Teens and Kids at Weddings....

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
I'm working on this with O and J...

Took J to the Greek Festival today. Man. By the time we left I thought I was going to have one less child. It was somewhat crowded, but not bad - we got there early. Talking very loudly, swinging his arms, not watching where he was going (he DID, however, apologize to everyone he bumped into - at least 15 people). Picking up everything. Went to the port-a-potty and then, when using the hand sanitizer, got 4 HUGE squirts, wiped it all over his shirt and shorts, then tried to go back for more. Mama Step, well, stepped in, there. (My Mom got to him when he spit out a huge, half-chewed hunk of gyro because he didn't like the onions - that we had taken off - on the ground.)

He's been to a few nice restaurants, but has no idea how to act. He's bored, so it's Center.Of.Attention. time... And he talks very loudly on a good day. His hearing's fine - husband and father in law do it too. So... We're working on that at home, as well. But we have to go out sometimes - so he gets exposed to different cultures, etc.

O... Knows how to act in a decent restaurant, at least mostly. It's center of attention time for her, too, but it's not as overt. The worst used to be she'd put her head down on the table and kick others... Never at home, always when we were out. That got stopped - we simply told her if she couldn't behave, she'd miss out. Now it's mostly teensy stuff, like not speaking up when ordering, forgetting the napkin on the lap - teachable, remindable moments. Not in-your-face annoying.

That said... Last time husband and I went to a wedding... mother in law watched both kids. And kids were welcome at that one...
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
I think this goes back to the assumption that people have to believe you and George over there have ABSOLUTELY no common sense and even LESS practicality when it comes to raising your children. To me? It says blatently - "I belive you are an idiot, and would NOT know that during my VIDEO TAPED wedding that if your child became fussy you would NOT have the where with all or common courtesy to get up, take your child out of the sanctuary, or tea room, or Gran Duchess CC Ballroom and allow MY I mean OUR special day to continue because I'm going to have this video /DVD and play it over and over and over for the rest of MY er.....I mean oops OUR lives. And besides Mummy and Daddy may or may not be footing the bill for my er......(oops again) OUR wedding. and I want EVERTYHING perfect."

See to me? When I got married I asked EVERYONE to come - EVERYONE. When people started saying "Well have to get a sitter." I said "Why - she's family too, if you want a night out - get a sitter, if not bring her I'm sure there will be enough people to oogle over her and pass her around and love her." So they brought the baby. Then the question "Well what if she cries?" ------Well then we just hang on for a minute until you get her taken care of and proceed, she's family. Honestly.......it's not that big of a deal. There were NO bridezillas here.

I went to another wedding where a woman did bring her baby and it cried and carried on and fussed and cried some more all during the vows. She got looks and jeers......and ONE of them (either her or her husband) SURELY could have taken that screaming fussy infant out of the church. WHAT an inconsiderate idiot. Yes it was taped. YES she was a friend of the Mother of the Groom. And no you could not hear anything on the tape - quite a shame really. I would have expected the bride and groom to be livid. They were not - they said God heard them.....that's what mattered. The MOther of the GROOM however? Got the woman and her husband outside that church and reamed her and him and how do I know this? I was holding the baby away from the parents. To this day? Seven years later? They are no longer friends.

SO I can see both sides ------there COULD BE a potential idiot in every crowd.....and maybe best to AVOID the chance? Personally? I think stopping and waiting till the child was taken care of would have been just fine....but no one saw fit to go over and take the baby or tell them to leave and her excuse? She didn't want to miss anything. (him either) OH BROTHER. Inconsiderate - dolts.

Solution.......Have a baby husher added to your list of people in your party - book signer - matron of honor - and baby husher usher..........YUP - you heard it here FIRST. (copy right pending) Getting Golf paddles made as we speak - (mostly so you could whack the parent)
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Star, at least the mom of that child didn't try to whip out a personal part to nurse the kid up at the altar rail during the ceremony - that is all I have to say!

I do think you are right though. So many people see kids behaving so badly in public and no parent/person with them even attempting to get them to behave well/appropriately that maybe it is why the trend to no kid weddings is so strong.
 
