Temporary or Permanent shorter tantrums?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, May 11, 2011.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi all,
    Hope everyone had a Happy Mother's Day! Well, my son daily is still very demanding,very set in his ways but shorter lasting tantrums? Since my father and I quit giving in to EVERYTHING he wanted, he has gotten worse again. Still the same violence, biting himself,slamming,trashing the house,especially his room, hitting his head and has even kicked the walls so hard, he bruised the bottom of his foot! And as I mentioned before, spit and hit on me at the Dr's office when I corrected him. He constantly hits me,and talks back with or without threats of not caring if a stranger takes me, or if he goes out by himself at any hour, any where. He does just open the door and walk out. Only got as far as the street by our drive..He is now refusing his liquid medicine the last 3 days to help his bathrom issues. Its powder, goes in a cup, in water or gaterade and he drinks it. I tried sneaking it in a drink now but, he will not drink it unless he watches me poor it, he knows he will "accident" in his pants if he does not continue it. (Dr said 3 months).He is not embaresed by this either, his classmates are! He wants the icecream truck daily, I put a stop to it. He doesnt want to wash a certain part of his body even if we discuss it before several times or just once. He fights me when I have to get him up,just still anything! But his tantrum was only 45 minutes, but now has added biting himself constantly in rage or no rage just because we said "no" or not yet, or did something to make him mad, which can be anything! I am getting Dr. Greenes book June 3 and will hopefully get some ideas what else to do. His Peditrition never called me in to tell me what the "Pysc Counsler " told him, all because he is basically good there and great at school! My daughter has been really acting up, and I believe still its because most of our attention is towards dealing with my son. I am getting chest pain and headaches here and there after his tantrums ( I am overweight,which this does not help). All I can do is wait until he blows at school, if he ever blows. My grandfather says he will be fine after this summer and after being in Kinder because he will grow out of it. Sorry so long!:sigh:
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey! Many hugs to you...you sound like you could use them! Has anyone considered Sensory Integration issues for him? Have you ever noticed whether he may have problems with certain smells, tastes, consistancies (like different types of foods, like crunchy vs. smooth and when you put them together, he wants NO part of either?) or what I call "Itchy Tag Syndrome?" where you end up cutting the tags out of the backs of his shirts, certain materials etc.?

    Just a thought!

  3. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi nvts,
    No, no problems in Sensory Integration. I think he just doesn't wants his medications, I have had this problem for , well a few years, inhalers,liquids,chewables, "rash creams" private areas.(Bronchitis every year,colds,usual virus with all of us- so hes not new to medicines-he eats almost anything). He after a few days refuses, even if they taste good/doesn't hurt or stink. He cant taste this medication when its mixed with a flavored drink,cant see it either! The Dr / Nurses told me hold him for his medications, force ht down him, your bigger than him"! Haha! I be be bigger, he is very strong,spits out the medications,gets violent on me/other things. When he was 1 1/2 old, he would "move around" the Old Lazy boy recliner!I mean it would move to accross the room!. The tags, both my kids only complained a few times, but its rare. Thanks for the thought though!
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi Confused - and a repeated dose of hugs! What you are facing is challenging. A couple of thoughts occurred to me straight away - first, that forcing medicine on your child is probably a really bad idea. It is quite abusive and will really enrage him. You have to find a way that he will accept to take it... but for him to do that your whole relationship has to be improved. And that is the Really Difficult Work of course... "The Explosive Child" will help, I am sure. As with my son, "no" is a really difficult concept. So I try not to say it as such but to enlist his co-operation by other means. Children are all so different. What is really true for my son - and I cannot know if this is also true in your case, but it might be worth a consistent try - is that he is VERY emotionally sensitive, very desirous of giving and receiving affection and this is some kind of key in getting him to behave better. He is really responsive to how I am with him - ie if I am cross, impatient, rejecting in my manner or tone, his behaviour can become "impossible". If I engage with him gently, patiently, with affection and humour, he can be a little angel, really a delight to know. Yet there are times of course, even with this "magic method", where what he wants and I want diverge. At that point, talking and explaining seems to work MUCH better than trying to command him. I also have to try to train myself to pick the battles carefully. Some things have to be insisted on and respected - others not. For example, this morning. We live in a village and he goes to the village school - it is a journey of about a minute between school and home. So we have some flexibility re timing in the morning. This morning he wanted to "read" (he doesn't read yet) a cartoon book he had got from the library. He was really insistent he wanted to finish it and although it meant he was still undressed, reading on the sofa (having had his breakfast while reading) at 8.40 when he had to be at school by 9, I allowed him to do it. He finished, we got dressed quickly and we dashed down to school in time. No sweat! I think - and I suspect your son is probably the same - that he feels respected and "heard" when he is allowed to have things his way some of the time, when they are reasonable requests, and becomes more co-operative in return.
    The other thought that occurred to me was that I honestly would doubt that this behaviour is going to "go away". People do say these things but... having a tantrum for 45 minutes at age 5 is not standard and I would think does suggest some deeper causal problem. You may have talked about this already but is your son going to get evaluated? I am on some waiting list for an evaluation by a neuro-pscyhologist and I think this is important, to get a clearer picture. What do you think is going on with your son?
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    If you haven't read it already, I'd highly suggest reading What Your Explosive Child is trying to tell you:

