teacher mtng in 1 hr ... IEP on the way ...

[TerryJ2]

I've printed out difficult child's most recent psychoeducational testing, and lots of info about Asperger's and executive function issues, so I'm hoping we cover a lot of ground.
difficult child just called from the nurse's ofc and said his ribs hurt. I told him to ice (I told the nurse that, too) since it's from football. His aches and pains always get to him when he knows he's in trouble or that I am mtng with-his teachers.
Wish me luck!

 

[totoro]

I hope the meeting goes well and if you need and IEP it is smooth sailing...
He obviously needs some help at School and more support.
Now after the meeting you can go to the SPA!

 

[klmno]

Good luck! I read the other thread but didn't post since I didn't think I could add anything. There were some good suggestions, I think. My son did a drastic turn around for the better at sd when we implemented positive supports for executive functioning and helping him cope ("problem-solving"- I tweaked some ideas from TEC book) and took the focus off rewards and consequences for bad behavior- not that he doesn't have or need rewards and consequences, but when the focus changed the IEP became a lot more useful for preventing bad behavior instead of listing ways to manage it.

It just seemed to take forever to get the sd to try this approach because they were convinced the problem was just willful, controllable bad behavior and they couldn't/wouldn't acknowledge any other issue until difficult child's bad behavior went away and he still showed weaknesses. Of course the bad behavior didn't go away to reveal this until the sd was willing to try this approach so we spent a LONG time caught in that circle that was getting difficult child nowhere but worse.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Terry,

By now, the meeting is probably over. I hope it went well!!! SFR

 

[Wiped Out]

Hope the meeting went well!

 

[Christy]

Good luck with the meeting. I hope it's productive and helps difficult child

 

[maril]

I hope the meeting was productive and, also, that your son feels less pain today!

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all.

difficult child was very cranky and in pain, but refused to put ice on his ribs in the nurse's ofc. He wanted to sit in the car while we talked. I said no, but allowed him to get a reading book from the car and come back and sit in a classroom. I also told him I'd take him for a burger afterward and he calmed down. I think he thought he was in a heap of trouble and we were just going to badmouth him the entire time. I can understand that!

I brought lots of handouts and everyone was happy to take them home. I printed out a special handout for the math and science teacher, with-a list of books that are useful for kids with-Executive Dysfunction (I was calling it Executive Function Disorder ) and she pointed to the book at the top of the list and said, "I use that one! It's on the list! It's at the top of the list!" She was so excited.
Good thing, because difficult child hates math and he can use all the help he can get.

The resource teacher was there and she helped facilitate, along with-the English teacher, homeroom teacher, math teacher and myself.

One thing they noticed was that when difficult child is supposed to pass his notebook to the person next to him, or to use the book for an open book test, is that he does not. He just keeps to himself. They said he shoots himself in the foot doing -- or not doing -- certain things. I told them that he has some social anxiety and he doesn't want to lose face. The teacher said, "But he asks questions in class," and I responded, "That's because you're an authority figure and not a peer." I added that he never, ever calls his friends at home. They call him, or I have to make the call, but he freaks out when he has to call someone. They all said, "Ooohhhh."
I told them we would work on it in counseling.

I also mentioned that the goal sheet was too overwhelming for him. It seemed easy for the rest of us, but when I broke it down into components, they understood.

The resource teacher said they have no individual to follow IEP kids like the public school system, which is fine, I added, because it would mortify difficult child anyway.

The math and science teacher seems to be having the most issues with-him, mostly, because he jumps into things and doesn't follow instructions and messes it up for himself. (No, really?) So we are all going to work on that.
He got 100% on a quiz the other day, but still has a zero on homework. So he's got a brain but he just doesn't follow through. The teacher said she'd noticed that when she's right there with-him, he's fine, but if she's teaching at the blackboard in front of the entire class, he tends to miss things. (Uh, yeah ... As a side note, the Zimbabwe guy I was helping this summer with-his memoir said he does not like the way Americans teach at the blackboard. He said all of his teachers taught at the front, and for every single point they made, they walked up and down the rows and actually put their fingers on the kids' notebooks to make sure the info was correct. Very hands-on. And he said it makes a huge difference.)

I told the teachers we took away one of the computers, and would take away football if necessary, but they didn't think that was necessary--just a close eye and consistency so he doesn't fall behind again. He is caught up now.

We also talked about issues such as lying to cover his b*typical teen, and also, that he was allowed to eat his friends' snacks, and I said he will say anything to be allowed to eat cookies and things with-wheat. I said I'd send in gluten free cookies for the whole class whenever needed, and the resource teacher is going to buy fruit rollups and similar snacks to keep on hand.

Lots of energy and info. Now, for the follow-through ...

 

[TerryJ2]

Oops, one more thing, the resource teacher said she had summarized the psychoeducational info and given it to everyone at the beginning of the yr so it wasn't necessary to give them another copy.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Sounds like a decent meeting and it also sounds like his teachers are pretty understanding and up on lds. In relation to his homework - do they provide him with a written homework assignment or is he responsible for writing down the assignment or remembering it once he gets home? My difficult child is getting much better, but the majority of his teachers sign his agenda once he writes the homework assignment in there.

