Teenage Son Bullied by a Sociopath

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jpar, Dec 12, 2011.

  1. Jpar

    Jpar New Member

    Our 15 year old son has gone through two years of bullying by a peer in his private school. As things got worse, we begged him to let us go in to the school and report the abuse, but he swore that if we did it would get worse. He was right! We have now come to have very strong feelings that this bully is a sociopath. We have always felt confident he had a few social issues and did not have any remorse or concience to behavior that I would describe as "evil". Just really cruel, mean stuff to my son and others.

    We reported the abuse and the school spoke to the bully and told us he claims he is your son's best friend, and while he does not deby doing any of the things we accused him of, he has a different interpretation of the events (...whatever that means) and we were told that the matter is now closed.

    We tried to get our son to leave the school, but it is a gifted and talented school, and he really feels he deserves to be there. The bully has now turned on revenge toward my son for reporting him, and he has begun to manipulate circumstances in school by getting others to ignore and isolate my son. He may as well have the Bubonic Plague, becasue the bully sure has everyone treating him that way! We can trace all forms of isolation back to the bully, but cannot find a way to document the bully as the culprit (which we have come to learn is classic sociopathic manipulation. He spread very bad rumors about my son, and told everyone his parents (me) tried to get the bully kicked out of school. Our son was right, and he is now worse off because we went in to report the abuse and the school did nothing, and while the bully knows he can't get caught again, he has changed his tactic and is manipulating the students to make life for my son miserable.

    I feel like elevating this to the authorities (dyfus, our state government...anything), and will take any advice on that. But more importantly, we have come to realize the bully is in fact a sociopath, and the more we read and learn, the more we realize just how dangerous these sociopaths can be to their vitctims.

    Can anyone please tell me how to get a sociopath off your child after they have bullied him and are continuing to ruin their life at school? Leaving the school is the obvious option, but the bully lives in town and will surely work to make our son's life miserable no matter what school he is in. How can we get a sociopath off our son's back?
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi Jpar. I don't have an answer. I do remember that my standing up to a bully ended up making him turn about three groups of kids against me and I was threatened for my life for three years. He stole things right from teh administrators office and would do things with them leaving the speaker system on to listen to him and he just got more and more mean. I would have sworn the same. I hear now he is a minister. Just unbelievable. I am still bitter so I wonder if it is a satanic cult instead but I guess young people may not be totally psychopaths.....Wouldn't have mattered at that time though, he was awful and no one could stop him.

    I am shocked they believed him, our schools do bully training and even my son who sings autistic songs that a girl took personally got called on the carpet for being a bully. (of course for him that made him say the words more and more because he just can't stop it, sigh) but really it is crazy to me they will listen to a bull say, NO, I didn't mean to bully him.... and believe it!

    Does your son have an mp3 player with a recorder on it? can he audio anything if the situation ever happens?

    I would maybe decide to involve the authorities if it continues, if he is a threat, if he is just making people be mean, ignoring him....what could they do? I just dont know. on the other hand, your son.... is he doing ok other than the obvious that most people would feel. I mean, is he actually depressed or so anxious that he can't function. You might not be able to do anything about bully boy but at least you can protect and arm your son with how to handle his feelings etc. Even if it means getting a therapist.

    Does your school do a bully prevention program? Can you ask the school board? Maybe they can even help????

    Gosh, I am so sorry.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, I want to give you feedback, but I'm not sure how.

    Is your child one with special issues? Our kids are special issue kids/high maintenance. We are not a site that tells people what to do about their "typical" kid problems so I think a lot of us are confused. Why does this other child pick on yours? Is he awkward or different? Do they not have anti-bullying laws in your school? If so, I would push that to the max or even call the cops, especially if your child has special needs. Somebody should be looking out for him.