H

HaoZi

Guest
I never went to a wedding as a kid, not one. I've been to all of five weddings, two of them were mine (and I planned them both as well, minus the hurricane and tornado). Kids were discouraged from the first one for various reasons, including the fact that it was an evening wedding and there was alcohol. I don't have a huge family, so it wasn't a big deal to most people and the one little kid that was there I knew was coming and he was no problem at all. The second one involved more family many with kids, and was done at a public park in the early afternoon, no alcohol plenty of pot luck and picnic foods with the grilling done right there. I could not even tell you what kids were there or who they belonged to, but they mostly played within sight and out of earshot and it wasn't an issue at that one, either.
Heck, what I know about wedding behavior as a spectator basically comes down to be quiet and do what everyone else is doing.
 

muttmeister

Well-Known Member
I don't think it matters what their reason for not wanting kids is: it is their wedding and you either respect their wishes or you stay home.

It could be that it is a small church (or whatever) and they've already filled all of the seats;
it could be that they are paying megabucks per person for the caterer and can't afford everybody;
it could be that they are all planing to drink till they're blitzed and don't want the kids to see;
it could be that they hate kids;
it could be that they are anal and want everything perfect and think kids aren't;
it could be that they left all kids out because they specifically didn't want one particular kid;
it could be that they are just stupid.
Doesnt matter; it's their wedding.

Personally, I wanted everybody at my wedding. Kids were not only welcome; they were specially invited. When difficult child 1 got married, there were more kids than grown ups. When difficult child 2 got married, they already had a 2 year old who was part of the wedding, plus several other kids were there too. But that's us. Not everybody sees things the same way. If you don't find fault with me for inviting the kiddies, I won't find fault with you for not inviting them,,BUT it is important to make you wishes known to everybody at the beginning. Then they can plan accordingly.

I don't think you should be insulted or find fault with their plans just because it's not the way you would do it. But you can stay home if you don't like it.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
,,BUT it is important to make you wishes known to everybody at the beginning. Then they can plan accordingly

MM - I believe that was the biggest issue... not being clear right from the beginning. Because... there isn't any one set rule that says its usual to include or exclude the kids. SO... which do you assume? Its a tough one!
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Mutt -

You said it best. I kinda laughed at the anal thing -----cause I can't imagine a wedding without kids......but you said it very well. I'm guessing they watched too many episodes of MY REDNECK WEDDING and it FReeaked 'em out.
 

DaisyFace

Love me...Love me not
Yes, the issue was my ASSUMPTION....

I assumed, and I was wrong. My bad.

It just struck as really, really unusual that the family did not think about what the families would do with these children. Did they assume that the kids would all be left behind over the weekend with a babysitter? Some of these folks are coming from hundreds of miles away! And if they figured that the kids WOULD be traveling - what in the world did they think they would be doing while their parents spent the evening at the wedding?

The part that REALLY ended up steaming me was the ASSUMPTION that I WOULD be bringing my kids (because why would I leave them behind in another state?) and since my kids would be there, but not attending the wedding, they could be the babysitters for all the other kids who would also be in town, but not attending the wedding. The family has made ZERO arrangements for all these non-invited kids who are going to be traveling with their parents....

And they didn't even ASK us whether our children were capable babysitters!

They are clearly waiting for us to volunteer their services...thus all the hint-dropping...

UGH!
 

keista

New Member
:rofl:

I can't stop laughing right now because the :devil: in me is saying go right ahead and have your difficult child babysit for all the kids! Serves THEM right for ASSUMING!

:rofl:
 

DaisyFace

Love me...Love me not
:rofl:

I can't stop laughing right now because the :devil: in me is saying go right ahead and have your difficult child babysit for all the kids! Serves THEM right for ASSUMING!

:rofl:



LOL! My first thought was to call them *gushing* with happiness over the suggestion and thanking them for recognizing that difficult child is doing SOOO much better on her new medication and even though this will be her very first babysitting job and she really has no patience for little kids - I am just SO THRILLED that they would let difficult child practice her new anger-management skills with their children!
 

witzend

Well-Known Member
Daisy, I wonder if the situation with a suite for babysitter and kids could be worked out amongst other guests coming from out of town with children. I have no clue what the going rate for a babysitter is these days. I'm assuming it isn't the 50 cents an hour I worked for. But, if there were enough people, perhaps they could split the cost of a suite - $200 (seems high) for 4 families would be $50 apiece - plus whatever you would normally pay a sitter, and have some pizzas delivered. I realize it's an extra cost, and probably too late for this particular wedding - unless the bride and groom wouldn't mind having someone organize it - but it seems reasonable.