Does he have an established homework time and space? One thing that has really been successful for us is a set homework time - 5:00. That way he gets to come home, chill, watch some tv, etc., before sitting down again (especially since he's just spent 6.5 hours sitting at school). He's on a block schedule, and I find it really helpful for him to do the assigned homework for from that day on that day. That way the information is still fresh. He also has a quiet homework space. There are some days when I sit in there with him and read a book, a magazine, go through paperwork, etc., just to make sure he's on task (plus it's kinda a rest for me). That way, if he needs some help, I'm right there as well.

We established this system when he was in third grade and it really works. He knows ahead of time what the deal is. As much as he might want to balk or not be interested in homework, he's always responded well to structure (as in knowing what is coming next, etc.) and this is just another way for him to anticipate an expectation.

Sharon

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, I forgot about that part, too, Sharon. LOL! I'm getting over a cold and am half asleep.
Yes, they are supposed to initial the work in his agenda that has been finished. He is supposed to copy if from the black board (actually, a white board with-blk wipe off markers). If there are no initials by the assignment in the book, I am to assume it has not been finished and I sit at the kitchen table while he works on it, and then initial it.
Last night husband and I made sure he understood that homework comes first and that we will not give him the TV cord or computer mouse until everything is finished. He cannot do anything after football unless we've had a day of dr appts, or some emergency.
Sometimes I pay bills, or read a magazine, or do dishes while he works. He just likes having me there.
When I was in my 20s, b4 I had kids, I assumed they would all go to their rooms and do homework at their desks in their rooms like we did when we were kids.
I don't know what to say about that now except to laugh.

 

[klmno]

These sound like very in-tune teachers! My son had very similar struggles in school- different classes but similar issues. He has executive functioning struggles but it apparently spread into other things. One of his teachers pointed out that this was leading difficult child to be a perfectioniist. A few of us found that unbelievable at first but she said these were the clues- difficult child had extreme sensitivity over other kids laughing at him or criticizing his work so if he didn't think he could do great on it, he wouldn't do it at all or would not turn it in if it had been done. He also would make 100% on some things and 0 on others but the 0's were because he didn't do it or made it obvious that he didn't try (answering questions on paper without reading the question so the answers made no sense- in a class where he made 100's other times.) Now being a boy that age, he would act like he didn't care rather than admit how much he did care. IOW, we found that sometimes at school, the ODD behavior was a cover for anxiety/stress and having no clue how to deal with it.

I just thought I'd throw that out since I see a lot of similarities here. All kids are sensitve about peer issues at this age but some of our difficult child's get a lot more sensitive about peer acceptance then we realize sometimes. Now, we are working witth my son to help him see that his work doesn't have to be perfect, it's better to do the best a person can and then not worry about it. This might not pertain to your son at all- I don't know.

The meeting sounds very productive!

 

[totoro]

Does he do his homework after a bit or right when he gets home?
For some of our kids taking too long of a break after School is actually a bad thing. They lose the focus that they have form being in School and have a almost impossible time regaining it.
THey have had a long day and now they are dealing with all of their other issues building up towards the end of the day.

Our therapist has done a ton of studies on this and has found a very small break for drink and snack and then right to homework.
It is the only way we have been able to get any work out of K. She can still only do a tiny amount but it is some.
On the days when she has something going on it is amazing how much of a difference there is. She just can't do it. We basically basket C homework on those days.
The other things is because she loses focus and is distracted so easily, that we have her homework area set up out of her room and husband or I have to be with her. It will likely always be this way in some form or another. Most of our kids just can't be expected to do all of these things on there own.
I know he and K have different issues but a lot of things are similar or work the same at times.
K also can not copy anything from the board. She has has to copy from a class mate. They work together.
Or you have the Teacher just give him a copy of his notes before hand.

Over all the meeting sounded great! The School sounds like they are on the ball and care about you and difficult child!

 

[gcvmom]

When I was in my 20s, b4 I had kids, I assumed they would all go to their rooms and do homework at their desks in their rooms like we did when we were kids.
I don't know what to say about that now except to laugh.

YUP! I'm right there with ya!!! That's what happens when you give birth to a difficult child!!!

 

[susiestar]

Sounds like an awesome meeting! these teachers are talking the talk, and it really sounds like they are going to walk the walk. Actually it sounds like they are already walking the walk and they want info so they can RUN down the walk!

This sure sounds like a great place to have him attend school.

There are many teachers who DO walk around while they talk. Or while the kids are working. I know my father used to clock MILES on his pedometer every school day. It was NOT from walking the hallways at class changes, or teh lunchroom at lunch. it was mostly from walking in the classroom. But he was terribly different from many teachers. Kids DO benefit from a hands-on teaching style.

they benefit from being taught HOW to take notes. Most kids NEVER get note taking skills at school. It really hurts them. Your difficult child is at a good age to learn this. NOT from you or husband though. Maybe a teacher he likes, or your friend from Zimbabwe can help. I didn't learn enough of this in school and college was HARD those first few years. I took a class through the education dept about HOW to study effectively. It was created to give football players some help and an easy A. But it was stunningly helpful to me. I had many friends take it after me because they saw how helpful it was. It really might help difficult child to learn this stuff.

I am glad things are coming together!