Teen girl aspie?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrsstanley, Aug 6, 2013.

  1. mrsstanley

    mrsstanley New Member

    My daughter is 17 and was just recently diagnosed with conduct disorder which I think is ridiculous. She just came home from the detention center after a few month stay in a group home. She has never had a friend more than a week, she cuts herself, makes up the worst lies ever and is verbally aggressive. My son is 14 and has AS and he is textbook, very mild mannered, shy and speaks his mind. Very logical, etc etc. So I keep wondering if she has been overlooked so to speak. The social part with her I believe come with the lies. Like she wants to talk to this person and tries to relate. For example: She wants to talk to her counselor so she tells the counselor she was almost raped. She liked to talk to the drug and alcohol counselor and now he's treating her for addiction (which I don't believe). She runs away and tells everyone I beat her, when she found she's asked where the bruises are, so the next time she beats her face with a doorknob so she has bruises. Although these examples are extreme..but true, I see the lack of social cues and not knowing how to communicate, and its logical if you're going to tell people that she's abused, she should have proof. A better logical example is she wore my pants to school one day, they told her they were too long and she couldn't wear them again, so she cut them to fit her height. Maybe I'm grabbing at straws here, but I need to figure this out. If they're not going to diagnose her with something that is at least believable, I need to research ... get tips ... I'm just stuck and not sure where to go from here.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome to the board. I'm sorry you have to be here though. I do have a spectrum son who is now almost twenty and, like your son, very mild-mannered.

    Truthfully, lying is not really a trait of Aspeger. She may very well be on the spectrum, but sounds like more is going on than that. It does sound like she has no clue about social norms and girls with Aspergers often get overlooked. The making stuff up to that degree and to get people in trouble is not very Aspie-like. Most Aspies are pretty truthful. Who diagnosed her? Has she seen a neuropsychologist? That would be my recommendation, espescially at her age. Are you in the US?

    Others will come along. Lots of us have Aspies. Sorry you are having trouble. Hope we can help.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If your gut says conduct disorder isn't a fit, you are probably right.

    Some of what you describe might be related to Aspie/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but other things are not. Doesn't mean she isn't on the spectrum, but rather that she might have more than one diagnosis. Things like "cutting" are not part of the spectrum, but could be things like bi-polar, for example. I'm not familiar with those symptoms or what they mean.

    But she definitely needs help. And a conduct disorder label isn't going to help.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you have your handsful, sorry to say. Honestly a complete neuropsychological examination (often six hours or more involving multiple tests) has proven to be most helpful for many of us. There is no physical exam involved and quite often the testing is done by a team with different specialists administering specific areas. The N/P is not cheap and often is not covered by insurance. on the other hand I strongly suggest you try to get one scheduled . Welcome, by the way, glad you found us but sorry you had to. Hugs DDD
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    neuropsychologist isn't the only option for testing. The team approach is more often found in childrens' hospitals or teaching hospitals, sometimes called a "child behavioral/developmental clinic" or other similar names. Sometimes excellent results come from PhD-level child psychologists with a specialty and experience in testing. Any one of these may or may not be covered by your insurance, but sometimes one is covered when another is not. Just some ideas.
  6. mrsstanley

    mrsstanley New Member

    We see her counselor tomorrow and I will ask about testing, but honestly I'm concerned she will lie through that! I hate to say it but sometimes I think she's a sociopath. husband is bipolar so I don't see those signs, but something (add emphasis) is going on! I don't want a label, I want a diagnosis. I believe its the start for success ... right now we're doing DBT group therapy and its helping me at least lol. I'll update tomorrow after our appointment. Thank you for the replies!!
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Kinda late to start of the appointment. is tomorrow, but ... you could work on a "parent report" - a way to collect everything you already know, from previous evaluations, to your own observations over time. What was she like as a baby, toddler, etc. A "report" tends to have more impact on doctors and evaluators than "parent opinion", even though it's from the same source. There's a format for this in site resources, but I don't remember what it's called... I just look for a recent post by susiestar, because she keeps the link in her signature.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you aware that Aspergers is more common in bipolar families? That was a new one I just learned!

