Thanksgiving phone call to my mom

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by dstc_99, Nov 30, 2013.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    So I dread these interactions and apparently my anxiety over the phone call kept me from calling until late at night. When I finally made the call my mom answered drunk. I just wanted to hang up. I decided to do the nice thing and say Happy Thanksgiving. She immediately started in on her sad sob story of how Thanksgiving just wasn't the same with everyone being away and how she was so sad. I tried to steer away from it but she just kept it up. I finally asked her to let me speak to my dad so I could tell him Happy Thanksgiving only to find out I was on speaker phone. She knows I hate that but at this point I don't care anymore I keep all conversations as neutral and impersonal as I can so it isn't like I would ever say anything I didn't want the whole house to hear.

    Anyway I decided since I had them both on I would update them on difficult child's impending move and how at this point our help will be very limited due to difficult child not being willing to work with us on anything. Apparently she is not being very informative with them as either. Of course that conversation led to the whole family drama of them taking in difficult child. I finally just told them that I wasn't happy with them, I didn't trust them, and that until that changed I didn't plan to change our contact or anything else. According to mom they don't trust me either. Oh well. I guess supporting my crazy ass mom for years in order to help sport my father I am now untrustworthy.

    I wound up telling them that their actions and difficult child's actions had just about destroyed my family and that if things kept up the way they were it would most likely be the end. difficult child only contacts us when she wants money and otherwise wants nothing to do with us. Anything we ask of her is too much trouble so I don't see why I should bother. The only thing we required was that difficult child continue with therapy after she moved in with them. I knew they could only force difficult child to go until she was 18 but they never did. Basically at this point I am just done with all of it. I still love them but I don't want to talk to my mother unless she is sober and I am extremely disappointed in my father. difficult child doesn't give a **** about anyone but herself so I figure I'll just wait until she decides we are necessary.

    I finally just cut the drama off and told them I love you Happy Thanksgiving and good bye.

    Why do things have to be so difficult. I don't think I will bother calling on Christmas especially since it tends to spin me into a depression.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If you do call xmas, call her early in the morning. Less chance she'll have started drinking.

    Do not update them on difficult child. Your mother is an alcoholic. It isn't surprising she has enabling behavior.

    I'd wish them a happy holiday, keep conversation short, simple, casual. I'll repeat the keep it short part.

    There were years my mother had no clue what was going on with my kids/family life. I never let the conversation drift that way. Even now that we've formed a relationship.......she doesn't know much. I see no reason to change that. It is one of the things that allowed us to actually form a working relationship. Know what I mean??

  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I feel your pain. I avoided that call altogether this year. Cannot listen to the sob story any more when this person refuses to do anything to help herself. I can't let the poison seep in anymore. You have to do what is healthy for you and your family. Cut the cancer out...even if it's family members. Sorry you are going through this.
  4. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    I'm sorry. I avoid the phone calls as well, it is better for my sanity and health!
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I think I keep the lines open simply to know they are alive and ok. I generally avoid talking I stick to the basics of the weather and **** like that. Its a shame but I would almost rather not speak to them than to deal with the aftermath.
  6. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I agree with calling early. You won't stress over it all day, keep it short and sweet. Call just to stave off the guilt from not calling,Know what I mean??
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would give yourself a five minute time limit on any phone calls, less time if Mom seems drunk, and don't let them get to talk about the general state of the family, which THEY created. I'd change the subject, stick to the weather, what you're having for dinner, and wish them a Merry Christmas. If you feel you have to call at all. I learned not to indulge my DNA connections in their drama. I didn't cause it. I wasn't going to listen to it. Just saying...