Teacher Meeting.....

[Hound dog]

Katie asked me to take her to the meeting with Evan's teacher and school staff on monday morning. She may have her date wrong, I believe monday is Columbus day?

She needed the ride and I agreed so that I know what's going on. I already have a good idea, but katie likes to twist things so that she's the victim, so I'd rather have it from the horses mouth so to speak.

So far Evan's kindergarden experience has been hades on earth for his teacher. I'm not the least bit surprised, I predicted as much.

Katie thinks it's a preliminary meeting for an IEP. It may very well be, I dunno. Honestly? It wouldn't surprise me if it was a meeting to ask her wth does she do in the parenting dept anyway, nothing??

And I know Katie is going to try to tell them that Evan is just like his brother, so of course he'd have to be MRDD too. Uh, no. The boy can learn. He wants to learn. He learns just fine if someone actively teaches him. He's not mentally slow. He is developmentally delayed, but that is because his parents treat him like he's an infant.

His problem is a complete lack of discipline. Up until the moment he started school, no one (except me and husband and his aunts) has ever made him behave or follow rules. The literal wild child. The result is that his parents don't even have any control over his behavior unless M just plain grabs him and holds on for dear life. And even that doesn't work half the time.

The teacher complains that he won't sit still. Uh, no. He's never been made to sit still. He won't listen to her. Uh, no. He's never been taught to recognize authority. He won't follow classroom rules. Uh, no. Rules don't apply to him, it's what he has been taught for the past 5 1/2 yrs. He doesn't socialize well with the other kids. Well, that happens when you've spent your entire life socially isolated.

Man, you've no idea how sorry I feel for his teacher. She must dread going to work each morning. I know that's awful to say, and in many ways it's not Evan's fault, but still. I'm not going to blame the teacher either.

Now the interesting part is going to be Nana managing to keep her mouth shut during this meeting. My tongue will probably be bleeding by the time we leave from biting it so hard.

I have no clue what good an IEP is going to do him. Except get him speech classes which he desperately needs. I'm sure the teacher can't understand him either, which is not helping. His own parents can't understand him 99 percent of the time. It takes me forever to get what he's saying......and most of that is because I'll keep asking him questions and trying different things until I get it right.

Heaven help me if they ask my opinion. And so far they usually do. I may blurt out mandatory parenting classes for the parents. omg

Katie thinks his teacher should be happy Evan doesn't try to runaway from the school like Alex used to.......... oh wow. I'm pretty sure he doesn't because the school is in the freakin middle of a corn field out of town.

No, I won't talk to katie. Does no good. Even if she asks, I no longer offer advice either. She doesn't listen or take it anyway. So what's the point?

It would be nice for at least one human being other than family to have a major lightbulb moment that in this circumstance the parents are totally to blame and take appropriate action. They won't of course.

But a Nana can dream. blah

Oh.......and this meeting has only come about after 2 solid months of the teacher trying to reach katie by phone and notes home that were ignored.

 

[keista]

We have school here on Monday, so it's possible the day is right. Do they have district calendars online?

Good luck keeping mouth shut. A difficult task for me as well.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Any chance of an intervention class for Evan? They have something like that here, but only in certain schools - the ones in the worst parts of town. In this intervention class, they ASSUME that the kids have never been taught the basics in life... so that is where they start. How to sit still. How to do what is asked. What a pencil is. Etc. While they are at it, they screen for other issues, because they ASSUME the parents haven't done it. It would probably be his best start in school.

 

[KTMom91]

I was also thinking an early intervention class might be a better fit for Evan, since he doesn't yet have the basics of classroom behavior down yet. I like the idea of mandatory parenting classes for Katie and M, but when they don't go, what consequences could be put in place?

Hope something is put in place for Evan soon, especially since he wants to learn.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im thinking holding him back to pre-school might be the best thing myself. Poor child. Also teacher reporting parents to CPS for educational neglect.

 

[Hound dog]

Evan already missed any chance at early intervention here. That was the reason I was pushing her to get him into head start. And no, our school doesn't even have a Special Education classroom. All students are integrated, like it or not. The severely mentally disabled students attend a special school. And Evan in no way shape or form qualifies for that placement.

My only hope for these kids is that we do live in a very small town. There is one grade school, one Jr High, one high school. All the school staff know each other well and communicate with each other on a regular basis. I'm hoping for once this plays in the kids favor. The school staff caught it quick that Kayla "mothers" Alex and that Alex is dependent on her. Evan I know has reinforced this probably 1000 fold. Actually one of Alex's IEP goals is to get him to be less dependent on Kayla and more self sufficient. He had only slightly improved by the end of the school year. It does not help that Kayla has had it so ingrained in her that she is responsible for her brothers that she also has trouble letting them do and think for themselves.

