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Tears Flowing..... Unfamiliar Rehab Turf
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 635606" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Gosh I can so empathize - I have been where you are right now so many times. I too, have been searching for my beautiful little girl for so long, but she is now 40 and there is no change. Sometimes it looks like it, but I have educated myself to what her tactics are and I still ache over the "loss" of my child. I have to face the facts, that the person I loved and the one that evolved are not the same. All I can say is cry, cry and cry. You are allowed to feel bad about the situation. I know when my difficult child was 24 I still had hope that she would outgrow her personality problems - so I can understand the hope part. I do believe though, you have to acknowledge was is real change and what is too much "wishing it will change" In my situation I call it "wearing a mask" My difficult child can wear the most sincere, beautiful, loving mask, but disagree over something and that mask disappears and a really ugly one replaces it, and so it goes; on and on..................we can only get smart enough to identify if it is a mask and which one we are dealing with. And even though I know my difficult child wears them, and if I am dealing with one I like, it isn't long and the ugly one comes back out again to break my heart in a million little pieces again. The only part for me, is that I know longer show the difficult child the <em>results</em> of that because if they become <em>aware</em> that it hurts you well then they will <em>just</em> flip it because they <em>know</em> and then it is <em>oh so fun for them. </em>I don't even think that they are self-aware enough to know that the things they do hurt <em>them </em>in terms of how their lives are working out - to be able to make sincere change. There are pages and pages of on the internet for uncovering clues to both mental illness and personality disorders - if they won't fix them figure out what category <em>best describes the behavior </em>and then adjust yourself to the advice for dealing with it. I always say when we need to get through something, we do it <em>by going through it, </em>not going <em>around it.</em></p><p>Give yourself all the space you need to deal with your emotions and then pick yourself back up and try to find out the <em>what </em>you are dealing with so you can be better prepared to deal with it when it come back around. It doesn't take away the pain the next time it happens but it does take the sting out because you will have educated yourself that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 635606, member: 18366"] Gosh I can so empathize - I have been where you are right now so many times. I too, have been searching for my beautiful little girl for so long, but she is now 40 and there is no change. Sometimes it looks like it, but I have educated myself to what her tactics are and I still ache over the "loss" of my child. I have to face the facts, that the person I loved and the one that evolved are not the same. All I can say is cry, cry and cry. You are allowed to feel bad about the situation. I know when my difficult child was 24 I still had hope that she would outgrow her personality problems - so I can understand the hope part. I do believe though, you have to acknowledge was is real change and what is too much "wishing it will change" In my situation I call it "wearing a mask" My difficult child can wear the most sincere, beautiful, loving mask, but disagree over something and that mask disappears and a really ugly one replaces it, and so it goes; on and on..................we can only get smart enough to identify if it is a mask and which one we are dealing with. And even though I know my difficult child wears them, and if I am dealing with one I like, it isn't long and the ugly one comes back out again to break my heart in a million little pieces again. The only part for me, is that I know longer show the difficult child the [I]results[/I] of that because if they become [I]aware[/I] that it hurts you well then they will [I]just[/I] flip it because they [I]know[/I] and then it is [I]oh so fun for them. [/I]I don't even think that they are self-aware enough to know that the things they do hurt [I]them [/I]in terms of how their lives are working out - to be able to make sincere change. There are pages and pages of on the internet for uncovering clues to both mental illness and personality disorders - if they won't fix them figure out what category [I]best describes the behavior [/I]and then adjust yourself to the advice for dealing with it. I always say when we need to get through something, we do it [I]by going through it, [/I]not going [I]around it.[/I] Give yourself all the space you need to deal with your emotions and then pick yourself back up and try to find out the [I]what [/I]you are dealing with so you can be better prepared to deal with it when it come back around. It doesn't take away the pain the next time it happens but it does take the sting out because you will have educated yourself that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! [/QUOTE]
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