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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 706465" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>LoveHer, I so feel for you - especially this being so new. The up and down went on for years with my daughter. She moved out and became someone else, someone ugly, and bounced in and out of our lives when she needed something - only to move on like a tornado, all ugly words and broken hearts, when she left again. Finding out she was doing drugs was a hard slap. I felt we should have known, and she was raised in such a completely opposite way. I know nothing about drugs and perhaps that is why I didn't recognize it. I truly thought, or told myself, it was "growing pains." The borderline diagnosis was a punch to the gut. They cannot be diagnosed until they are 18, and her doctor said no clue what came first or when it appeared: traits in childhood, the drug use, or the near fatal accident that caused the brain trauma. I struggled with that for a LONG time, wondering if I somehow "did" this to her, replaying every significant moment of her childhood I could remember. She is not part of our lives right now, and I have accepted she may choose not to ever be again. But I have also made the decision not to LET her be a part of my life as long as this is who she is, drugs are what she chooses to do, and the nastiness is how she chooses to treat people. I can't. I have too many other people in my life who need me, love me, rely on me. My blessings far outweigh her burden, so I have sat her down for now. I hope she can someday be a blessing in my life again, but I am ok if she doesn't. I will always, always, always love her. I wish you all the best with your daughter and hope that she comes back to you. But you at least recognize the one thing that is often the hardest to accept as a parent - these are HER choices, this is HER life, and no matter what YOU want for her, there is nothing YOU can do to change the path is on, only SHE can. Keep coming here, reading, posting, asking questions. You will get through this. We all will.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 706465, member: 19905"] LoveHer, I so feel for you - especially this being so new. The up and down went on for years with my daughter. She moved out and became someone else, someone ugly, and bounced in and out of our lives when she needed something - only to move on like a tornado, all ugly words and broken hearts, when she left again. Finding out she was doing drugs was a hard slap. I felt we should have known, and she was raised in such a completely opposite way. I know nothing about drugs and perhaps that is why I didn't recognize it. I truly thought, or told myself, it was "growing pains." The borderline diagnosis was a punch to the gut. They cannot be diagnosed until they are 18, and her doctor said no clue what came first or when it appeared: traits in childhood, the drug use, or the near fatal accident that caused the brain trauma. I struggled with that for a LONG time, wondering if I somehow "did" this to her, replaying every significant moment of her childhood I could remember. She is not part of our lives right now, and I have accepted she may choose not to ever be again. But I have also made the decision not to LET her be a part of my life as long as this is who she is, drugs are what she chooses to do, and the nastiness is how she chooses to treat people. I can't. I have too many other people in my life who need me, love me, rely on me. My blessings far outweigh her burden, so I have sat her down for now. I hope she can someday be a blessing in my life again, but I am ok if she doesn't. I will always, always, always love her. I wish you all the best with your daughter and hope that she comes back to you. But you at least recognize the one thing that is often the hardest to accept as a parent - these are HER choices, this is HER life, and no matter what YOU want for her, there is nothing YOU can do to change the path is on, only SHE can. Keep coming here, reading, posting, asking questions. You will get through this. We all will. [/QUOTE]
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