Teacher Meeting Update

[Hound dog]

Teacher is sneaky. lol

She set up a rush meeting for when I was going to Evan's Grandparents day thing so that she knew Katie would have a ride. I knew she'd bailed once, I didn't realize she'd already done it twice.

I didn't get to meet with his teacher because I was stuck in the Grandparents thing........but I did get to make certain that the school had my new contact number for all 3 kids. I didn't let her leave the school until it was done.

But of course I did get to hear about all the complaints. Evan refuses to sit still at all. He refuses / ignores all classroom rules, does not play well with the other kids, can't stay on task....is disruptive ect. Well, I'm not surprised and I told Katie so. I said well gee those kids in the program were reading and spelling, Katie. Evan knows maybe 5 letters tops.......and can count to 5 on a good day. He doesn't know shapes or colors either. So the kid is totally lost for pete's sake. It's like everyday he's plopped onto a different planet.

I watched him as closely as I could during his program. The kids were singing how to spell their color words. When he wasn't waving at me, the child had not a clue. And the aide was like right there afraid to death he was suddenly going to become disruptive. And she did have to constantly talk to him.

The IEP meeting is Nov 11 and I'm going to try hard to be in it. Katie tried to tell me he was ADHD and I told her bull. He's LOST. I said imagine yourself sitting in a classroom with 25 other kids who are reading, spelling, writing, ect and you don't even know your alphabet.......how to count. He's overwhelmed! Why not get up and try to do something else, he's not "getting" what is going on. (not to mention the whole he's never been disciplined thing)

Actually I could care less if they test him for ADHD. I just hope to heck they come up with a way to help the poor kid catch up. It's not just a case of schoolwork, he's got to learn everything....rules, how to sit still and function in a classroom, socialization.....everything. Poor kid.

After the program I hugged him and told him I loved him. He kept telling me he loved me over and over in that desperate thing he does that unsettles me. in my opinion I've not hugely bonded with him, so I'm not sure why he's doing it.

Makes me sick to see and know what his parents have done to him. Also makes me furious, which is why I made it clear to katie that I knew the reason he is the way he is.

 

[1905]

He's in the wrong class, and they'll move him. It's a shame she didn't get him tested earlier, or brought him to preschool, where they could properly asses him. It's really sad that he's wasting so much time because he's lost, instead of being in the correct environment. Once he's placed correctly, he can really start meaningful learning. (((HUGS Nana)))

 

[susiestar]

I am glad the teacher is sneaky. She needs to be to help Evan. I am thinking some truly ugly things about Katie right now. there is no excuse for all she has refused to do for her children. While M may be a lot of things, at least he does what he can for them in regard to feeding them, etc.....

All of this makes me wonder if maybe M doesn't keep a job because he is afraid that the kids will go hungry or something really bad will happen. I am NOT a fan of his, and I hold him as responsible as her mostly, but given M's mental problems he may not be able to teach the kids the basics like the alphabet or whatever. He could try more, sure. I just have begun to think that maybe the crazy stories about why he lost a job are his excuses to Katie, made because he is afraid to leave the kids with her?

Why don't you go up to the school one day and ask the teacher to listen as you explain what is going on when evan is at home? You don't need katie's permission to speak to the teacher, they need it to speak to you. They can still listen and it might be helpful. Put NOTHING on paper, don't write the teacher a letter, etc.... Just a private chat with teh teacher, and warn the teacher that if she tells katie about it, katie might run or take it out on evan.

"After the program I hugged him and told him I loved him. He kept telling me he loved me over and over in that desperate thing he does that unsettles me. in my opinion I've not hugely bonded with him, so I'm not sure why he's doing it. "

This inappropriate display of love is often a sign of an abused child. Or at least it is listed in every book about abuse that I have seen. It can also be a sign of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or inappropriate or insecure bonding with a parent/primary caregiver.

It is unsettling because it is so intense and given to people he doesn't know or doesn't know deeply and well.

I am sorry that you have to know your grands are being mistreated this way, and that tehy have to endure it!

