That fine line.....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    the balancing act we, as :warrior: mums & dads, we must follow is biting me in the butt! :halfdead:

    I've had a lot of time to think over the past months - difficult child issues, marriage issues, family issues, etc, etc, etc..... I've become more & more restless to know what is going on with tweedles dee & dum.

    For years, I've worked to put together a competent team; one who works together & for the most part I can trust to handle any situation. I can trust to keep things going. AND they are doing their jobs. Because they are doing their jobs & because I've been so very ill, I'm totally out of the loop on what is actually going on with kt & wm.

    Over the last week or so, when I've asked to be filled in on the "antics" of my difficult children - I'm being put off. SWs at day treatment, & on my team as a whole are asking me not to worry about things.

    This, of course, makes me nervous. I have nothing else to do but not sleep, then nap, & visit doctors. The stuff I do in between to keep myself occupied doesn't stop me from thinking, planning, figuring out what new life skills I may need to learn to get well or to deal with whatever my body is going to do. So my mind churns...

    I know that I need to focus on getting well - to learn those new skills that I need to cope & function. And while I know it's early in the game - still working out the treatment plan for me, I need to know that the tweedles treatment plans that took years to fine tune, that the team that took years to pull together & get working as a team - are doing just that.

    And I get - you really needn't worry - focus on getting well.

    I'm just talking out loud here, trying to get my weary brain to sort out & prioritize. And while all of this goes on, I truly worry for my babies - especially wm, as he is out of the home & I have very little input right now.

    Thanks for the ear - I hope my rambling hasn't been too confusing.
  2. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I hear what you are saying. I can well imagine how frustrating it must be for you. Even if the people you ask have the best of intentions, they just don't realize that in order for you to have peace of mind, you need to be kept fully informed.

    I suppose it must be very difficult having too much time to think about things!!

    Anyway, hang in there, and I truly wish you that you should feel better soon and that the doctors find the solutions to your problems.

    Love, Esther
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Linda, I so get what you are saying.

    The teams that you have put together are doing a great job. And, they are trying to give you time to recoup, to mend, to heal. I am sure that they feel the best thing for you is to take the burden of worrying about the Tweedles away from you.

    But your mommy instinct does not just shut off, does it? It keeps going. My situation was not to the degree that yours was, nor for nearly the amount of time, but when I got sick last year, there were 2 weeks where I did not see much less know what was going on with Tink. It was my family tending to her needs. And they all assured me, she's fine, don't worry, just work on you and get well. Well of course I wanted to be well, but my goodness, I wanted to know what was going on with Tink! Yes, I believed them when they said she was fine, but my mommy instinct was kicking into overdrive. I needed to oversee it myself.

    It's a very tough situation to be in. I am glad that you do have so much support. And I hope that you are on the mend sooner than later.

    Understanding hugs.
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    I think the fact that the team is telling you not to worry is a testament to what a fantastic job you've done in bringing together and educating them. It's so rare that a team takes into consideration the needs of the entire family - it's usually only focused on the difficult child.

    I know it's hard to not know the nitty gritty details, but you know they're right. You need to focus on yourself right now, even on your good days. You've done a fabulous job getting the team on track - let them do their job while you take care of you. I have faith that before too long you'll be able to be back in the trenches and you're going to wonder what the rush was. ;)
  5. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending hugs. It is a hard battle and then when you can't even be on the front lines it is even harder.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending hugs. It is hard not to know, and telling you not to worry probably makes you worry more. Maybe if they could give you a "mini update" of a few positive things with each kid you would feel more able to focus on other things?

    Take care of yourself.

  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I probably won't word this right, but I'll try. While you're focused on getting well and doing and planning things that will help you to that end, I think you might be needing to feel a bit needed and to have something else to focus on other than your illness. And it can be good for you, if you're careful not to overdo. Plus it would keep you in the loop and help prevent over worry with the tweedles.

    Could the pros provide you with a mini update like susie suggested? Then you'll know what's going on.