teen daughter and boyfriend

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Moving, Aug 25, 2008.

  1. Moving

    Moving New Member

    Following being involved in youth group, 4-H, and horse back riding:

    my 15 (16 Sept. 11) daughter became involved with a same age boy the end of her Freshman year while she was 14. On November 8, 2007, her geometry teacher told me that the look on her face each time her boyfriend whispered something in her ear was so bad that he "was going to report this for emotional abuse counseling" if it did not stop. The English teacher told me she was crying in class all of the time. My daughter denies any abuse by the boy but the notes I have read suggset subtle hints of emotional abuse. It is a relationship that has ended up with a lot of lying, no contact orders, a suspension from school, none of the above activities, detention center twice, and acting out at home beyond anything I could have imagined. Our home is for sale now, my daughter did not wish to return to the school and we are moving from a small town. The boy's parents find difficulty in believing their son is involved in the outcomes and are the onest that pressed trespassing charges sending her off. She meanwhile is addicted to the relationship.
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2008
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am very sorry. This sounds like a very bad relationship. Makes me wonder about the parents relationship. Not yours, the boy's parents. It is sad that the other parents say, "My son couldn't do THAT." It makes sure that the boy won't get help and learn how to be a better partner and person.

    It truly stinks to have to move to help your daughter end a relationship. It speaks volumes about your love for her that you are going to this extreme measure to help her.

    I don't have advice to help specifically, other than to say to keep posting. Other parents will have ideas and suggestions.

    If you could do a signature it would help. It is the info at the bottom about your family - this helps us keep everyone straight in our heads. You go to the User CP at the top of the page and click through there to set the signature up. Info that could directly identify you shouldn't be there - last names, addresses, phone numbers, etc... Here is a link to the thread in the FAQ section about signatures: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=7

    One thing that will help you as you continue to get help for your daughter is to have a Parent Report. It is a way to keep everything organized. It also helps you communicate with the professionals in your and her lives. It will take time to complete, and is best done if you take it in chunks. Here is alink to that, also in the FAQ section: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10

    Has your daughter been diagnosed with anything? What kinds of docs and counsellors has she seen? Has she had any testing? Is she on an IEP? All of this will help us give you support and ideas. Have you consulted a domestic violence shelter for help in this issue? They would be of great help, I think, in showing her that this really IS abuse. They also provide free counselling and all sorts of other types of support. Look for one in your area, or near your new home (best to be near the new home I would think).

    Sending gently hugs,

  3. Moving

    Moving New Member

    Thank you,
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, sounds like a really bad situation. I am so warmed by the fact you would move for your child. I think it is awesome! A really, really great sacrifice for your child.

    I hope you get your daughter into counseling. I am betting she will be revealing some facts about the relationship that will startle you. Hold on and be there for her.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    sounds like there are lots of serious details in that story that would lead to suspensions, detention centers, and finally moving the family.

    I would imagine, since you've been at this awhile, that your daughter is seeing a doctor or a therapist? Has she been in counseling? What does she think about moving? All this transpired in a year or so?

    Prior to this relationship, were there any signs of obsessive behavior with your daughter? Any difficulties with her or with school?

    I'm sorry that you are having to move because of all of this, but admire that you would provide your daughter a fresh start somewhere else while moving the rest (?-or there other children or a spouse?) of the family.

    Welcome to the board. Please follow smallworld's advice and do a signature.

  6. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry you are facing this. I hope your daughter gets a fresh start after the move.

    Good luck!
  7. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    How sad. I hope the move gives her a fresh start

  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I really admire you! What a wonderful mom you've got to be to move for her!

    I can only hope to be that strong!

    Welcome to the group!