Teacher thank you when you don't feel thankful, you feel angry

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whatamess, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Preparing my younger kiddos end-of-year teacher thank you's/gifts. However, for my difficult child, I find myself unable to thank his teacher who had a hand in him missing out on a quarter of his school year.
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2011
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    If you don't feel like giving a gift, it is not a gift. I wouldn't do it.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    We don't do teacher gifts. The reason being... The kids try to outdo one another (well, actually, it's not the kids, it's their parents).

    But the teachers love something like a small note from the kids. Besides - it doesn't clutter as much!
  4. ready2run

    ready2run New Member

    gifts are optional. opt out. maybe a card thanking them for all their 'help' and 'concern' and for allowing difficult child so much time off on his little 'vacation'...lol. sorry, i know it's not funny. i am not giving my kids ea anything. she pisses me off.
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    I don't do end of year gifts. This year I did have pang of guilt about that because DD1's teacher was AWESOME, but I've got more important things to deal with, and I'm broke this time of year. I always give token gifts before the Holidays (lately it's gift cards) and have the kids write/sign a quick note - even if I HATE the teacher. But every year is different.

    If the teacher was that horrible, I would not spend another second worrying about it, and just don't do it.

    Depending on your personality, school situation, community ramifications, etc, I would consider writing a "thank you" in appreciation of her making a bad situation worse. Even if you tear it up, it might make you feel better.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    If you don't feel thankful than a card and gift are not necessary. How many people give year end thank-yous/gifts? I would say not many so your not giving one will not even be noticed.

    I believe I have only given one thank you note to a teacher at the end of the year. I had always been involved in watching kids so the teachers could go out to lunch for Teacher Appreciation. I also provided a poster board for each class to decorate on that day as a thank you and the PTL would pitch in a gift (plant or something) from all parents.

    The note I gave was actually a letter to difficult child's 5th grade teacher. That was our year of nightmares. I truely do not think we could have come through it without her support. I thanked her for her belief in both difficult child and myself and for her patience and kindness. I also think the fact that my kids grew up in that school so she really did know that difficult child's behavior that year was not who he was or wanted to be helped A LOT. If we had someone who did not know us, that person may have been hard on us thinking that it was a behavior problem based on poor parenting. She knew better! :)
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Gifts are totally optional. It is perfectly find to not give one to his teacher even if you are to the other teachers. Some years Wiz REFUSED to give gifts to his teachers because how they treated him. We had one who had a parent confront me over why I did not give her a gift for the holidays, end of the year or teacher appreciation week. This parent was very active in getting this teacher to strongly dislike me and take it out on Wiz, and she was told that if I were to give her anything it would be to have her served with papers suing her for driving my 7yo second grader to suicide attempts. She shut up VERY fast and went away from me as fast as she could. She only came up because the teacher pointed to me and told her to go ask where her gift was (within my hearing and that of several of my friends!).

    You do not now or ever owe anyone a gift. Esp a teacher.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    If you don't feel good about offering a thank you gift, don't do it. And don't feel bad about NOT doing it. The teacher won't notice, and surely doesn't expect it.
  9. I seriously doubt this person expects a thank you gift or note from you. Why even think about wasting your money?

    My son had a teacher who I suspect was instrumental in getting him expelled and I would cut off my right hand before thanking her for anything. [In fact, I fantasized for months about walking away while she lay freezing in the snow. "I'm going to give you exactly as much help as you gave my son -- none! -- and you're lucky I don't kick you." Yeah, I'm not a nice person.] So, to answer the question, no, I wouldn't feel badly about not giving a gift or note. Perhaps she should be grateful you didn't drag in legal people and make their lives hard.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I never did thank-you gifts for teachers either, I couldn't afford it. I also tend to think that once it's become "expected," it's lost its sincerity, anyway. Of course, I feel that way about Valentine's Day, too :p
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I agree with everyone else. There really is no need....unless, perhaps, that teacher will be your childs teacher next year too. Ugh, I've been there done that. DDD

    by the way, IF you're going to have to deal with her again in the future send a card that is generic and doesn't include the words thank you. Something like a card that says have a good summer ??
  12. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I would never give a card or gift to anyone I did not have respect or whom I did not want to thank. As a teacher I don't expect it and actually if one of my kids , that I knew were not fond of me, gave me a gift, I would know it was not sincere.
    I won't participate in those silly secret Santa things at Christmas because often you end up having to give to someone you otherwise would not. I give gifts to people who I want to give gifts to.
    Don't feel bad or guilty-she did not help you child!
  13. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A young friend of mine posted on FB (not about me!), "If you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it."

    Hold that thought.

  14. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I feel as though difficult child's teacher was a lazy, good for nothing who missed so much time throughout the year and was NEVER caught up on anything. I am not the only parent who has a kid in his class that feels this way.

    He has done nothing for difficult child and I will give him nothing.

    easy child teacher will get something small and a nice card from easy child.
  15. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    It has been a difficult year and I so wish I felt differently and could thank this person for the nice things she did do, but there are too many lies and missteps that I can't see past them to offer thanks... glad you understand...
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It is important to forgive, because then YOU can move on and not let the past and other people drag you down. But forgiving does not mean forgetting, or saying it was okay to have happened.

    Or as an alleged old Arab saying goes: "Forgive the man that steals your livestock, but lock up your camels."