Thank you for being here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by maralenn, Nov 12, 2008.

  1. maralenn

    maralenn abqmom

    Hello--I am so glad to have found this online support group. I, too, am an exhausted parent. I was raised in an abusive household and now find myself raising a VERY difficult child. My daughter has "severe" ADHD and ODD. Her typical daily behaviors consist of doing whatever floats into her head, without a moment's consideration of consequence. No form of discipline is effective in shaping her behavior. Additionally, she is spoiled rotten and literally expects to be given something everytime we are anywhere that there is SOMETHING to be bought. (We don't indulge her, it's just AGGRAVATING and gets me VERY upset when she does this).

    Almost everyday of our life with her is a struggle. From sun-up to sun-down. When she gets out of bed in the morning, she engages in BIZARRE behaviors. She makes animal noises and once told my husband that she didn't "need to get dressed, because (she) is part wolf." And MEANT IT.

    At this point, there is little that I could walk catch my daughter doing that would truly surprise me. She does things "just to see what will happen."

    She once killed a friend's guinea pig. She'd spent the night at my friend's house...was told not to get up until everyone else was up...did it the pig...squeezed it TO DEATH. To top it all off, had no idea what she'd done. Zero connection.

    I have to pray against the fear that she will accidentally kill her younger brother one day. She hurts him all of the time, for example, slaps him repeatedly on the back, then, when he starts crying, I hear her suggestively tell him, "it was an fell down, right?" There's going to come a day when I have to lock my door and my son's door at night. Or maybe have my son sleep in our room for safety.

    My daughter also makes up lies--BIG LIES--just to get what she wants. I am a nurse, my husband is a cop. That child could go to school, tell a huge lie, and suddenly, CYFD will be knocking down our door. We could both lose our jobs and have a VERY DIFFICULT time getting reinstated, if we ever would! What do you do about THAT? How do you prevent THAT when you have a kid that literally DOES NOT CARE?

    Yes, she has therapist. One that used to be good but now seems to be detaching. We're looking for another one. She has a psychiatric doctor. Kind of passive, but smart.

    Anyway, thanks for being here. You can't imagine how much it means to me to be able to reach out to other people who know what I am going through.

  2. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    I just want to welcome you here MaraLenn.

    This is truly a great forum and the people on it have so much experience I asure you that you.will get lots of comfort and advice.

    Our lives are not easy by any standards but its amazing the sense of humour and espertise that you can pick up here and its heartening.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome.
    in my opinion there is more going on than ADHD/ODD, especially if she really believes she part wolf. Killing a hamster is serious too. Her behavior in my opinion is way beyond her diagnoses. Are there any psychiatric problems on either side of her family tree? Any autistic spectrum disorder/Aspergers? You may want to do a signature like I did below.
    I would want her completely evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Something ain't right there...and they haven't found out what it is yet.
    Welcome again :)
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hello and welcome. Your daughter does sound like a handful.
    How old is she?
    I would very much keep younger brother supervised at all times when playing with big sis. He needs to be protected. If that means he is in your room then so be it. He should feel safe.
    What has the psychiatrist said about these bizarre behaviors?

    If you shake the family try, is there anyone who had similar issues? Trouble with drug or alcohol abuse? Learning troubles? Couldn't hold a job? had a diagnosis? etc.

    How does she do academically? Does she have friends? Do they play well together? Any outside interest?

    Welcome to our world. Hope we can help.
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello Maralenn and welcome!

    It sure does sound like you have your hands full with your daughter.
    Sorry for piling on the questions, but it will help us to better know how we can help you.

    1) Did your daughter reach all of the developmental milestones within the normal timeframes? Any issues with early speech development
    2) What was her babyhood and early childhood like? Was she unusually fussy or difficult? Did she go stiff or limp when you tried to hold her, or resist being picked up?
    3) Any issues with food textures, textures of clothing or other tactile issues?
    4) Did she have any unusual play habits, such as lining up toys?

    I'm not a doctor and can't diagnose, but it sounds to me like ADHD/ODD is just scratching the surface and you may need to have a thorough re-evaluation of your daughter. ODD is often a symptom of an underlying condition with a set of interventions that are not working for your child. A lot of disorders (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), mood disorders, etc.) present with lookalike symptoms to ADHD.

    Many of us have started with a diagnosis of ADHD/ODD, and gone down the diagnostic path from there until we find out what's really going on with our children.

    Your daughter's behaviour sounds a lot like my difficult child'e behaviour a few years ago. Uncontrollable, disconnected and possibly delusional, VERY manipulative, cruel to his little brother. After a diagnostic roller coaster, we finally got a diagnosis of Asperger's and Bipolar. He now has a set of interventions that are working very well for him.

    A lot of us have had success with neuropsychologist evaluations for our children. They are intensive, and can pinpoint some of the neurological issues that other forms of testing can't.

    So glad you found us, but sorry that you had to.