 

[HaoZi]

in my opinion I've not hugely bonded with him, so I'm not sure why he's doing it.

Doesn't mean he hasn't bonded to you more than he's bonded to Katie. Wouldn't surprise me, either.

 

[AnnieO]

You are one heckuva great Nana!!!

I don't know if this will help any, but... Jett was totally unsocialized till kindergarten... He had a lot of disruption issues, plus he couldn't hear worth a darn (and his medical problems). By 3rd grade (when they came to live with us), he was reading at a Pre-K level (!!!)... PT conferences in 3rd, teacher demanded we put him back on ADHD medications (husband started to get upset, I politely told teacher that he could not tell us this and he was not a doctor). This was shortly before bio came to the school and had the school giving them to him unknown to husband. The rest of 3rd grade was a disaster.

4th grade, beginning of the year, reading at K... with IEP, no more stims, and parent/sped/reg teacher help, by the end of the year he was at 2nd grade level... And no more disruptiveness! 5th grade - he caught up. He still has problems with comprehension, but mostly, it's good.

 

[bluebird36]

I missed the first part of this convo and couldnt find it but my son does a lot of the same things in class. He was there for preschool he has been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, odd, and adhd and now they are screening him for autism. You should really make sure that they test him for everything. I dont know about the school your child is going to but my childs school calls me every day by 930 am to come and pick him up because of his behavior. If he cant sit still at school he is not doing it at home either. My child makes it very difficult to teach him anything. He cant sit down for more than two minutes. They need to get a timer and start making him sit down for 15 minutes at a time until he can learn to sit still. The school needs to test him and not only that give him a function ability test. If everybody doesnt work together as a group nothing will get fixed.

Teacher is sneaky. lol

She set up a rush meeting for when I was going to Evan's Grandparents day thing so that she knew Katie would have a ride. I knew she'd bailed once, I didn't realize she'd already done it twice.

I didn't get to meet with his teacher because I was stuck in the Grandparents thing........but I did get to make certain that the school had my new contact number for all 3 kids. I didn't let her leave the school until it was done.

But of course I did get to hear about all the complaints. Evan refuses to sit still at all. He refuses / ignores all classroom rules, does not play well with the other kids, can't stay on task....is disruptive ect. Well, I'm not surprised and I told Katie so. I said well gee those kids in the program were reading and spelling, Katie. Evan knows maybe 5 letters tops.......and can count to 5 on a good day. He doesn't know shapes or colors either. So the kid is totally lost for pete's sake. It's like everyday he's plopped onto a different planet.

I watched him as closely as I could during his program. The kids were singing how to spell their color words. When he wasn't waving at me, the child had not a clue. And the aide was like right there afraid to death he was suddenly going to become disruptive. And she did have to constantly talk to him.

The IEP meeting is Nov 11 and I'm going to try hard to be in it. Katie tried to tell me he was ADHD and I told her bull. He's LOST. I said imagine yourself sitting in a classroom with 25 other kids who are reading, spelling, writing, ect and you don't even know your alphabet.......how to count. He's overwhelmed! Why not get up and try to do something else, he's not "getting" what is going on. (not to mention the whole he's never been disciplined thing)

Actually I could care less if they test him for ADHD. I just hope to heck they come up with a way to help the poor kid catch up. It's not just a case of schoolwork, he's got to learn everything....rules, how to sit still and function in a classroom, socialization.....everything. Poor kid.

After the program I hugged him and told him I loved him. He kept telling me he loved me over and over in that desperate thing he does that unsettles me. in my opinion I've not hugely bonded with him, so I'm not sure why he's doing it.

Makes me sick to see and know what his parents have done to him. Also makes me furious, which is why I made it clear to katie that I knew the reason he is the way he is.

 

[hearts and roses]

He needs to be in a different class - do they have a preschool level kindergarten in that district? Or is there a transition program available? This just stinks because if he's not ADHD and is constantly being reprimanded it will add a whole other list of issues to deal with - he will most assuredly become a discipline problem and that will end up being the primary focus rather than teaching him what he needs to learn! Argh - I'm so angry with Katie as well right now.

