Thank you

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by crazymama30, Aug 5, 2011.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I wanted to be sure you all knew how much I appreciate your support. I am sorry I did not post this sooner, but your support was so overwhelming, I just never expected the emotion behind the responses.

    I am proceeding with the low cost legal thing, and hope to hear back from that in the next week or two. It is hard to rush things when you are asking for financial help.

    The kids are doing better than I thought. easy child is really not talking to him, she is at the fair all week with friends who have market animals and having a good time. husband keeps texting me asking why she won't talk to him, and I ignore him. If I respond, which is rare, it is either short or first thing in the morning so he will be asleep and not respond right away. He has not called much, maybe 2 or 3 times so that is a blessing. difficult child seems to be ok, he has been acting up a bit over the last 2 days but that is to be expected. He saw his therapist yesterday and I have told her the whole story. She said he did good talking about some really hard stuff. She finally got all her stuff into the county for the wrap around services, so hopefully we qualify and they can help us, we need it now more than ever. I get the results from his neuropsychologist testing on Monday, and that will be very interesting to see.

    I am doing well. It is really sad how the aura (not sure of a better word) of the house has changed. It is much more relaxed and happy, and that is so sad. difficult child used to only watch TV in his bedroom, and he is so much more social. He can play and roughhouse out in the living room with the dogs now, which drives me crazy at times but it is cute. The other day he got into a howling match with his dog (in his bedroom thankfully) that had us all in stitches. Even easy child said that with Dad gone we got along better, she liked it better. That is a lot considering they were so close.

    So I thought I would check in, hope all is well with you.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Yeah. I know EXACTLY what you mean. Please don't focus on the sad for this part of it. This is good and positive. Keep it that way. Don't let the sadness of "it should have been like this all along" tarnish the "Wow so this is what 'normal' family life is like"

  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Not surprising to me either. When I left exh and moved into my own place, the girls were still small, but the transformation in all three of us was almost immediate as we acclimated to our new home and schedule. Calmer, fun, relaxing bedtimes, mealtimes, everything was just different. easy child took the separation the hardest at the time, she was only 4, but she quickly learned that her relationship with her dad is what it is and almost never got her hopes up. For difficult child, it was more difficult later, as at the time she was only 2 - Anyway, long story.

    I'm glad you're doing well - remember you have a lot of people who care about you and yours. Big hugs, CM.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Just because you really love someone, doesn't always mean you can live with them. And just because you can't live with them, doesn't mean you don't love them.

    That's just the way it is sometimes.

    I'd stop taking calls or texts at this point. All contact would be via lawyer. You just don't need the bull right now.

    Glad the kids are doing well. Surprising how adaptive they can be, but they are, and I don't doubt it is a relief to them to be able to relax too. Love has little to do with that.

    You sound in a better frame of mind. I am very glad. It's sad. And I'm sad for your husband because he's forgotten what he is losing. But you and the kids are gaining your lives back, and that is awesome.

  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Missed your previous post...I was away....keeping my fingers crossed that the improvements in family life continue. You've been through so much. Hugs.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad to hear that some peace is coming into the family. That is good. Hugs to all of you.
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hound, I don't think I do love him anymore. He killed all those feelings. He will always be important on some way, he is the father of my kids, maybe it is a different type of love?

    For some reason this morning was hard. Maybe because he texted me 25 times in 2 hrs until I told him if he did not stop I would have him charged with harassment. He sound do desperate but I know nothing had or will change, it is just sad to hear the desperation and loneliness.

    Some days and times will be harder than others. That was one of those times
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you mean too! When I was going through it, it actually took me a little while to get used to the peace and quiet and the absence of conflict and it will probably be like that for you too. I didn't know what "normal" was any more after that many years and neither did the kids. It was a good couple of weeks before my nerves calmed down and I could finally relax. It was so sad to think that my kids had never really known what it was like to live in a calm, peaceful home atmosphere but it wasn't long before they started to relax too and they seemed so much happier. The whole atmosphere of the house had lightened up 500%.

    It sounds like your husband is desperately trying to stay in touch with all the phone calls and texts but if I were you, I wouldn't answer them either. Let all communications with him come through your attorney. Good luck, hon. I hope things just keep getting better and better for you.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm glad you are finding peace. I know this has been incredibly difficult and stressful for you. I, too, understand how the "aura" of the house changes.

  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Just because you LIVED with somone......doesn't mean you really love them anymore either. Love is at the least complicated and at best - enjoyable for TWO people who WORK TOGETHER at something that is one of the hardest things in the world. Relationships aren't easy - they just don't HAPPEN and are HAPPY - it's work. Making sure the love stays strong IN a relationship is often taken for granted so much to the point with one partner that little by little, piece by piece, bit by bit and sometimes without you even realizing it (because it's pounded into our heads for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickeness and health) that the other person didn't really try and we've fallen not only out of love, but also out of LIKE with that person and eventually instead of having a LIFE with that person????? We have an EXISTANCE with that person, and our relationship starts to swing the other way and we begin little by little, bit by bit, piece by piece - to loathe them and before you know it? You are living with someone you can't stand and don't want to be with.

    That's what I wrote about my X in my journal on how I felt at the end of my relationship five years after I left. One year after I left? I wrote something to the effect of - I'd still give him a chance to be a family and a part of me loved him and wanted to be a family because the problem was his addictions.... if he'd quit the drugs, stop seeing other women (he had three or four women when I left and countless others in our marriage that I was unaware of), stop drinking, and stop beating me unconscious over 10 or 20 dollars for crack, and love his son....and how I'd really love to give up one of my three jobs where I didn't have to go in with makeup on my bruises, and broken bones, stop screaming at me, stop screaming at our son, the thing he did about trading our son for drugs - we could work through it. Even though we seemed to be more calm - I was glad to be away but figured a few months in counseling would fix it all. It took 15 years - twice a week.

  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    CM -

    Enjoy your time healing, enjoy looking at your ceiling every morning and knowing that no matter what the day throws at you??? You're a strong, wonderful, beautiful, courageous, ABLE woman - and you can handle anything that comes your way. You are cared for, thought about and respected VERY MUCH by the women on this board. WE BELIEVE IN YOU, YOUR ABILITIES and don't doubt yourself for ONE MINUTE ---

  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for checking in.
    I am SO GLAD that the air/aura/atmosphere has changed. Just to know that difficult child can play in the LR is a huge change.
    Stay strong. You're doing great.