Teachers.... some shouldn't be

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by happymomof2, Feb 27, 2008.

  1. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    difficult child's story:
    difficult child was walking into cafeteria yesterday and heard a teach say "hey" but he didn't know he was talking to him. difficult child realized he still had his hat on and went to take it off. Teach walks up behind him and says "I don't think so" yanks his hoody of his jacket and takes his hat.
    The only problem I have with that is the yanking of the hoody. Why do these teachers feel the need to put there hands on him in any way, shape or form. Yes, if he was fighting and needed to be restrained - but I thought that was unnecessary. Teach said he could have hat back at the end of the day today.
    Well difficult child always takes things one step further which gets him into trouble. End of day he refused to get on bus until he had his hat back. He was then sent to the "warden" so she could explain the "rules". Then he got a 0 for that class so he didn't make his day. One more day of not making his day and he will be back at yellow 10. At least they aren't slamming him back to red 1.

    Also "warden" gave him a teddy bear to carry to bus - supposedly he can talk to this bear, punch this bear etc.... I got upset with that because I thought it degrading to make a 9th grader carry a bear. My son ask me not to say anything about that because it really didn't bother him.

    Not saying he was innocent in this situation - he should not have worn his hat in cafeteria and he should not have refused to get on bus.

    So I am a little upset with him and the yanking teacher. I sent a note on his point sheet asking for the name of this teacher and I will file a complaint or at least arrange a meeting with him.

    Tired of all the petty little **** and just venting.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    That does seem pretty petty of the teacher considering all of what difficult child's can do in a school day. It was only a hat. I think the teacher would have been better served "jokingly" reminding the kid to remove his hat. I doubt it would have escalated to anything.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Speaking as a substitute teacher...the guys will usually respond if asked politely. For the primary grades, I remind them that gentlemen don't wear hats inside, then they tell me they aren't gentlemen, and I respond by asking if they are popsicles, or Oreo cookies, or Goldfish crackers, when they say "no", I tell them they are young gentlemen. They laugh, hats go off, no problem.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is very inappropriate, in my humble opinion. Yanking on a student who is not fighting is not ever OK. Taking the hat, IF that is the consequence doled out by the school is OK, in my humble opinion. But the teacher had NO need to yank on a child. None.

    Why did they give him a bear to talk to? Maybe it is a good strategy for when he is angry, but a NINTH grader?? What planet is this school on??? Do they REALLY think he will talk to it, hit it, whatever in front of others?

    The warden, is this a vice principal, principal, ed teacher, who? I would want to meet with the teacher, warden, principal, and then maybe the Superintendent of Schools.

    It really serves NO purpose to humiliate a child, esp at, well, at any age.

    I do remember one of my daughter's teachers saying that she (teacher) would only believe half of what the child says about the parent if the parent will only believe half of what the child says about the teacher.

    How are we to teach our children proper anger management and to keep their hands to themselves if the teachers won't?

    I would, however, be stone cold furious about the bear. At 14 their image of themselves is so fragile, they don't need to be set up for harrassment and bullying by an adult!!

    What if your son dresses the bear in "goth" or other style clothing? Personally I would make it a Harley bear if he was forced to carry it, or a theme based on something from Hot Topic or wherever. I would also ask that the Yanking teacher be made to carry one so he/she can yank on the bear instead of my child!

    Could he carry a rubber skeleton or stuffed plush skeleton instead of the bear? This isn't quite what I had in mind, but it is an example : http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=5834.0

    This is a bit "cutesier" than what I had in mind, but also an example: http://item.express.ebay.com/Toys-H...dnZBearsQQptdiZ899QQddiZ1290QQcmdZExpressItem

    MAybe this Felix the cat dressed up as a skeleton? http://www.cartooncat.com/index.cfm/fa/items.main/parentcat/10084/subcatid/0/id/115820

    This has a whole page of skelanimals: http://www.entertainmentearth.com/h...=0&pg=0&orsearch=0&wrid=0&tree=0&sort=0&new=0

    I would STRONGLY caution AGAINST naming the skeleton or dressing it like a teacher! Just to protect your son.

    Maybe a stuffed vampire? Just anything so he is less likely to be bullied.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Just thinking of the problems you can get into when you name toys in school - remember the teacher whose naming of a class teddy bear got her deported from the country where she had been a popular teacher for a number of years?

    Personally, if I had been the kid with the bear, I would have made a noose for it; and that would probably have got me into trouble these days too.