Add on that the kids are always sick. Seriously, they are, if Katie is to be believed. Kayla is sick right now with both a respiratory and stomach bug. I'm not sure how much of this I actually believe....yet last year I know they were sick a lot. But I also know she likes to say she's "taking them to the pediatrician doctor" when she doesn't take them to see anyone. So, there are a lot of missed school days.

And personally, I'd love for someone other than me to pin her ears back about never having taken Alex to any specialists to have a real diagnosis for his issues. I'd swear on a stack of bibles when trying to get the IEP for Travis and get it written up properly ect I had to drag the boy all over the place to specialist for doctor reports and evaluations and test and omg..........she gets one in school evaluation and that's it? No one questions it? No one asks why? Not even social security disability? (yeah, sorry that one really ticks me off......not because I don't know he's disabiled but because the why of it needs to be known) Oh, and the kicker? It's an out of state school evaluation on top of it. wth?

It just makes my blood boil. Because it's not fair to the boys, it certainly isn't fair to Kayla......and yet somehow everyone somehow misses the obvious. Not just 1 state, but 2 states for pete's sake.

I just hope now that there isn't another school she can drag him off too once teachers start really talking to each other.....that they start getting those red flags shooting up all the time and someone finally does something that will truly help those kids.

But I'm not counting on it. For some miraculous reason Katie seems to slip out of reach like a frimpin greased pig.

If I can manage to keep my mouth shut in the meeting, I might find a way to let school staff know they can contact me for more "truthful" background information that will give them a much better idea of what their dealing with.

 

[InsaneCdn]

If I can manage to keep my mouth shut in the meeting, I might find a way to let school staff know they can contact me for more "truthful" background information that will give them a much better idea of what their dealing with.

That's probably a good idea. And, having that as Plan B in your pocket might make it a tiny bit easier to keep your mouth shut IN the meeting (so SHE can't mess you up on Plan B).

 

[HaoZi]

Slip a note to the teacher with your contact info if you really want her able to reach you. If Evan is really wanting to learn, are they encouraging him to write out what he wants until he can speech therapy to help him? As far as minimal testing, I'm not surprised. Budgets are really stressed and it seems school and SpEd budgets are even worse off than most govt agencies. Since she isn't bringing in doctor's notes for the absences, how come truant officers aren't being sent around? How many unexcused absences do they have to have before they're forced to hold the kids back?

 

[1905]

The teacher already sees the writing on the wall, believe me, just the mere fact Katie hasn't responded. They'll see pretty quick grandma is the "normal" one because you'll be asking appropriate questions and having proper responses. Evan isn't the only kid like this, many kids are allowed to have free range of everything at home and they destroy, hit, and run amuck in the classroom. The first day of school for us, parents were attending also, some allowed their child to do all those things and not say one word, yes, even HIT! It's ok though, don't worry, kids learn pretty quick and teachers know what to do. Maybe she has a behavior plan for the whole class, where the class "earns" something fun, but some kids don't "earn" it...and they want to earn it. We never take recess from a five year old.

Anyway, maybe you can suggest a 1:1, or a 1:2, or a 1:3......you know an aide that helps out one or a few kids in the classroom. I promise you he's not he only child going into school for the first time that has a difficult time in the beginning. I'm thinking because the meeting is with the teacher and staff that they have a plan. Don't worry, he's going to be ok, they're going to help him. ((((hugs))))

 

[Wiped Out]

What a difficult situation. In my district he probably wouldn't qualify because one thing they are supposed to rule out is that it isn't due to the environment. I definitely feel for Evan and the teacher. An iep would help the teacher and Evan in that she would then have support in her room (unless there already is support in the room, however, with an iep they would still focus more on support for Evan).

 

[Mattsmom277]

Wishing you luck on biting that tongue Monday. Nothing stopping you from giving them a call after that meeting if you suddenly realize some important things weren't discussed, so as a loving grandparent you thought it appropriate to call and bring those things to their attention .

I hope they can find a way for the teacher to enjoy him and that he can hold his own at least enough to remain in class. It sounds like a structured and disciplined environment with expectations will do him a world of good. I've always been a firm believer that as much as kids like to rebel at some of the rules, kids feel loved, guided and cared about when they have rules and structure. I know so many kids would say they'd love no rules or guidance, to be free to do what they want. But I've yet to meet a kid who has that kind of life that is actually happy. They know that a lack of rules, structure and guidance and discipline equals a lack of attention or thought put into their development. I think he'll eventually thrive in school at least emotionally. And being away from home all day, 5 days a week, is a good way for him to know the world does not operate as his parents do.

 

[AnnieO]

We had school on Columbus Day - but OFF on FRIDAY for WOEA Day - till someone had a light bulb go off realizing that most of their student body had parents who worked on base, and many of the kids were out anyway. So now they have Monday AND Friday off.

I agree with slipping the school your contact info - but - how did Katie get a meeting set up without responding to the school? HMM.

