Well, she had been doing good and fairly even with her moods on new medication. Lately she's starting to have a few more outbursts of anger easily being set off and of course always takes it out on me no matter the cause. She is seeing her new dr and therapist and mostly liking the therapist but just the other day complained "she's not really helping me", which usually is a sign that trouble might be brewing though I strongly suspect she is looking for quick response from her. I believe that the therapist is just getting to know her since she's only seen her maybe two or three times. Hardly any time for her to get a feel for how to even help her as she is just learning what the issues really are. She continues to be angry with her little sister's behavior which no one can do anything about so she is constantly fighting with her then telling me that I'm not doing my job as a parent or getting the right help for her, etc. We all know I am doing all I can and have been. The professionals don't have answers or clues how the heck am I suppose to? LOL She's still angry over her college situation and frustrated that she can't get back to school even though she came up with a plan B, which I thought was great and even told her how she could proceed with that. Today I had drifted off while waiting to go pick up middle difficult child for her psychiatrist appointment as I was sitting on couch. It wasn't long and it was late in afternoon an hour before school would be letting out. She comes downstairs where I am sleeping already yelling about school (guess she thought I was awake) and starting on me and it just exploded from there. She starts because she's decided she wants to go back to her old college for the summer program. I told her there is no way she could because A) she just adopted a dog (she paid for) and now has the responsibility for it, who will take care of it? She says her brother and sister. Right, the two who don't do a darn thing now as it is and absolutely will NOT take care of HER dog and/or she will complain (like she did with HER cat) that they took over the animal and the dog no longer likes her? B) her account at said school is LOCKED! She can't do anything, register for classes at that school even, obtain transciripts for that or any other school, etc. She can no more go back there then anywhere (which is why she isn't in school now). C) She left there because she needed to be here to get the support and services to address her BiPolar (BP) as well and that is on record. They won't take her back. and finally D) her financial aid application for this year went in and while she has funding (if everything was resolved) it would only cover her for a fall tuition. If she wanted to go for summer she would have to reapply to put down for more funding (she won't get anymore as it is) and state for summer but the deadline to apply for old school is May 1 and it won't process in time but regardless see B&C! So she says how does she know? That I am lying to her. I said I have never lied to her and make it a point never to lie to her. How does she know that I'm still not lying to her? Well dear because you can call the Bursers office and ask for yourself and find out, better yet I offered to call tomorrow and she can hear for herself (have another line she can listen in on since she has such a phone phobia). I'm still a liar. That I've lied period. I repeated that I've never lied to her. Then I'm not human as everyone lies. I said no, I don't lie and wouldn't unless I REALLY had to (you know those white lies we have to tell to protect something, yes lies but it's the kind like "do I look good?", those kinds). Then she jumps to that "I" wanted her to do the plan B now because it would mean more money and sooner (HER career so what does this have to do with me and SHE came up with the idea??). Plan B is to become a nurse so that she doesn't necessarily have to attend college (can go through a nursing school and have no need for transcript, will get her doing something, etc). Then she swiftly follows with that I am a terrible parent, I am a failure at relationships, my marriage had failed, I don't know how to handle money (excuse me? hmm bills are paid, nothing is ever a problem, SHE is the one that always has a problem with HER money and doesn't have enough), on and on with more and more terrible things. Like she searched her mind for every and any horrible thing she could come up! I also told her I am not her punching bag (figuratively) when she is angry about something or at someone. That I am no ones punching bag ever. She said I should have gotten out of my marriage then back in the day! Excuse me I'm thinking? Thank god I had to leave but I should have just shut up, I did try (though not hard enough), I know not to engage but she pushes and ups the anty purposely because she likes to fight. So while I'm gone she cleans the house and does a couple of loads of laundry. Very nice indeed, though in reality it was a guilt clean (trust me on this as it is an MO with her). She will not apologize ever. I just stayed neutral when I came home and didn't say much as I was too busy dealing with the other difficult children at the time. Suddenly young difficult child let her dog out the front door! Omg.....chaos insued. Once dog was captured, not hard really, anger erupts again and of course where does it come? ME! She starts all over again and this time the words were even worse then the first time. Of the choice things that came out, and I really didn't engage this time I went with replying "whatever" to which she replied that is a 4 year old's response and you are basically saying I'm right. I still kept saying whatever! LOL So back to her choice words......she told me "I wish I could kill you, I wish I could over dose you! (I take about 22 pills a day as it is for all my health issues), I wish you would die, and she said something else to the fact like she was saying but she was going up the stairs and I was just trying to tune her out by then. She did finally come back down about an hour or so later while I was beginning to make dinner. I had decided I'm just not talking to her, which I've done before as she hates it and she needs to learn it is NOT ok to speak to me like that and her words were hurtful, very this time to a level they should NEVER go! Normally I would begin speaking in a matter of hours but due to the severity of what she said today I'm feeling like I probably will take another whole day of not speaking to her (unheard of). She will never apologize either. She never has. If I even attempt to tell her what she did wrong it will go no where but explode her again. Thanks for letting me vent this. I just couldn't keep this one inside me. It was just too much this time. I'm really shocked that she took it this far. I get that she is frustrated but I also know there are things SHE could be doing to help her situation and NO, she should not be leaving it up to me. I have been forcing her to do a bit about everything on her own, like it or not (her).