    Also, have you read our section at the top of this board about adapting The Explosive Child for younger children? If the approach you're taking--not giving into demands--is making him worse, then it's probably not the approach for him right now. With young children starting out like this I favor prevention as much as possible, adapting the environment (do you have alarms on those doors?), and only doing battle over the most important issues (safety).

    On thing you'll want to do is to really think ahead to problem issues, like the ice cream truck, so that you can head them off at the pass. For instance, I had a child with a limited diet who was really big on crunchy foods. I bought crackers and unsweetened cereal but never, ever brought sweet cereal into the house as I knew there would be no going back once that kiddo had a taste of Captain Crunch vs. Crispix. Ditto with chips. I might have them for an outing, or when we were camping but they just never landed in our cupboard at home because I knew what kind of trouble they would cause. It will be hard to undo some of those things that may have crept into your routine, but keep that in mind for the future.

    With medications, I don't go with the force it down their throats approach. With very young resistant children I favor the "don't tell them a thing" approach! I'd suggest giving the medication a short break--tell him you're discontinuing it. Then after a bit when the fuss has settled down, start giving it to him again hidden in a (preferably new) drink or food without him knowing. Rotate the food/beverage: seriously I've hidden powdered medication sprinkled on the inside of an Oreo cookie, in applesauce, sprinkled on mint chocolate chip ice cream, in milk shakes, chocolate pudding, etc) If this is a flavorless medication, it shouldn't be a big deal. And honestly given the importance, this is something I'd be willing to fib about as in "Oh, don't you remember when you stopped taking that medicine a few weeks ago?"

    I think there is something going on here. If the doctors are making their calls based on what they're seeing in the office, video him without his knowledge and let the doctors see it. We've heard of some very apologetic pediatricians once they saw on film what parents were dealing with at home.
  6. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    My son takes miralax occasionally for constipation, are talking about something similar or more of a prescription dosage type mix? If its more miralx like, can you figure out the dosage and mix it up in a big bottle of apple juice (or whatever he drinks) and just make sure only he's drinking out of it?