    I remember when the deputy at difficult child 1's school was doing her utmost to get me angry with him, instead of my fury at her mishandling of a situation. She had searched his bag after he had brought his cheap throwing knives to school (an accident, but a darn stupid thing to do) and was trying to pile the fuel on the fire. She found a length of string he'd used to make a noose - it was miniature, it wouldn't have strangled a pencil. And I had seen him fiddle with bits of string and short rope at home, making a noose - it was nothing significant. Then she tried to get me angry with him because he had a VERY crumpled page from a soft-porn magazine in his bag. Judging by the degree of crumpling, it had been in his bag for most of the year, totally unregarded. He told me (in front of the teacher) who he had got it from, it was someone he was no longer associating with. I examined the page thoroughly, it was VERY mild, thoroughly air-brushed and nothing I found offensive. The teacher was trying to imply that having this in his bag meant he was likely to be molesting little kids (or similar degree of shock! horror!) so I deliberately downplayed it even further, pointing out that if she searched the bags of all the other boys in difficult child 1's grade, it would be amazing if she DIDN'T find similar material. "At least we know he's straight," I pointed out to the deputy.

    Do watch out for this behaviour in some teachers - the bad ones, in general. When they have over-reacted and escalated a situation, they will try to justify their actions by making it seem that the child really did warrant that degree of reaction; "he was cheeking me," is a common one because it's so subjective and also so hard to get witnesses to the incident after the fact, especially when a teacher is trying to rewrite the truth. And if you don't buy that line, the next thing they try will be the deflection option; "he has been very difficult lately, very disruptive and rude in class, I don't think you realise just how concerned we have been."

    I'm not saying that our kids are perfect; teachers aren't perfect either. If you're lucky, most teachers at your child's school will be honest, hard-working caring people, but as you said in the title of this post, some people should never become teachers. Those people who need someone to push around in order to feel important - they should quit the job NOW. It was having teachers like that, that made me want to become a teacher myself. I never made it into the system (they rejected me on health grounds, you need to be physically fit to be a teacher) but I had done all the training except for the final six weeks. And I have taught - adults, some special classes and individual coaching.

    I've known some wonderful teachers, and I've known some utterly awful ones. Unfortunately, the utterly awful ones often rise to a position of power within the school (official power, or unofficial) and this can bring down an entire school's standards of human dignity, despite the presence of good teachers.

    I think the ultimate message of "This woman is bad for my child," was when she read the letter I'd written to the principal (marked confidential - and this deputy opened the letter in front of me) where I had written, "he feels unsupported and has also felt harassed at times."
    She leaned over the desk to within inches from difficult child 1, who by this stage was curled into a fetal position, and shouted at him, "WHO'S been harassing you?" over and over, until he muttered, "nobody," in a tiny voice, at which point she looked at me triumphantly. It had been more important to her to score points, than to consider what she was doing to difficult child 1 in the process.
    It was about that point that my mobile phone rang with a message from the correspondence school, letting me know that difficult child 1's application had been successful and he was now officially enrolled elsewhere. I announced this to the deputy, whose face went grey and whose manner changed. "Of course we don't want him to leave. And how could they accept his enrolment? I told you months ago he was ineligible for correspondence."
    She backpedalled fast, almost pleaded with us to not transfer him, told us it was an unhealthy move, he would fail, he needed their support, of course they wanted him to stay, etc. She used every wile in the book, because I knew that his transfer meant they would have to hand back the support funding they had just received from the Federal Government on his behalf.

    I could have stayed to fight. I could have really caused trouble for this woman, but as easy child 2/difficult child 2 was still at the same school, I felt it would be a bad idea to make any more waves.

    Needless to say, difficult child 1 did a lot better emotionally and academically after switching to correspondence.

    Only rarely do I dislike a teacher and their methods to such a degree, that I seriously regret not laying charges of abuse, bullying, discrimination. This was one such time. And where she is concerned, I am not alone - I think I know who that noose was meant for, metaphorically speaking.

  6. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm working with some teachers on a project at the moment. It amazes me how many are so very depressed. I think it is true that they have a very difficult job..one that is taxing...sometimes grueling...sometimes unrewarding...always tiring. Because of the difficulties, it seems reasonable to give teachers an occasional "pass" for working in sometimes very difficult circumstances. However, other people work under these circumstances and manage. We each have a responsibility to behave appropriately and whether we want to admit or not, this realy goes a little "extra" when working with children. Furthermore, we each are responsible for our own behavior and attitude and for making choices in life every day. Hopefully, we make the choice to find the good in life and to be kind to others.
    I think if this situation is of great concern to you, it probably is appropriate for you to send a note to the teacher or possibly a supervisor. If you can find it in your heart, you might try to be as kind as possible, but at the same time, make your point clear.
    Also, be sure your son is fully aware of his culpability in all of this.
    (I probably wouldn't concern myself with the bear???). As you can probably tell, I'm not real "big" on bullies and grouches.

    I guess I'm venting a tad as well! LOL! However, it does feel good. Hope it all works out well.
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I think I would be concerned if this teacher treats all students so roughly or if he has singled out the difficult children. Either way is inappropriate, however the teacher may (wrongly) feel justified if he feels difficult child is a troublemaker.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry difficult child experienced this. I would probably start by talking with the teacher first and if not satisfied then go to his supervisor. I don't like the bear thing at all for a 9th grader.