teenager driving me crazy


New Member

Hi Everyone,
I have a child who has been diagnosed with adhd and defiant behavior disorder. My life has been miserable the last 3 years. He has had many charges in court. He drinks and does drugs. I guess my issue is the courts dont recognize adhd and behavior disorders as a medical condition.

It is a very real disorder just like any other.The sad part is he realizes he has a problem. He doesnt know why he cant stay out of trouble.

What can I do?


Well-Known Member
Does he take his medications and try hard? These are real disorders, but if our kids won't help themselves then, in my opinion, it's on them. I have a daughter who drug abused from age 12 on up and was on probation twice. Whose fault was it? in my opinion it was hers. She is clean now, and that is her success too. Not everyone with disorders is in trouble with the law. Some comply with their treatment too. Not trying to be hard on you, but maybe you are trying to excuse him because he has ADHD. He has to know that drinking and drug abuse will only get him into trouble and he still does it. Yes, he has control. If my daughter could stop, and she did every drug under the sun, then he doesn't have to do it either.
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. My daughter refused to help herself and at eighteen we had to make her leave. The police kept dropping by, and I had two younger kids...had to think of them too. Plus the stealing, the swearing, the raging, etc...you probably know the routine. She wouldn't go to rehab. I hope your son stops drug abusing before my daughter did. When she looks back she can't believe the way she lived. It's scary to talk to her about it.


New Member
Welcome Trissa!

I'm sorry to hear about your teens legal trouble. Have you heard of drug courts? If you have HBO, check ou the special they have on this. I have "on demand" so I can check this out by looking at specials and documentaries I believe. Anyways, drug courts are intended to get people rehabilitated by special programs offered to only drug courts. This helps keep the prison system from overloading because often times people who do drugs do illegal activities to keep in their drug habit. If the system can rehabilitate someone, they don't wind up a statistic.

If your area doesn't have this, but a larger city close by does, ask if your sons venue can be changed to the larger city for this reason. Sometimes it can!

I hope things get better for you and for him!


New Member
I appreciate what all of you had to say.In a way yes I try to excuse what he does. On the other hand today was the first time I have seen my son cry because he doesnt remember anything.

I asked the hospital he is going to for therapy why he cant stay out of trouble. My son asked me why he cant stay out of trouble? Is he that much of a loser? The response I recieved was because there are different levels of adhd. There are mild and severe. As well as I am sure he has conduct disorder which will be verified one way or the other Sept 14th.

I guess in my mind I cant figure out how if he knows he will get in trouble why he repeats it. Wouldnt the normal person realize what will happen and stop? I also didnt tell you alcohol runs in his dads family. Also they do say disorders lead to substance abuse. I am hoping with all my heart he will change.

I just had a baby June 17th. My first child is 16 and my 2nd a newborn. I am 37 years old. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 28 weeks. We have suffered loss of employment due to bankruptcy of my husbands job. Right now you could all be right.I am just emotionally drained and heartbroke. This just added the icing on the cake.


Well-Known Member
Hon, I didn't mean he was "typical." He's not. My daughter isn't. He will have to fight with all he has, and the poor kid is probably tired of fighting. BUT...with proper use of medications and therapy he CAN improve and stop getting into THAT kind of trouble and maybe if you tell him that, over and over again, he'll believe you. I had such a troubled childhood myself--bipolar/anxiety disorder/panic disorder--I had no impulse control at all, but I didn't break the law and I was afraid to even attempt getting drunk. I figured I'd be a hopeless drunk if I did, and I was screwed up enough.This mindset probably saved me from alcoholism because bipolars REALLY substance absue, but I didn't. I also highly recommend taking him to Cognitive Behavioral THerapy. It's the ONLY kind of therapy that I feel is useful. It changed my life, along with the medications. You may want to get him another evaluation too. Maybe he has more than ADHD and ADHD stims could be making him MORE rather than LESS impulsive. Some sort of effort has to come from him, but I agree he could use better help. If he doesn't remember something (and I'm not sure I buy it--having a druggie daughter who tells me 'never trust a druggie'--that could just be a way to get out of trouble), then I'd get a Neurological workup too. It's not normal at all to have blackouts, unless he was drinking so much he had a drunken blackout. I really wouldn't try to make excuses for him--it will encourage him to think "poor me." We had to play hardball with my daughter in order for her to change. She never got any formal diagnosis., although she was in therapy, but I strongly suspect ADHD and mild bipolar disorder, but she's doing GREAT now and isn't taking any medications. She even quit smoking!!!! (and I mean cigarettes, not pot...lol). Your son sounds a lot like my daughter--keeps screwing up, but he has a good heart and is sorry for what he does. The next step is to get him into treatment that will actually HELP him (so far nothing is) and see if he's willing to try very hard to learn why he does what he does and to change his behavior. Trust me, hon, I've been there!!! My daughter was a MESS. Every time I saw a police car, I shivered, wondering if they were stopping at our house. If you ever want to talk, send me a PM. I always like to give parents hope. I thought our daughter would end up in jail or dead, and yesterday she called me from her work (she is the Manager of a Fannie Mae Candy Store) and she was complaining about her irresponsible teenage employees...lol. My daughter was as bad a difficult child as you can get. She now admits she tried every drug under the sun, including heroin once. THat she's clean is a miracle. Big hugs and prayers to you. I would sit down with son and, to the best of your ability to communicate with him, ask if he's on board to go to a rehab and really change his life. Sounds like you love him lots and lots.


Active Member
I was told when ant was about 16 (by the court) that they do not care if they have ADHD or anything else. if they break the law, they are prosecuted/ period. there is no break for this stuff.

ant also pushes the limit even knowing the consequences, he says at the time he doesnt think about the result. he just impulsively does what he feels.

drugs make them make even more stupid decisions.

I wish I had more help for your son, I know I tried everything I knew to try wtih mine and he is still headed for jail again. thing is I cannot control his actions.

be sure to get help for yourself as well so you can stay tough thru this all. hope you checked into the sites mentioned such as
and gopsst.org