Teenage daughter losing friends

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Amy2012, Jul 28, 2012.

  1. Amy2012

    Amy2012 New Member

    Hello. This is in regard to my 16 yr. old daughter. She has had 2 real good friends these last 2 years of high school. Out of the blue, about 2 weeks ago, they quit calling her. In fact, most of her friends she's always talking to have quit texting, calling, asking her to do things, etc. I've asked her what has happened, and she says 'nothing'. She is the type, also, to 'bull up' and not text or contact them at all to try and make things better. When I tell her to ask them what's going on, she says "mom, stop". I've worried myself so much that it's really stressing me out. School begins in 3 weeks, and I'm already worried about who she will hang out with at lunch, before school, etc. I just can't figure out what has happened. She's always had about 5-6 different friends she saw off and on and now, they're out of the picture. She is seeing an out-of town boy, but he came about AFTER this all began with the friends. I guess maybe I'm more worried than she seems. I dwell on this 24/7......crazy, I know. I have an older son and NEVER had any problems of this sort with him.....the big difference between boys and girls. Should I just let this go and stop bringing it up?? Thanks for letting me 'vent'.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Teenagers hate it when parents meddle. If she's not worried about it, then you shouldn't worry about it. I would definitely keep track of who she IS hanging around with and texting and calling. Is this boy a "good" kid? Are these friends "good" kids? Is that the only problem you have with her right now? Has there been a change in her behavior? That is a hard age and their interests change as often as the wind does. They are trying to find their niche and sometimes people that have been okay aren't anymore. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless you see a change in her behavior as well or the new friends aren't the type you want her to associate with. THEN you might have a problem.
  3. Amy2012

    Amy2012 New Member

    Thank you TeDo. She acts like she's not worried, but then will turn around and say things like "well, I have nothing else to do", or "nobody is texting me, so I'm just going to hang out with 'boyfriend'". That's when it bothers me. I just don't know if SHE has done something or said something to these girls, or if it's just the girls "being girls".......ha. These girls are all good. I'm friends with all of their parents. The boyfriend seems really nice. As far as her behavior, she seems to be the same. This literally came out of the blue. One week, she was busy every day, and the next week.......nothing. Facebook doesn't help. I can see what all these girls are doing together, and so can she. It's just a mystery to me. I'm a BIG worry-wart as it is, so I'm thinking of all kinds of scenarios, thinking of the past history these girls had, wondering WHAT happened, etc. About the time I've decided to quit worrying and thinking about it, she goes and says something to bring it all back up.......:sad-very:
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    If you're friends with the parents, you could always ask them if they've heard the girls say anything. Tell them you're wondering what happened and your daughter won't say anything. That might put YOUR mind at ease. When she says "no one's texting me" you can reply "I don't see you texting anyone either".
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This advice is coming from my sixteen year old daughter who is very socially "in the know."

    First of all, she said "leave her alone. She's sixteen. Let her handle her own problems with her friends. Don't bring it up even if she brings it up." She says it's annoying when parents try to fix problems for their teens.

    She has a few possible scenarios about what could be happening. One thing she said is that she could have been hanging around with the out-of-town boyfriend before she started dating him or before you knew it and the girls could have something against him or maybe one of the girls liked him. Another thing she said (and she is a very good girl too...my daughter) is that kids don't tell their moms everything and something could have happened that she hasn't told you and doesn't want to tell you. That could be as simple as a fight with one of the girls or saying something that got one of her crowd mad.

    Bottom line from my rather well-adjusted sixteen year old teen daughter: Stay out of it.

    Me? I'm a worry wart too, but I would probably feel horrible for my kid but let her work it out. If she isn't doing anything wrong or self-medicating with drugs or talking about suicide, I think my daughter is right and that it's best to let it go. Trust me, I have to bite my own tongue A LOT!

    Hugs! :)
  6. Amy2012

    Amy2012 New Member

    Thank you Midwest Mom and your daughter! I think your daughter is right that something happened that my daughter just won't tell me, otherwise this would not be happening - (I don't think it's the boyfriend because no one knows him). Love that she said "it's annoying when parents try to fix problems for their teens" ! This is exactly how my daughter is acting toward me.....she just keeps saying 'leave it alone', and I keep wanting to talk about it. It's just hard to see/watch that no one is coming over, and she's not being invited anywhere. I've always had her friends here every other day, or she was gone to someone's house. Bottom line, I am staying quiet, especially after reading your post. Thank you!

    TeDo: I had thought about contacting one of the parents. However, I hate to fuel the fire. I'm sure even if I say "don't say anything", the parent still would. I don't know, though. Just a tough thing to go through.

    Thank you again for all the advice.....it helps. Have a great week!
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No problem. My daughter just broke up with her boyfriend of a year and they were very close. She was very depressed about it for a while and maybe it still bugs her a little, but she's moving on. She didn't like me to talk about it unless SHE brought it up. And even then, she'd finally say, "Ok, I don't want to talk about it anymore." It made me so sad to see her carrying around a blanket she made for him (he gave her all her stuff back). She was always very well liked and was turning down chances to go out with her friends. Also, she told me flat out she doesn't want another boyfriend for several years, that the breaking up part hurts too much. That made me think about her not having a date for homecoming, prom, etc. But you know what? That's what *I* want for her. She has to handle this her own way.

    Hugs again and take care :)
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Don't know what your extended family is like, but... one of my cousins from another part of the province, took one of my brothers as her "date" for the prom. He was a star football player, good looking (so was she), they made a great "couple" for her grad night, but... there was NO chance of broken hearts! (he actually had a girl-friend at the time, and she was in on the situation and didn't mind, because it was "family")
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, Insane...lots of people do that or just go with a friend. One of my friend's daughters went with a very close guy friend who is gay...lol. My daughter could get either a date or one of her many guy friends to take her. She just doesn't want a relationship right now and isn't even sure she wants to go to homecoming. Prom, yes. She wants to run for prom queen and her best guy friend (very handsome boy) is going to be her date and run with her. I guess it was fun when she had a boyfriend, however, to be honest, most of her friends are nice girls and have not had sex and don't want to and it's much harder to date in high school if you are not interested in sex at all. I should probably be glad that she has this attitude. She was lucky with her first boyfriend because he is very religious and he respected her boundaries. Most boys in that age bracket would probably keep on trying, if my memory is correct :)
  10. tkj10509

    tkj10509 New Member

    Just wanted to say thank you for everyone involved in this topic. I am new to this site - found it when searching for an answer to my problem (think I found my answer). You could not have described my daughter more if you lived with her. The only difference I have is that she is almost 19 and been dating this guy for (I think) over 4 years off and on and he is not good for her at all. Dosent hold a job - made her distance herself from her friends because he makes her choose and she cant even see that she is losing her friends mainly because of the choices she made concerning him and going back to him so many times. UGH so frustrating - I just want to fix everything and make it ok.