    Go with your gut, but see the neuropsychologist because a therapist is really not the best one to see all the nuances in the issues. Then do the best you can. Many kids have "iffy" diagnosis. CD is not supposed to be dxd. until eighteen. Some kids are not diagnosable (adults too). I am one of them. Just do the best you can to learn how to help her, get interventions, use medications if needed and manage the behavior (and teach coping skills).

    Hugs and keep us posted!!
  9. mrsstanley

    mrsstanley New Member

    well well well ... I was on the internet for awhile last night and one of the bigger searches I was doing was about DBT therapy. We attended about 8 sessions when my daughter was in a group home but no one there was there because they wanted to be so it was hard to absorb the information, but I liked it nonetheless. So we went to our first "willing" session on Tuesday and I got more out of that session than I had in the previous 8. It really is a great therapy for certain situations. So while I'm searching about DBT it kept referring back to borderline personality disorder and so I looked further into that. Boom. It was text book. There was no way I had any doubt that my daughter had Borderline (BPD). So I was going in today with my attitude ready in case I needed it and with my finger on my speed dial of another psychiatrist in case I needed that too. My hubby just shook his head at me but when I'm determined its doubtful you can change my mind and I just knew in my heart this was it. Now Borderline (BPD) has no medication therapy and there is no magic anything ... one of the better and most recommended treatments in DBT and the more I think about it, the more I can see why. So I went in and told the psychiatrist what my findings were. I reiterated to him that I was in no way shape or form looking for "better" medication for her but I needed a REAL diagnosis to make sure that we were on the correct path for her to succeed. He didn't even bat an eye when he completely agreed with me. Not only about the Borderline (BPD) but also some aspie traits as well. Now our psychiatric doesn't have a great table side manner so I left it at that and we talked about DBT that we're already doing and her sleep patterns. Then we went on to the counselor who I absolutely love! She doesn't sit there and coddle like all the other counselors in the past have done ... she tells her the way it is but in a professional way. So I asked about the lying especially and its just about attention. She just wants the attention and she will look for any way to get it. She will cry for attention. She will scream for attention. She will do whatever means necessary just to have the focus on her. Which I already knew but didn't know ... if you Know what I mean? :) ... so I'm not at a loss here. I am not upset although the outlook for most with Borderline (BPD) isn't all that great I am still confident that as long as we continue therapy and reach for the stars that we will ALL succeed. We just have to work together and I am not hoping for the best. I am expecting the best because that's all I have right now. Without that I am not sure what else I have ... I am so glad to have found this site. Its not only great to have people to lean on and get advice from, its going to be a heck of a place for my 2a venting sessions!
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have borderline traits. I love DBT. Along with the old cognitive therapy, it has almost made me normal...lol. I'm serious though. It takes a lot of work and determination, but you can turn your whole life around, learn to deal with your expected moodswings, and treat people kindly. There is a lot of hope for borderline these days. The hardest part is getting somebody with borderline to agree to treatment...that something is wrong.

    If your daughter acknowledges that she doesn't like the way her life is heading or her inability to stay in control, DBT is KING. The biggest key as to whether or not a borderline will improve is if she agrees with the diagnosis and works very hard. There are also many good self-help books for borderlines and I've read them all. Just look at Amazon. by the way, borderline and other mental health issues often co-exist. I have a mood disorder and am on medications and they have helped me to the extreme. So she may have something else going on too.

    One thing about borderlines...they tend to be compulsive liars. I used to make up stories and don't even know why I did it. It puzzled even me. I didn't try to get people in trouble; I tried to make my emptiness inside hidden from others by making up things about myself. When my sister, who I loved very much, called me out on the silly lies, I abruptly stopped and that's when my treatment kicked into full swing. I was able to stop the story telling right away and today I am almost TOO honest...lol. But compulsive lying is a big red flag for borderline. Now if it is VICIOUS lying, the borderline is worse. There is a spectrum. Other traits, which I didn't have but am aware of, are jumping from relationship to relationship, substance abuse, and violence. That is the extreme end of it. I did share a fright of being abandoned/left alone, which is another huge borderline trait. I am better now, but it's still there a little.

    There is a book for caregivers of borderlines as well. It's called "Walking on Eggshells." I started reading it and feel it is very helpful to Mom. by the way, vent to your heart's content. We all understand :)