Thanksgiving Eve....bummer!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Nov 27, 2009.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanksgiving went off pretty well much to my relief. It was not picture perfect but everything was tasty and for some reason the bird was beautiful. daughter in law and others asked "how did you get the turkey so perfect" and I had to laugh and say it must be genes.

    Thanksgiving Eve?? You know the night you do prep work and then sleep soundly so you can get the bird in the oven early etc. OMG! easy child/difficult child went
    out "for a couple of hours" "don't worry I'm not going to drink tonight". At 1 AM I woke up as he was dropped off in the driveway. I watched him barely
    able to walk coming into the garage. Crash! I heard him fall. That was the
    first of three falls before he fell assleep. I could not go to sleep until 5 am
    when he finally was sober enough to trust. He "knew" he had friends in the
    bedroom next to his. Not! He came to tell me "I kicked some girl out of my
    room and locked the front door". The girl was me and I left his room after I
    knew he had not seriously hurt his head when he fell over the table next to
    his bed sending the stereo careening onto the floor.. :( It was a really bad night. He kept trying to either go outside to see who all was outside in the yard........or checking the front door to make sure they couldn't come back in.

    I'm grateful that I pulled off the dinner with only two hours sleep. I am
    still grateful he survived his brain surgery and is alive. BUT....the combo of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and alcoholism is a major major bummer. He has been saying for a month that he thinks he is ready for rehab and has an application on the way to the house. First bed opening is February. Truthfully I do not think it will work IF he goes but I sorely need a break and a month or two without him and the worry/drama that goes with it will help me. DDD
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry he is still acting so dangerously with the alcohol. Any chance of getting him into the doctor on a recheck of his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)? Obviously, nothing can be done that he doesn't want to do, but maybe if he thinks it's between he and his doctor....
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The entire situation is just so hard for you. Esp with the way gfgmom has messed with him. I hope that he really has done rehab applications and will go and be able to learn to change.

    on the other hand, is there any chance the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) doctor could give you some antabuse, that medication that makes alcohol taste HORRIBLE, to give him? The drinking must surely be messing with his brain functions. I know, it is sneaky and won't fix things in the long run. but it might give you a break sometimes.

    Is he even capable of going out with friends and not drinking? Maybe the antabuse could help with that? As my momma says, "Physical solutions to physical problems." The drinking combined with the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is the physical problem. The antabuse is the physical solution.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    D3, I'm glad to hear that your dinner went well!

    I'm trying to figure out what might lie ahead for your grandson and I realized that I don't know much about him other than his drinking episodes. What are the longterm effects of his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)? Physical disabilities? Cognitive? In what way?

    What does he do during the day? Does he have any hobbies, interests, friends who don't drink? Does he help you cook? Clean? Grocery shop? Does he exercise regularly? If he says he's willing to consider rehab, what steps is he doing now to prepare? Is he miserable or pretty happy with his life?

    We already know that gfgbiomom washed her hands of him years ago so if something should happen to you and husband, where would he go? What would he do? Does he have a backup guardian set up for his care? Would he be able to take care of himself if he needed to?

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD....I heard something the other day on The Doctors about a new treatment for alcoholism, its a shot that lasts for 30 days that causes alcohol to not work...or something like that. Its not the same as antabuse. It works differently. I dont know what it is called but Im sure there is a way to find out. Interestingly enough, they almost have a vaccine against cocaine too. Its working its way through the FDA. But I think the shot is available now.

    Do you want me to try to find out about it?
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the commiseration. It is so stressful. There is nothing that can be done about the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) except for him to recognize his shortcomings and take actions to improve his life to the best of his ability. Most days
    when he is sober and rested he is capable of working part of the day for us and doing a good job. There are days when under the same conditions
    he sleeps and sleeps (even tho he has slept a full sober night before etc).

    His psychiatrist gave him an Rx for a drug that "often helps curb the desire to drink" but easy child/difficult child doesn't like taking pills and says with conviction that he
    knows that only HE can curb his drinking. He does take anti-seizure pills
    each day but :( often he thinks he has taken it and he hasn't. I put out his pill in the AM and in the PM. The same pill will be there for a day or two (on occasion) and he believes he has taken it and questions whether
    I really didn't replace the pill and forgot that I did it. :confused: Yeah,right.

    Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) patients rarely get disability and he was turned down twice because
    he should be able to learn a job like grocery bagging. Unfortunately, he
    can be sharp as a tack for a few days and then sleep for a few days and
    then party all night and be useless and confused for a few days. When we are gone he will basically be on his own to sink or swim. We are not wealthy people and after all the expenses of raising him and his bro after
    raising the other six kids...well, we feel darn lucky to live with-o big debt.

    He has NO friends who are consistently sober. That is a big problem. DDD
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm not sure I could've pulled off dinner with only 2 hrs of sleep. You're amazing!

    I hope he cooperates and goes to rehab. If for no other reason than to give you a much needed break. And who knows? Maybe some of it will sink it and stick.

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    FWIW, Antabuse is carefully monitored. He'd get very sick if he drank when he wasn't aware that he had taken antabuse, so you could be charged with assault or worse if you dose people without their knowledge. It doesn't make it taste bad, it makes you violently ill.

    How is your after Thanksgiving going, 3D? Any better? I copped the turkey carcass off of L after dinner on Thursday, so tonight is Turkey soup. Yummm!!! The best part of the holiday!
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The leftovers were better than the There are only a couple of things that are "for Mama" :redface: and leftover pumpkin pie for Friday's breakfast
    is BIG. Nobody would dare eat all the pie. ;) I pigged and pigged and slept and slept yesteray. A perfect day for recovering. Thanks for asking. DDD
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Janet. Let's wait and see what happens after rehab (if he goes) as it is his choice to apply. He was in outpatient at 14 and then three inpatient
    at two private and then one Department of Juvenile Justice facility. He has given up the drugs which is something to be thankful for. He is familiar with antabuse and says NO WAY.
    I think he has 2nd hand experience with the violent side effects.

    Today, just like when I joined CD almost ten years ago, the easy child/difficult child label is perfect for him. If you met him one day with me you would find it hard to believe the antics you've read about. On another occasion if you went to have a couple of drinks out and he was there you would probably hope that the police would take the obnoxious thuggy looking guy out of there so you could enjoy your down time.

    Last night, for example, he came home at 2 AM and woke me up to tell me
    (1) he was sober and (2) he had two guys with him but they would be leaving in about fifteen minutes. "Who are they?" "They are from the local mission and they are hungry." OMG! Just what you want is two hungry strangers from the mission in your house at 2 AM. :anxious:

    He fixed them plates of leftover TDay food, nuked it in the microwave and
    took them to his room to eat before they left. Turns out he "knew them" from high school and "they're OK". He would have done that as a easy child or as
    a drunk difficult child...but if he was drunk he would have asked me to get up and fix
    the plates. Yikes. I am not a bored old person. That' for sure. DDD