Texts from GFG32 to husband

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SeekingStrength, Feb 3, 2014.

  1. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    This is a vent, more than anything. Hopefully, I will be in a place some day where I can offer help and support more than needing it.

    Quick background: Saturday gfg32 flew back to town where he and his exgf lived. She has a restraining order on him. Exgf called me Saturday, saying gfg32 told her husband and I were getting him a room for a couple days and he had ticket. I told her that was not true about the room. She later texted, I am so stressed. I don't know what to do. I texted back, One option is not to meet him at the airport. There are probably other options. That was the last communication she and I had. I had stopped communicating with her a few days before, but thought it was important to let her know gfg32 was not being honest about the room. husband and I were hoping he would not go, figuring he will end up in jail.

    Last night, husband and I were sitting in front of the fireplace, having a good time. husband gets two texts from some Anonymous texting place - from gfg32, along these lines. Hey (bad compound word that begins with an "a"), Guess you could predict I wouldn't stay here when your wife told girlfriend to not pick me up at the airport. Or, when she told girlfriend to call police if she saw me. Well, girlfriend, my real family, doesn't want that. The second text was That place I told you to go doesn't exist. (gfg32 told his dad to go to hell the last time they spoke on phone). husband texted back, "We love you. Please go to the hospital".

    husband has a dr appointment this morning to check his BiPolar (BP) after three months on Lisinopril. The #'s may not be so great.

    No questions really, just wanted to share. It is getting a tad easier. More mad than sad lately.
  2. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    So sorry.
    Sending hugs.
    I'm not much use for anything else yet I'm afraid, but, like you, I hope one day to be able to look back and offer some advice to parents going through what I'm going through now.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry SeekingStrength, it can be hard to receive those kinds of words from our kids.............but it is what they do when we cut them off of the money and the resources. It is predictable behavior. I am glad though that you feel it is getting easier. And, getting MAD is healthy, if someone else texted you that message, you would definitely be mad, it is nasty and mean to say those kinds of things to your parents. Who does he think he is. He needs to man up and show you respect. Perhaps not responding with a loving message when he sends out toxicity like that............but send the loving messages randomly. I would ignore those rants from him and not reward his obnoxious behavior in any way by responding to it. Tell him you love him at a different time. Hang in there, you're doing quite well...........
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Very immature, controlling text written to make you feel small, which is cruel. I wouldn't respond.

    Most of the time when we don't do what our adult children (emphasis on children) want us to do, they are not as nice with their following texts. They have to learn that our lives no longer revolve around their approval and that we won't pay them to pretend to like us and that we know they can do better and do it without our aid.

    I am so sorry you must take this walk. It is so painful and lonely, but the best advice I can give you is to learn detachment and enhance your own life and the times you spend with your friends and family who are kind to you. You are very important and deserve better than this...he doesn't mean it. He is just trying to make you feel so bad that you will fall before his feet and do whatever he wants you to do. This is very common.

    I highly recommend you read the book "Boundaries." In that book, they explain very clearly that once you set boundaries, dysfunctional people will throw fits and tantrums and try to get you to knock those boundaries down. They don't like you taking a stand for your own self. If anyone here knows the authors of this book, please post them! It is a Christian book, but the common sense part can be utilized and valued by people of all religions or of no religion. It's just good common sense.

    Tight hugs for the hurt you feel..that your son is trying to make you feel. Please...take a hot bubble bath with a scented candle and a good book (yes, I know it's crazy!). Do something GOOD for YOU and try not to let this spoil your day. We are here to talk to you if you need us. His ex needs to learn the same skills. Tell her to post here. We will help her too. You can't fix the ex. She has to decide to do it herself.
  5. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    I think husband's response was fine, especially if you managed to NOT get drawn into a text conversation. LIke the others, I no longer respond to nasty texts...they are LOOKING for the stimulation of a fight, where they can fling accusations and hurt you, or maybe make you plead for forgiveness. Don't give them that stimulation. AND save yourself the blood-pressure raising conversation you don't need. Its a win win, really. I usually delete those txts right away so I don't start to reread and obsess over them which is one of my favorite (not) addictive behaviors. Also lessons the temptation to respond later.

    So I don't understand...did girlfriend pick him up at the airport?

    Or maybe I shouldn't ask...lest I engage too much with being interested in your difficult child son ad a filler for time I used to spend fretting about my own!!!
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    Boundaries was written by cloud and Townsend...great useful book.

    Try not to respond to those types of texts. Silence speaks volumes.

    You are doing great. Hang in there.

    Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders
  7. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Echolette, We don't know. My guess is she did. Exgf told me, If I don't pick him up, he'll be stranded.

    Someone suggested I tell EXgf about this site and I know it would do her a world of good. But, I feel unsafe about that because gfg32 might become a member and start posting unbelievable stuff. If exgf shared anything about what she learned and gave him the name of this site, i can so see him doing that.

    He sent his sister, whom he has not spoken to in about ten years, a Facebook message this morning - asking her to please take down a photo (it's husband, daughter, gfg32 and me standing in front of church). gfg32 is about 6 years old. He asked her to take it down because we have friends in common. She couldn't believe it, and says she will not take it down. She did not respond to his FB message. In fact, she tried to block him, but he had already blocked her.

    Reading the posts of others has brought back so many memories of what we endured with gfg32. We put up with stuff for FIFTEEN YEARS. It looked like a couple years ago that he was doing much better (holding three part time jobs and talking to us here and there, lol), but turns out this last year was a complete sham and he has been back to his old, lazy, user ways.

    This is difficult, but getting much easier. I think I am already beginning to move out of the mad stage, into...This is so unbelievable. What have husband and I been thinking all this time? It doesn't make sense. (Perhaps not a phase so much as just trying to understand)