And I agree that his telling you over and over again he loves you is actually probably normal for him because kids KNOW who cares about them and he's picking up on that from you, Nana. He knows you genuinely care about his well-being. Anyway, that is my opinion on that.

 

[Hound dog]

do they have a preschool level kindergarten in that district? Or is there a transition program available?

This is what I don't know and would like to find out, and don't trust Katie to ask or even hint at. And I want to see if they'll give him a 1:1 aide. Which is why I want to be at that meeting. Generally, she does include me in the meetings......so I can explain what they're saying to her. I missed Alex's for this year because I had something going on with mother in law at the time at the end of the school year last year. I ask all the questions and make the suggestions. Katie just sits there making excuses and doing that whiny voice that makes me want to slap her.

Susie, we all know how I feel about M and why. You make good point about the working. Since he's been their primary caregiver since birth, it very well may be true and I should probably keep that in mind when dealing with the man. Might be he goes out and attempts to keep a job and things go to hades at home and he feels he has to quit for the welfare of the kids. I do know that during this blow up between Nichole and Katie, evidently Nichole majorly called katie out on all the past physical abuse of the kids that she witnessed when she was 11-13. (I had no clue she'd done so, I won't because I know I won't be able to get near the grands if I bring it up) Nichole also told Katie she believes that all this stuff is katies fault, that she knows better. At least M has the excuse of his disaster of a background and the fact that he has a very low IQ. That is why this rift between them is still going strong, Nichole hit way too close to home.

Call me crazy, but I do have my moments when I seriously wonder if M is as much a victim in all this as the kids are and that Katie is the master manipulator with M doing most of her dirty work and getting all the blame for everything so she can still appear clueless and innocent. I'm not saying the man is guilt free by a long shot. But I bet a neuropsychologist would have a field day with the man.

Honestly all the kids do the desperate love you Nana stuff, Alex less of course due to the autism but even he still does it. And it certainly isn't because I shower them with things either, because I can't and don't. Kayla is begging to come and help me decorate for the Halloween party so she can spend time with me. I think I may let her. It would be a fun thing to do together. I'd like to find something I could do with Evan without him quickly becoming bored so I can spend some time with him too. Alex.......well, I'd just plain have to get Darrin because I won't let him on my computer and I don't own video games. With sitting for easy child's boys and looking for work.....and still handling husband's stuff, plus taking travis to and from school I don't have a ton of spare time right now. But hopefully soon things will settle down more and I can snatch them one at a time occasionally. I'm going to try to get Aubrey down here a few weekends for sleep overs anyway.

 

[Liahona]

I think the hardest thing in the world is watching the suffering of innocent children and not being able to do much about it. My heart goes out to you and them.

 

[donna723]

Lisa, I swear, every time I read these things about Katie, I just want to backhand her! I mean, how incredibly lazy does someone have to be to let their children just vegetate and not teach them anything until they start school? Even if she was too lazy to work with him herself, and even if they were on a very limited budget, all she had to do is turn on the TV! There's some wonderful kids educational programs on PBS. My son was read to from infancy and I worked with him a lot. He was both reading and writing (crudely) when he started kindergarten but I never specifically taught him. He just absorbed most of it from watching Sesame Street! He was a Sesame Street fanatic, twice a day on week days and three times on Saturdays! And it costs nothing to get good children's books from the library and read to them! There really is no excuse, much less no excuse for him being completely undisciplined at that age. You just can't treat a child like a baby all his life and then expect him to do well in school. Poor kid is going to have such a rough time adapting to school and it was all so unnecessary! I've seen my daughter use every opportunity, even when he's playing, to teach Ethan his numbers and colors and letters and he's soaking it up like a little sponge and he's only two! All it takes is a little effort!

