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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 714052" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi hon.</p><p></p><p>Borderline is one big drama and full of lies. I find it hard to believe her exes are not paying child support. The court garnishes wages....or any money the person has. Disability. Government money. She probably is getting the money and not spending it on the kids. So she comes to you for extra</p><p></p><p>For me, therapy helped and I know without a doubt that my nice loved ones need me to be healthy and sane. I need this for myself too. My difficult child has narcisistic traits. If he gets abusive I just wont interact with him. I dont feel guilty. He ignores all sound advice...I wont take the blame for his poor decisions.</p><p></p><p>Since setting boundaries, his life is still angsty, but he is usually nice to me because he knows i wont talk to him unless he is. I wont allow him to invade in my life or ruin my marriage or my relationships with my other awesome adult kids who prefer I not interact with him at all. They dont. I think we need therapy.. all of us...and to, by our ages (I am 63) get real about our role in our adult offsprings life. We did our jobs. We gave them a good upbringing and good foundations. They ignored them.</p><p></p><p>To me the 60s are a time of fun, retirement, travel, falling in love with ones partner all over again. We deserve to rest...we did our time. Our adult kids refuse help..well, that is their choice. They need to do life without us. We can not live this life forever; they will be without us one day. And we deserve fabulous golden years. With kind loved ones and friends.</p><p></p><p>A borderline and a narcicist will only bring grief to us no matter what we do. My son at least will never be homeless, which is fortunate for him because I would never live with him. I have RV travel-the-country plans with husband. Nobody can take that from me.</p><p></p><p>I can stand strong because of the therapy i had and still access when necessary and just getting dog tired of how my son treats me. If he were not my son I wouldnt want to know him. He is nearing 40. I cant be his mommy anymore. Its not good for me...or him either. It isnt good for him to be allowed to abuse me.it isnt good for my grandson, his son, to hear him cussing me out. So I forbid it for all of us.. and I plan a good future. For me. He has to plan his own future.</p><p></p><p>You cant save your daughter, who is probably no young kid, and your grandkids may have to live in their paternal families...you can not save them either, although this is hard. But grandparents have no say.</p><p></p><p>Our adult kids make choices. So do we.o Only you can decide to absolutely put your marriage and life first and to let your daughter do life herself, as she will have to do one day. </p><p></p><p>Get into therapy, hug your husband, plan your future. Your daughteris not going to change. Neither is my son. But we can change. I did.</p><p></p><p>Good luck! You deserve a great rest of your life. Boundaries!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 714052, member: 1550"] Hi hon. Borderline is one big drama and full of lies. I find it hard to believe her exes are not paying child support. The court garnishes wages....or any money the person has. Disability. Government money. She probably is getting the money and not spending it on the kids. So she comes to you for extra For me, therapy helped and I know without a doubt that my nice loved ones need me to be healthy and sane. I need this for myself too. My difficult child has narcisistic traits. If he gets abusive I just wont interact with him. I dont feel guilty. He ignores all sound advice...I wont take the blame for his poor decisions. Since setting boundaries, his life is still angsty, but he is usually nice to me because he knows i wont talk to him unless he is. I wont allow him to invade in my life or ruin my marriage or my relationships with my other awesome adult kids who prefer I not interact with him at all. They dont. I think we need therapy.. all of us...and to, by our ages (I am 63) get real about our role in our adult offsprings life. We did our jobs. We gave them a good upbringing and good foundations. They ignored them. To me the 60s are a time of fun, retirement, travel, falling in love with ones partner all over again. We deserve to rest...we did our time. Our adult kids refuse help..well, that is their choice. They need to do life without us. We can not live this life forever; they will be without us one day. And we deserve fabulous golden years. With kind loved ones and friends. A borderline and a narcicist will only bring grief to us no matter what we do. My son at least will never be homeless, which is fortunate for him because I would never live with him. I have RV travel-the-country plans with husband. Nobody can take that from me. I can stand strong because of the therapy i had and still access when necessary and just getting dog tired of how my son treats me. If he were not my son I wouldnt want to know him. He is nearing 40. I cant be his mommy anymore. Its not good for me...or him either. It isnt good for him to be allowed to abuse me.it isnt good for my grandson, his son, to hear him cussing me out. So I forbid it for all of us.. and I plan a good future. For me. He has to plan his own future. You cant save your daughter, who is probably no young kid, and your grandkids may have to live in their paternal families...you can not save them either, although this is hard. But grandparents have no say. Our adult kids make choices. So do we.o Only you can decide to absolutely put your marriage and life first and to let your daughter do life herself, as she will have to do one day. Get into therapy, hug your husband, plan your future. Your daughteris not going to change. Neither is my son. But we can change. I did. Good luck! You deserve a great rest of your life. Boundaries!! [/QUOTE]
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