Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PatriotsGirl, Nov 28, 2011.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone!!

    After all the stressing that I was doing, I never even heard a word from difficult child. I know where she is living now - at least the town - she updated her information on Facebook. Nice, huh? So, I am taking the obvious hint and really detaching completely. She still does not have the phone that we pay for, so I can't check that anymore. It is all a blessing in disguise, I suppose. Much easier to detach when you have no choice. The only link I have to her anymore is Facebook...

    I must say on one hand, it was nice to not have any drama, but on the other I am annoyed because I know she will find a way to reach me before Christmas to ensure she gets that point, she will be lucky to get anything from me.

    On a positive note, my husband and I ended up deciding on turkey day to tag team camping out for the Xbox 360 Kinext bundle. I got there sometime between 4 and 4:30, sat down in the aisle to wait for my product and at first I felt foolish being the only one there sitting in an aisle in the grocery section. But, soon after, people started lining up! We met a really nice family from Ohio that was kind enough to watch my spot while I went and grabbed the ottoman I was also purchasing. I used that as a seat all night while I waited. husband finished off making dinner, ate and then came and relieved me so I could go home and eat. Then I came back to relieve him and he ran out to get us coffees from Dunkin. It ended up being a lot of fun!! I was the first person in our Wal-Mart to get the bundle. :) We played it over the weekend and it is just SO much fun!!!! I am still really sore, though. Definitely more of a work out than Wii is.

    So fellow PE members, how was your Thanksgiving?
  2. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Thanks Patriot, and my holiday was actually very nice and drama-free, which I appreciated. I just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. Around this time last year I cut off communication with my daughter. I even blocked her from FB because the situation was so awful it was driving me over the edge. I didn't any contact with her for around 6 months, which meant I had no idea how my granddaughter was doing either. And while, on the one hand, it was hard wondering if they were ok, on the other hand I had actual peace in my life during that time. It also helped me really detach and think about my boundaries with her. It was probably the most tranquil time I've had in my life since she has been born, maybe ever. I really spent that time focusing on my myself and creating a life that I love. Since she has been back in my life I have been better able to maintain my boundaries with her. And although I get very stressed about the way she lives her life and dealing with her general nuttiness, I now have a peaceful core within myself that I never seem to lose. It was a very beneficial time for me, and I hope it works out the same way for you.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mine was actually very pleasant. I picked up Oldest and we drove to Youngest's boyfriend's house, about an hour away. He cooked. I like him a lot, he's good to Youngest and good to my grandkids. Only quirk is that he has a difficult child-dad who is living with him. Now there's an interesting reverse situation, a 20-something son who took in his 40-something difficult child father and now can't seem to get rid of him. Anyway, the difficult child-dad was interesting ... one of those "one-uppers" who knows more about anything you ever bring up in conversation. Whatever, dude. It was nice that my family wasn't the craziest in the room, for once :)
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    My husband does that sometimes....drives me absolutely crazy!!!! Only, most of the time, he is right which is even more annoying! LOL
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL yeah it's annoying enough if they're right :p hehe. But, this guy was full of BS, mostly. Lots of what he said made no sense. I think he just wanted to impress everyone. Fail!
  6. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Mine was a mixed bag. I don't post here a lot, so not many people are familiar with my story. Anyway, Son is always horrible to Daughter. Meal time is the worse, and Thanksgiving is no exception. I've gone over with him time and again to be kind; he says he just can't; she's never done anything to him. It doesn't help that Daughter has such a hair trigger with him and over reacts at each slight provocation.

    Anyway, Son went with my Mom to my sister's 300 miles away. I suppose in the "normal" world, this would be awful, but in my world, I was actually relieved. But, there was still fireworks because after warning Daughter about doing more around the house and never cleaning her filthy room, sleeping until noon (she's was on break), leaving my car that she uses a mess (I've barely driven it in two years!), she wanted to use my car to see some friends and I said "no". She went into a hysterical meltdown and pulled all the stops to try and manipulate me to change my mind. I remained calm and with husband home, we stood our ground. She's 20 and still wants to live like she's 14. I warned and warned, and I guess she didn't believe I would actually pull the keys. She lives so close to her part time job she can walk. We also have a bus stop close to our house. You would have though I asked for her right arm when I suggested she start using the bus to get around. I thought back to when I was 20 and working. No car and I took the bus! I lived on my own too, on a very meager salary.

    I realized that I'm not doing her any favors by continuing to allow her to live as our "child" in our home. She's been dragging her feet about going back to school (she's scared), and getting her broken computer fixed (which is her excuse). She was going to CC and did three terms, but nothing college level because she screwed up so badly in HS. She stopped when she decided to attend elsewhere. So, there's on online school that's good for what she wants and I'm very familiar with it. But, she's just dragging and dragging....

    She can drag..(for now), but she's not driving my car while she does it.

    After much screaming and crying (while I'm making turkey and the fixings), she collapses in bed and falls asleep. Of course, not before declaring that she doesn't want to spend her Thanksgiving with ME. "Fine, suit yourself", was my calm reply. She did come out though when it was time to eat and the days afterward she has had time to reflect. We've talked, but she doesn't like listening to what I have to say. She just wants to talk. So, I guess I'll see what happens.

    Sorry, don't mean to ramble on about me. I'm glad you had a peaceful Thanksgiving with husband. I love the story about the Xbox! I've seen all the specials (Amazon had one today for it, too), but just not quite ready to buy one. I understand a new system is coming out next year. Hence, the sales.

    It amazing the contrast between a difficult child holiday and a difficult child-less holiday, ain't it? I know if Son had been here with all of Daughter's drama, oh it would have been so much worse.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My easy child called our Thanksgiving "almost normal." We had a nice visit and a great meal at our friend's house (sans difficult child). When we met difficult child later, she actually looked presentable (first thing that easy child said to me as difficult child walked up) and was relatively pleasant at the restaurant.

    After we ate, difficult child went back to the halfway house and easy child went to her friend's house and then off to midnight shopping with her friend and her friend's mom. They invited me to come and I said I would think about it but after I got home and got into my comfy pj's snuggled up with my furkids there was no way I was going back out to the midnight madness so I just texted easy child to have fun without me. LOL

    Much less drama than holidays past. I think that we made the right decision to just meet difficult child later in the day. She did ask where we had gone for Thanksgiving dinner but didn't seem upset that she didn't get to go.

    I also met difficult child on Saturday to go see the latest Twilight movie and then we got pizza after the movie. It was actually enjoyable.

  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG I'm glad your day was relaxing and enjoyable. I love the XBOX story and it sounds like you and husband had a fun and much needed date night.

  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh goodness, I don't miss any of the temper tantrums for sure!! easy child doesn't have them. I am sorry you had to deal with that! We did have a fun day spending it doing something we wanted, which was really nice. :)
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Sounds like this is all a good learning experience for difficult child. I hope she continues to grow. Twilight was always something difficult child and I saw together. I won premiere tickets through our news station for New Moon at midnight and we had gone to that together. We were supposed to see Breaking Dawn but since she hasn't contacted me, I guess I am going to end up getting it through my guy at the flea market and watch it at home.

    Glad you had a great Thanksgiving!! :)