My brother and I were just talking about this the other day. His daughter and her two boys live with them and her oldest boy just started kindergarten. When we started school, we were virtually little "blank slates" and were taught all this in kindergarten and first grade. We didn't get a lot of the academics at home but we knew discipline and our parents made sure we behaved ourselves and could conduct ourselves properly in school. When our own kids started kindergarten 25-30 years ago it was assumed that they would already know the basics ... the alphabet, colors, numbers, shapes. But now, kindergarten is so much different! I was amazed at what they have my great-nephew doing after only a few weeks in kindergarten! They are not only supposed to already know all that, they are writing out the words for them (r-e-d, b-l-u-e, etc.), they are expected to be able to read those words when they see them and learning all kinds of sight words, and even doing simple math. Much more advanced than even when my own kids started school. Now they just assume that all the kids have been to preschool or Headstart or that the parents worked with them enough that they can start out at this level. No wonder poor little Evan is already hopelessly lost!

And the reason that your grandkids cling to you so much is that they know that you give a d*mn about them! Kids always know those things. When you're around they get to experience a little taste of a normal family life that they've never known before and they feel safe with you. You are an absolutely awesome grandma and they are so fortunate to have you in their lives.

 

[Hound dog]

Donna

That is exactly what infuriates me so much. It just doesn't take any effort to teach kids what they need to know for kindergarden anymore.

easy child was a Sesame Street addict, she watched it 3 times a day 5 days a week. It was one of the few shows I let her watch. The rest of the time was spent playing. But by 2 she could count to 20, say her alphabet perfectly, knew all her numbers, shapes and could write her name, Mom, Dad and a few other 3 letter words. (because she wanted to learn. Travis could count to 20 by 2 (evidence, I have him on video doing it lol ) and say his alphabet, he had most of his colors and shapes down too. But writing was tougher for him for obvious reasons, not that he didn't try. Nichole was the same. Heck, all my kids could tell you their parents full names, phone numbers (including area code) and addresses at the age of 2. That I did actively teach them. None of them went to preschool to learn those things......preschool for them was socialization and learning to function in a classroom setting away from parents.

Darrin and Aubrey were already reading, writing, and doing simple math before kindergarden.

Heck, all she'd have to do is keep the tv tuned to those channels and Evan would begin to absorb them. But if the kids get to watch it's sponge bob or something. Not that I have anything against that, but yeah.

Well, Nana did her part today. I had Darrin's Grandparent's day and it was much more nicely done than Evan's. None of the other kids in his groups had grandparents coming, one little girl (cute as a button) didn't even have grandparents, so they wound up all adopting me as their grandparent for the day. The kids showed us how they use the Smart Board which is like a giant computer hung on the wall, very cool, and I can see where it's very helpful. Darrin made me a card saying all the things he liked about me. Then we did a cool thing where I traced Darrin's hand, then he traced mine over his. And then he and all the kids in his group and I did some word finds together. They had a blast. Smart lil buggers. lol

Then I took Darrin to the book fair. I wasn't going to because I knew it would be expensive as heck. But I've always been anal when it comes to kids learning to read and support it any way I can. So.....they had a series of these books Darrin is reading in class. He LOVES them. He got super excited but didn't ask. He was looking for something small. (hahahaha like there is such a thing) He nearly busted his britches when I told him he could have them. So then he helped me pick out books for Kayla, Alex and Evan too. I shelled out 75.00 (OMG!!!) but I don't lavishly spoil the grands much, and in my opinion reading is special. So if it encourages them to read, then that's great. (I also am constantly picking them up books 2nd hand too)

I picked up Thomas the Tank book set for Evan that helps them learn to read with phonics. He LOVES Thomas but his parents never allow him to watch it. I am the only one who lets him watch it. And with the issues he's already having.......he made need the added help of phonics when he starts trying to read.

Man I am such a svcker. LOL

 

[Hound dog]

Oh......

And they need volunteers to read to the students in kindergarden. So I'm going to sign up and volunteer to read to Evan's class.

 

[InsaneCdn]

=


You go, girl!
Nothing like a battle-trained warrior mom to come to the rescue in disguise... as a Nana!

Evan is SO lucky to have you... and so is the teacher.

 

[buddy]

you got me all choked up...really special.