    Otherwise I like the suggestion of "no, this is a new medicine!" We had to do that with my son's inhalers. He has an orange and a red container, the medications in the red one stink according to him and he refuses to do it. I told him the orange container broke so I had to put the orange medicine in the red container, he takes it fine and even said the other day "I love the orange medicine, it doesn't even smell horrible"...
  7. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi Malika,
    I agree with the medication issue, forcing it makes it worse,loses their trust, enrages them and they spit it out! With his breathing medication, he is too big for me to even try, but he needs it at times, as well as his singular(allergy medications 5mg to "prevent bronchitis/other cough issues-not working!) I tried "sitting next to him,holding his hand,making games out of taking it, even taking over the counter medications with him! And yes, he plays around,takes his time to get ready. I try to get him up earlier,baths before bed, extra free time in the morning, but even then, it doesnt always work. Well, although the 45 minutes is still long, its better than the 2/3 hours that it has been. I mentioned to the doctors for over a year, even mentioned when he was 3 on his issues, they said" all kids are different, he has speech issues, hes a boy,its been a while since you had a kid",be firm but not to firm ,stick with good discipline techniques(consistant) and so on. He doesnt act up in school, or in a brand new office like at the thereapist (or whatever he was office) so they said its me.I guess it is, so I am done and maybe I am wrong, he will grow out of it.
  8. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi SRL,
    I was planning on getting that book this month and reading everything here on this board. As far as handling my son, I was raising him the same way as my daughter, then I adjusted it a little when his tantrums started more frequentlly and violently, trying different approaches, time out,take away his toys, no outside- (his favorite thing is to go outside too),no tv, no computer,no going out unless Dr's etc. It didn't work so I kept trying other things. I have always given simple explanations why something cant be done whre they could understand it. I have explained before hand what they/ I need to do for a daily routine,weekends,behaviors,consequences etc. I have bought the bars and snow cones for at home, but I think its just the idea of "getting something " other from home even if its the same thing! As far as the medications he has to have, its a powder that I have to mix with a light drink like water,crystal light or gaterades. If in water, he can taste it, but the others he said he can not. The problem is that I cant actually quit giving it to him (one day is ok) because it helps"soften his stool" to a paste because he would get constipated, not go, and have accidents,daily. It built up in his tummy and he has now lost almost a pound due to "releasing it"! I have recorded him, but not before the tantrum( of course on birthdays and and regular days/holidays) but not to where it was moments before a tantrum. They did not want to view it when I brought it! This morning he blew of not having any syrup for the waffles he does not eat ( copying his sister-she likes them). He started his rage,and even though I found it, lasted almost an hour and he was late for school! But, as I said, Im going to just let it go and know that this is my fault and he will grow out of it. Thank you and good luck to you.
  9. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi jennd23,
    Yes! Its the same medication, only mine is the generic band, works well though! Polyethlene Glycol 3350,NF powder for oral solution! Take 1 capful ( or adjust amount as needed) in 8 ounces of fluid everyday for 3 months. It started in the end of July 2010 with a "strep bottom"(strep in the bottom instead of the throat,made him itchy water diareha,constant accidents,at times constipated). He got his medications and got constipated again here and there and have been having loose stool, not always knowing when it came out then one really big bowel movement later that day. So although I have mentioned it and been threre all year for his pink eye,coughing issues,bottom issues, they did not diagnose him until i wrote out the name "Encopresis" and its symptoms[FONT=&quot]. He then felt his tummy,told me Mylanta for 2/3 days for 3/4 times a day the perscribed the miralax. So far he has only had one accident since being on this at school and a few at home, and lost a pound! Hmm makes me think to that he is not embaressed by his accidents at school either! Anywho, I will try the apple juice and new medication trick. Thank you.
  10. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    My son has had strep booty (as we call it) twice now, isn't that weird. I wonder if its related to the constipation. The other thing you can do is have some of it pre measured into the cup (put it in at night while he's in bed) then just pour the juice in in the morning. I know you can see it if its not stirred in well though, which could be a problem. I don't know, I'm sure that's frustrating though. Luckily my son will ask for it if he's having a hard time going to the bathroom but given his stubborn side I can totally understand how a refusal could happen. Good luck!

    At one time his pediatrician recommended pear juice. I bought some but he would never try it, might be worth trying out? Also you can really increase fiber, if he eats bread, get double fiber, get the fiber1 brand bars for snacks, etc (but be careful about adding TOO much...yikes! :)). My son really likes the fiber1 chocolate something or peanut butter something. And they work.....pretty quickly! :)