Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hopeful97, Nov 27, 2015.

  1. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    My son has been out of our home since September. He contacted my hubby to see if he could come to granny's for thanksgiving and picked him up and brought him over. He talked to me in a civil manner. After dinner he started whispering to me that he needed to leave he had plans. I told him I could not take him anywhere then the bs started coming but quiet enough that only I heard. I moved to another section of this house with other family members. Then he started on my hubby. We left shortly after this started. Hubby took son to wherever I do not really want to know. Son told hubby he would be at our other thanksgiving celebration. He did not show. I was not surprised, hubby texted and called son but got no response. Hubby did not have very nice time said son ruined rest of day for him. I am farther along this journey than hubby. I had a nice time at both celebrations, would have been more enjoyable with hubby not so upset, but that day will come. My son called this morning, I have not taken or responded to a phone call or text frome him in a while. I knew I would be able to tell him no if he asked for money, a ride etc..... He apologized for not making it to 2nd celebration said he got arrested. Then he proceeded to tell me what happened. I could not tell you what he said happened, yes I was on the phone but I think I block out a lot of what he says because I do not know what is the truth and what is a lie. He did not ask for anything and said he loved me and I said I love him too and we hung up. I think I did pretty well, but am sad on this cold rainy day trying not to think of my Difficult Child but it is very hard. I pray he is at least dry and warm. I am sure there is more to come from him because just a few days ago I was getting really nasty texts from him and he had said he was going to act like he did not know me and other guilt tactics. I did not respond to any texts. I guess knowing when to respond and when not to respond is a learning process as it is setting boundaries. Thanks for listening, sorry I was sort of like over the place. Hopeful
  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    You did great Hopeful. You are wise to distance yourself and your emotions.

    Hang in there, we are here for you.
  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Oh there you are Hopeful, I know your last post you were writing that son might show up on t-day.
    So sorry for this. Not nice. I am glad you were able to get away from the whispering. It was the right thing to do. You are standing up for yourself-good job.

    Yes, you are further along then your hubby, but he will learn from you, and get there. You will show him by your actions, how.

    I do not blame you one bit for blocking it out. The woeful stories get to be a bit much.

    You are doing this Hopeful, it feels strange, but you are getting there with the boundaries. Keep it up. It will come more naturally, the longer you do.

    Who couldn't be all over the place with all this stuff going on? On a holiday to boot, pressured with whispering and taunting right there. UGH. You are doing really well Hopeful and I am happy to read your thread. Even though there was some sad/mad news in it, what I see, is that you are coming through this amazingly. Keep posting.

    Thank you for sharing Hopeful, I feel better now.
    You made me smile, because you are doing this.

  4. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    I'm impressed Hopeful, you sound so strong. I know you are sad, we all understand that sadness, it's there all the time under the anger and frustration and confusion and misplaced guilt and exhausted detachment.


    It's like a blanket that wraps around me in the middle of the night when I can't sleep.

    I used to find crying helped. It seemed to wash the sadness out of me for a while. But sometimes you get to that point where crying doesn't really work, because your emotions seem to be switched off, overloaded, or they're so muddled up that you don't really know what you want to do or feel like doing.

    I'm glad you have your husband and that you can share your strength and sadness with him. It sounds as if he needs you to do that. I would focus my positive energy on my husband I think, if I was in your situation.

    My husband just thinks my troubled son is a bit bonkers, that can be a bit frustrating sometimes when I'm feeling sad. It would be very hard though if I could see that my husband was sad too.
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2015
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hopeful, you did really well. You sound so, well, hopeful. And strong.

    That is kind of the way it is here, too.

    For years M tried so hard. Wanted to give my son every opportunity to be included. To give him work. To teach him how to work. To have him with us. When that did not work he wanted to buy him a house. You name it.

    Now he is just disgusted. Not hopeful. I guess things went south when my son called the cops on us repeatedly and gave M a black eye. (That will kind of do it, I think.)

    M sees my son as lazy, irresponsible, self-important, controlling, dominating.

    He almost acts bitter. But really it is disgusted.

    The lack of hope on M's part is really tough for me. I want somebody to have hope.

    It sure gets harder at the holidays.

  6. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    It sure gets harder at the holidays.


    It sure does. I can't wait until it's January 2nd.