Thank you guys for all of your support. You are amazing. I went shopping today with my mom for my birthday. I really, really, did not want to go - but I did - and now I am glad. We did girl stuff, which I NEVER do. We bought some make up, and perfume, and we looked at clothes. But the best part was that my mom had brought me H.'s childhood jewelry from Oregon last week. So, today I got a silver chain to hang 3 of her childhood rings as a necklace. It is a perfect treasure of our friendship and sisterhood, to hold close to my heart, at all times - just as she will always be spiritually, she now is, tangibly. It makes me feel better, in some small way. There is one more ring, I know she had, that we cannot find, that I am hoping to add. I also know she had a Snoopy and Paddington that were her fav cuddle pals when she was little, that we cannot find. I do have her Pooh bear and her blankie, that she toted around until she was, uh, 10??? Maybe not. But close. She was so funny. She used to hide her head under the covers when the count came on Sesame Street. She was scared of everything. Then again, so was I. But since I was the big sister, I had to fake it better. My other birthday gift is that difficult child is going hiking with me and my mom and dad tomorrow. That is a feat in and of itself, to get difficult child out of the house, no less to be part of the family, and actually hike. He is doing it as a gift to me, no fussing or bellyaching ( so he says - maybe I should write this tomorrow), but in theory, at least, this makes me very very happy. Again, small things - but yet it is all of the small happy things that make a bigger, happier, picture. Thanks again for your support. I thought I had endure all of the tragic things possible in life - and yet - death had eluded me. I just hope that Mon at work, the poop does not hit the fan. I am really praying that all of the gossip and craziness somehow vanishes once Mon. occurs.