to go to the Learning Disability (LD) teacher's class to take tests or do projects. For the most part, she stays in her regular classes, but she's had a lot of help along the way. My daughter did not "get" how to read until she was put into Learning Disability (LD) class in third grade. Now she is only a year behind in reading, which is a great victory.

    I hope this helped a little. A lot can be done for our little ones, but sometimes we as parents just don't know what to do. Welcome to the board.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, if everyone in that class went in and said they needed a more caring teacher - maybe they would be forced to get one. Perhaps this teacher is not at her best right now and needs the reminder.
  5. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Our family has asked for a supportive, nurturing teacher, and we have been happy with the schools choice this year even though it meant taking my daughter out of an inclusive classroom. It is harder after the year has started, but what does it hurt to ask? Even if it doesn't get you any where this year, it could help with next year's teacher selection.

    But I do think that if you see this as a strong need for your difficult child, that you would be better off with more information about your daughters struggles. An outside evaluation can help you get an IEP and supportive teachers depending on what it shows.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Jess!

    Although our district has a "no request" policy, I was able to get the teachers I wanted for Miss KT during elementary school by talking with the principal at the end of each year and giving him the reasons I felt she would be more successful. One of the things she still can't handle is someone who's really hard-nosed. She just freaks out. I've also talked with the teachers when she's had difficulties, even now, and she's a senior in high school, let them know some of her issues, and asked, "How can WE get her through this year successfully?" It's worked well so far.
  7. jesshas?s

    jesshas?s Guest

    She has an IEP. The school carefully chooses a teacher for her every year. We have moved schools this year so this school isn't familiar with her and her strengths and weaknesses. The other school was very compassinate and caring with her. We were on the same page so to speak and everything was wonderful there! However we bought our 1st house and relocated locally.

    She has gotten in trouble a lot more this year. In the past she has never been a behavior problem nor one to get in trouble this much. Her teacher says she's not a beh. problem that she has a listening problem. Well duh! She a diagnosis of adhd and auditorial processing disorder.

    Thank you for all of your input!
  8. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Welcome-I agree with what everyone else has said. You need to do what's right for your daughter. I would approach it not so much that the teacher needs to be "more caring" but more as "she doesn't mesh with your daughter's learning style". If your daughter learns best by reading things then get the IEP changed so the teacher is providing her with handouts to review. If she needs to have manipulatives to help her learn her math then put that into the IEP, etc. There are certainly things to try before switching teachers, unless you've already tried them all or the teacher herself is so inflexible as to not cooperate with the IEP. Good luck!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Jess, welcome.
    So sorry about the teacher.
    You've gotten some great advice here. I agree, you need to point out specifics and make sure the teacher is aware of the IEP and follows it. A mtng with-the teacher sounds like it's in order.