Teenage Steps

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by HunnyBunny, May 22, 2017.

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  1. HunnyBunny

    HunnyBunny New Member

    Greetings! I'm new to this site and I really just need some guidance.
    My husband and I have been together for going on 7 yrs. He has 2 children from a previous marriage, and I have 1 from a previous relationship. Ss is 14, sd is 17 and my biodaughter is 8.

    My skids have been through hell with-bm and her new husband ,and so much so, that the biofamily (bm's mother/sister/stepf/father...etc) have gone through financial crisis, familial discord and separation, illness..just to name a few.

    My relationship with skids started rocky, because we only saw them eow, but 2 years ago- they moved in with us full time. Sd and ss revealed their bm/stepfathers inability to financially stabilize, drug usage, alcohol abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse...the list goes on.

    Thing is, I've an amazing relationship with my sd. I've tried to bond somehow with ss14, but he's actively disinterested. He barely acknowledges me, defies me when no-one is around, ignores me and talks to his bm all the time on the phone. He's non-emotional. At all. I saw him cry once: because his daddy grounded him from his cell phone. He's antisocial, won't make friends, but ironically has a "girlfriend " with whom he's constantly messaging, and has his face stuck in his phone. His grades are awful, and I've tried to help him, and he pretends that he cares, but the results are that he didn't care at all. His attitude is 'quit if it gets too hard.' His father tries to talk to, encourage him, but the kid still doesn't try to change anything. This kid "acts"sad, and his dad feels bad because he couldn't be an active part of their lives when bm left and took the kids 4 hrs away. We've been made clearly aware that bm has influenced this little boy so much that it's obvious he's afraid to have a relationship with me. It's like an overly aggressive loyalty bond. I don't know how to cope with this. I love these kids very very much, but it's frustrating.
     
  2. Praecepta

    Praecepta Active Member

    FYI - Some people like me can understand better if you don't use codes (ss14, Sd, skids, etc.) I gave up on trying to read your post.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I understand.

    I think it is hard to be a step. It took my kids forever to accept my husband. Remember kids love their parents no matter how lacking they are or you think they are. Parental love from kids takes a long time to earn. Sometimes it doesn't ever come for reasons out of your control.

    My son is divorced. When mother moved he moved to be near his son. He bought a house there. Your husband did not have to be do far and he could have fought for more time. My son demanded 50/50 in court. I am not meaning to criticizing hub, but his kids don't know him do well. It will take time to build a relationship for both of you. Mom raised them. Of course she has a the major influence. Lay back and relax. Don't try to get do involved. Wait until/unless ss is ready to embrace you. This is not something you can force. You can not replace Mom even if you are terrific. Good luck!