Nancy, that's a wonderful idea - I will have to remember that the next time wedding season comes up.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
We've had this problem with my family too.

Wedding receptions are getting increasingly expensive. Sometimes you can't go for a cheaper, more inclusive option because there just isn't one. or sometimes the reception place just doesn't have room.

With the wedding of one of my nephews, it caused a lot of distress in what is otherwise a very close, inclusive family. All the "adult" cousins were invited, but not my kids. easy child at the time actually was an adult, but was still not invited. But we still had to bring the kids with us because we were not leaving them at home in another city. A very expensive wedding for us. easy child & SIL1 (just boyfriend/girlfriend at the time) stayed in the motel room with the younger three and babysat them with lots of pizza and cable TV. Then in the hotel next morning at breakfast, easy child went up to the bridal couple to congratulate them. "I didn't get to catch up with you last night," her cousin the groom said.
"We weren't there, we weren't invited," she reminded him. Embarrassing. by the way, that marriage lasted four months.

With the upcoming family wedding (and with a couple of recent ones) we have made it clear - when we have to stay away from home overnight, we MUST bring difficult child 3. He cannot be left home alone, even though he is 17. We will pay for his meal if we have to, to make it easier. We have done this before. We also had a Japanese exchange student staying with us for a nephew's wedding a few years ago, we could have palmed her off for the night but she was only with us for a week and we felt attending an Aussie wedding would be a good experience for her. So we arranged with the bridal couple that we would pay for her meal, and so we got her included. She had a wonderful time and it worked out well.

With the upcoming wedding in the tropics, we're going to be away for the long weekend. My sister was adamant - no cousins at all to this one, it is just too expensive and too small a venue. But we said we have to bring difficult child 3. However, he can stay in the apartment on his own for a few hours, we'll be just down the road.
My sister suggested difficult child 3 might babysit his young second cousins (sister's little grandchildren). Some of them will be at the wedding (nephews of the bride) but I said to my sister that difficult child 3 cannot babysit unless another adult is eyeballing the kids.

If you make it clear that while difficult child might be willing to babysit, he is simply not sufficiently responsible despite his age, it might remove the pressure. Let difficult child stay in the hotel room with a computer game or DVD and some pizza. Or you could offer to pay for difficult child's meal at the reception. Yes, it is a greater expense, but this is for your convenience, not the bridal couple's. The wedding is about them. However, when you have a difficult child kid, you do need to work out some compromises in order to join in with family events, but also keep your kids safe and supervised.

Marg
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I would wait until the reception, when difficult child has already had the kids in her clutches for a couple of hours, and then go and gush your thanks all over them!!!! Cause that is the brat that I am, LOL!!!
,
You would clear the parents out of that reception in about three minutes flat once you told them some of the things difficult child has done to easy child. It would depend on how annoyed I was with these people as to if I did it or not. After all, who leaves their kids with any sitter with-o asking questions????
 

Marguerite

Active Member
Susie, when we have done this, we brought our own sitter with us (ie easy child). We certainly wouldn't use a sitter in a strange area without having some good connection. For example, family who live in that area have used that person. But with difficult children - I learned to avoid ANY sitter who didn't have plenty of time to get to know our kids and to also know what they were getting into. As a result, for years we never went out anywhere.

Marg
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
As a result, for years we never went out anywhere.

I'm with Marg.
The extended family (i.e. anybody not living under our roof right now) simply does not understand - and we are painted with all sorts of skunk-stripes and other unmentionables, verbally, everytime we have to make that call. BUT... my difficult child kids' needs are more important than your... wedding, wedding anniv party, birthday party, hunting party, or whatever else.

Ours are older now, and both they and we have developed strategies. IF we choose to go, it has to be worth taking an extra day or two extra days off, to allow for proper travel time, good rest, etc. The extended family can leave at 3am for a 2PM event, spend the rest of the day there, drive home half the night, and be (sort of) in shape to go to school/work the next day. NOT us.
 
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