    If the school will do nothing, I think it is worth it to take your child out of that school and put him in a different one, even if he is gifted and talented (which does NOT mean he has no special needs). in my opinion his mental health would come first. in my opinion it is not helpful to label the other boy a sociopath although it's always TEMPTING :) when one is picking on OUR precious child. I would focus more on the situation and how to change it, even if it's not a complete win/win for your son.

    Any extra info about Son would be very helpful!

    Welcome to the board, but sorry you had to come here.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You might lookup ways to handle bullies, but I don't know that much will work with a sociopath. I do think that you need to get your son into a more healthy environment where he isn't bullied - this IS bullying no matter hwat the school says about it being "over".

    I would push for the school to do soemthing about bullying, but I don't know if you can make a private school do it. Your son may not like it, but you ahve to figure out if it is in his best interst to stay where he is a target of this boy or if a new school would be better. Maybe skipping a grade owuld help, or a school in a nearby area?

    MWM has good questions. this isn't a typical question or something we deal with a lot, so my ideas may not be helpful. I sure owuld push the shcool to do something about the isolation of your son - they have NO business allowing that type o bullying to happen. I am willing to bet this kid has also bullied the admin or his parents have. So ti may take a lot of work to get them to act.

    If nothing else, see a lawyer about your son's rights in this situation. I don't now that dyfus, etc... will do much. A recorder to catch this other kid on tape might be helfpul but it might not.

    It sounds like you need a lawyer to help you and your son.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    National Bullying Prevention Center

    This is a national bullying center and Ellen DeGeneres appeared at their annual event. PACER is a parent advocacy center for educational rights. and they are based in MN but they consult nationally and are leading the way in bullying.

    Maybe there is something here that you and your son can find useful. You may call them too. They have advocates to consult with
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Private school = parents control the $$.
    Is there a parent council?
    Are you friends .with other parents in the school?
    Is anyone else having this problem?

    If there is an underlying tacit acceptance of bullying by the school staff, and other parents are seeing the same thing, then it is possible to band together as parents, and make more waves together than you can individually
  7. Jpar

    Jpar New Member

    Thanks Susie,
    We actually did see a lawyer, and he has actually handled a few of the most highest profile bullying cases in our state, so we were in good hands and he helped us draft a letter to the school, documenting everything and excepts from texts I recieved from my son during the school day, which would break any parents heart if you heard them. So we are least on record with the school should my son actually be harmed further or hamrs himself.
    But in the end, the lawyer told us in a private school, they can really do whatever they want, so long as the law was not broken. Bullying is always a gray area, becasue it is impossible often to prove, especially when the bullying is not physical.
  8. Jpar

    Jpar New Member

    A few kids in theis school, and the bully's previous school have acknowledged he is very cruel and picks victims and really works to manipulate others to isolate the victim. So we know he has a reputation. But the private schools really want all of this type of bad PR swept under the rug. They'd rather have us quietly go than try to take on the bully and his parents. We have discussed with a few parents and all say the same thing...."we are not sure who this kids rabbi is in the school, but the family definatley has some hge correction, becasue the kid has been busted for many incidents and lives on.
  9. Jpar

    Jpar New Member

    I will look into this. Keep in mind, we alrady did everything we could to prevent, and get the bully in trouble. My main concern for the post is that now it has really dawned on me that this kid is most likely, and I dont say this lightly, a sociopath. He is without feelings for others, and is maipulative and evil, and he is a cameleon, and blends so well into the fabric of the student body and can bs his parents and the school administrators. But his victims really feel his evil intentions and wrath. I need to learn how to deal with a sociopath, becasue they never just let their vitims off....they need to put them under and keep up the cruelty until they break, or in this case move out of the school. Again, I recognize this is not the best place to learna bout experince on this matter, but thought I'd see if anyone knows how to deal with a teenage sociopath. Many thanks though!!
  10. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    This link was posted by someone else a few months ago. It might help you. Welcome to the home page of Psychopath-Research

    I'm not sure what the difference between a sociopath and psychopath is or if this link can help stop bullying.

    Good luck