Somehow, maybe you can give them an aside about parenting classes... But... Seems to me they (Katie and MoronMan) will figure out how to avoid them...

 

[hearts and roses]

If anyone in the meeting makes a comment in regards to the difficulties they have reaching Katie, why not offer up your contact info? That way, you won't be violating any HIPA laws or restrictions because Katie will be sitting right there giving her okay. If you don't think she will? Well, then I'd simply volunteer it to the teacher. I wouldn't be so concerned about pissing off Katie as much as I'd be about making certain the teacher is aware that there's someone in Evans corner. Another option would be to contact the teacher after the meeting to go over key points. That's what difficult child's boyfriend recently did with his sons. He went to the PT meeting and after his ex left, boyfriend went back inside and spoke with the teacher privately-asked to be copied in on ALL correspondence, etc. They agreed.

Good luck, bring gauze for your tongue bleed. Hugs, it must be so difficult to see all this and have no control over the situation!

 

[JJJ]

HIPAA is for medical professionals. FERPA is the one that keeps school info confidential.

I agree with hearts&roses have Katie sign something saying that it is okay for them to talk to you about all 3 kids education. Even though you can't have them live you, you could be an amazing advocate for them in school.

 

[Hound dog]

I most certainly will give them my contact information. They actually have it already. I'm the kids emergency contact, but it's the stupid house phone which doesn't work most of the time. So I'm going to be sure to give them my new cell number and let them know they can contact me at anytime. I'm going to use that my number changed to give it to them, with the added if you need anything just call ect. lol

I know the school contacted easy child. She's the other emergency contact. She was not pleased by a long shot. (she doesn't want to be an emergency contact really) So I dunno if she contacted katie via fb or not. Could be the school kept calling until they finally reached her.

And to be honest, if it's an "official" school meeting Katie won't miss one, because there is the potential she can have Evan declared MRDD like Alex and sign him up for disability too. Notes from the teacher? Ehh no payoff, and she'd have to account for his behavior, so she probably tossed them into the trash.

I'm going to suggest an aide for Evan. I'm not sure he'll get one. Travis had one for about 2 yrs......then the school suddenly didn't have anymore. So I don't know if that situation has been resolved or not. Even sharing an aide with another student or two would help. He needs someone to sit with him 1:1 to practice his skills and help keep him focus, not to mention have their eagle eye trained on him at all times.

And our school is a little slow in the truancy dept. They eventually catch up with the parents, but it takes a while as it's actually a big problem overall. Katie and M are not the only parents like this by a long shot.

Alex's teacher last year knew Nana was in his corner. She contacted me when she couldn't reach Katie.......in order words, she contacted me because she couldn't reach katie. And during his IEP meeting last year, I'm the one that helped push that he needed to become more independent into the IEP. I've not met his teacher this year, I was hoping to on grandparent's day but I have to work during his and kayla's time for that. I can and will be at Evan's though. *insert sinister Nana laugh* Evan's is Tuesday, Darrin's is Wednesday. Kayla and Alex's is Thursday.....and easy child works.

Evan can learn normally, though. I had him counting to like 5 for quite a while using pennies one day. And both Nichole and I tend to practice colors when we're around him.....like the grass is green, the stop light is red, ect. Problem is there is zero reinforcement at home, which of course makes it harder for him to retain it. He also can sit still. I seem to have no trouble getting him to do it. One "mamma look" and he won't move. lol He can follow rules too. You just can't take your eyes off him for a second, and you have to be totally anal about consistency. You give in just once and you start all over again.

What makes me so furious with Alex is I know there is much more going on than the MRDD diagnosis. He's Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) for one thing. (not aspergers, too low functioning) He has lots of sensory issues. He has both large and fine motor skill deficits, lots of them. Balance issues. And heaven only knows how many learning issues that are not being addressed.

 

[buddy]

HIPAA is for medical professionals. FERPA is the one that keeps school info confidential.

If your educational dept bills state insurance for any related services then HIPPA applies but probably not an issue for you.

 

[JJJ]

If your educational dept bills state insurance for any related services then HIPAA applies but probably not an issue for you.

Yes, because then it becomes a medical service

 

[buddy]

Yes, because then it becomes a medical service

sorry for the typo I do that lots.....

 

[flutterby]

In the state of Ohio, school's don't have to promote a kid who has missed more than 30 days for whatever reason, regardless of grades. However, I've yet to see them do that.

 

[susiestar]

State of OH is NOT going to hold them back. Then they have to cope with them for another year. in my opinion that is as much the reason for "social promotion" of a child who cannot do the work as any worry about the child. At least it was in and around Cincy anyway. Also in the area where Lisa lives - I worked near there for a year and was shocked at how little someone had to do to pass a grade there. Esp if the parents are just impossible and refuse to even try to work with the school.